We are What We Experience
by poeticjustice13
Summary: The day you reach the top is the day you have to remember that you're not invincible and that everything can and will go wrong for you. Will Camille and Logan survive the Hollywood spotlight or will Camille's secret destroy them?
1. Spotlight

**Author's Note: Believe it or not my next story might not be a Niley story. I'm not too big on the show Big Time Rush but I love the idea of Logan and Camille together. I've read a couple of the stories and I want to see if I could actually write a story that would really do them justice. So hear is the first chapter. And don't worry I' m going to finish my other story too.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

**Camille****.**

When you're at the top of your game you really do feel like there's nothing that can bring you down. I mean seriously, the perfect acting career, the perfect life and not only that but also the perfect friends, family and boyfriend? What could go wrong? See, that's the problem I forgot to look down. The day you reach the top is the day you have to remember to look down and see that you're not invincible and that everything can and will go wrong for you.

The thing is, I'm not sure God wants everything to be too perfect. So every now and then he throws you something that not only changes the way your whole entire day goes but changes the path your life takes too.

It's actually kind of funny because that's what my mother used to say to me every single day before she left.

She always said, "Honey, the day you reached the top turn around because there'll always be another mountain to climb."

I always thought the woman was crazy and I continued to have even more mixed feelings about her when she left my dad and me and never came back. But now-a-days when I look back on it she was right. I forgot to turn around and this mountain I'm climbing is pretty high, I just hope I have someone to climb it with me.

**Logan**

Life is too great to give a damn about anything else. Thee world feels as if it is mine. For once I feel as if I'm in control of my life and that's all I've really wanted. What can bring me down now?

Now that the guys and I have our own place now we have a tad bit more freedom. We still live in the Palm Woods but on a different floor from Kendall's mom and Katie but we're neighbors to Jo and Camille who recently moved in together.

The best part about life right now for me is Camille. Everything about her is beautiful to me. Two years and we're still going on strong. Who knew I would fall for her?

The sound of the doorbell brought me out of my thoughts and I already knew who it was. As I opened the door for Jo and Camille I felt my heart jump a bit when I saw her. Is it possible for someone to be so beautiful?

"Hey beautiful." I said as I hugged her.

"Hey honey." She gently kissed me on the lips. She tasted like vanilla and I immediately deepened the kiss.

We would've been like that for hours if Carlos didn't interrupt.

"Yeah, um Camille? I know I'm interrupting your little moment but can I have my housewarming present?"

Camille laughed as she reached into her bag and pulled out a big plate of her homemade cookies. James and Carlos lunged for them almost knocking Camille down.

"Whoa guys stop! You almost knocked Camille down." Jo said

"Hey, it's cool. I'm fine." Camille said a little uneasy.

"Whoa, Cami you sure?" I asked

"Yeah, I-I'm fine. Stop overreacting."

"Sorry Camille, you'd think by now the guys would notice something other than cookies!" Kendall said.

James and Carlos finally stopped stuffing there faces to get some manners.

"Sorry Camille. But your cookies are awesome."

"Yeah, sorry, but it is true." James agreed.

"Guys, it's fine. I just don't see what you see in my cooking."

"It's not just cooking it's a way of life." Kendall commented as he ate the cookies too.

"They do have a point babe, you _can_ cook."

"Hmm, since Jo and I didn't really get you guys a gift for your new place what if I cook for you guys?"

"Aw, babe you really don't need to do that."

"But Logan I want to."

"Yeah, Logan she wants too." James pouted.

"It's settled then I'll cook. Jo, go get some stuff from the apartment and take the guys to the grocery store. Get whatever you think we'll need to make lasagna."

"What do I do?" I asked.

"You're going to stay and help me."

Minutes later everyone left and it was just me and Cam. This was the perfect moment for alone time.

"Sooo… what do we do now?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Um, look for ingredients?" she answered.

"Well, I think I have a better idea."

Before she could even ask what it was I lifted her up onto the counter. I wrapped my arms around her the same time her legs wrapped around my waist and we stayed just like that.

"Hmm, did your idea go along the lines of something like this?"

She kissed me and I kissed back. I have to admit I wanted her. The kisses continued to deepen. I unbuttoned her sweater and it flew somewhere behind us. Next it was my shirt. She was wearing a short dress so her legs were partly exposed.

"You wanna christen the place?" I asked.

She smiled for a moment. Then everything went downhill from there.

"No." She unwrapped her legs and pulled her dress down. She looked around for her sweater and found it n the couch.

She then gave me my shirt. "I'm sorry. I'm on my period."

She went to the living room and sat down. I followed her to the couch and sat down next to her.

"Okay, well we could just watch TV."

I got the remote and turned on the TV. It had to be the most awkward silence of all silences. I was going to say something until I heard her sniffling.

Believe it or not when I looked at her she was crying. I pulled her into me and held as she cried whispering comforting words to her.

"I'm so so sorry." She said in between sobs.

"Hey there's nothing wrong with not having sex with me. I mean we've done it before it's no problem if we don't do it now."

She cried even harder after that.

"It's not about sex. It's about so much more." She cried.

"Cam, what is this about?" I was confused and she kept crying.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked.

"No, of course not. It's just times are changing and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."

"Cami, things don't have to change between us. I love you and you love me right?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Then okay, what's yours is mine. Your problems are mine."

"Well then get ready for the problems to come."

"I've been ready."

We stayed like that until everyone showed up. It was hard to believe that all that happened in such a short amount of time.

"Hey Camille, you okay?" Jo said immediately said after coming in.

**Camille**

"Yeah , Jo I'm fine."

She could see right through me but I would explain it all to her later. This was not the time and place.

"So, let's get to cooking!"

Thankfully that distracted them and I made dinner.

**After dinner.**

The guys were all absorbed in the hockey game on TV so Jo and I cleaned up a bit.

"So, did you tell him?" Jo asked.

"No." I said simply.

"Yeah, okay Cam? He's going to find out sooner or later. Either you tell him or the paparazzi will the second they notice your baby bump."

"Yeah, I know. But things are going so well with him right now and I don't want to mess this up."

"Cami, it's not safe for the baby if you put all this stress on it and you haven't been to the doctor yet either."

"I know I know I know. I'll tell him this weekend."

"Do you want me to be there when you tell him?" she offered.

"No, that'll freak him out. I'd rather have you tell the guys."

"Okay."

I sighed. I knew life was a bitch but seriously being pregnant at eighteen. I feel like such a statistic.

**SO this is not the best first chapter but it will get better I promise. This will have a lot of angst and tragedy so even if you don't like the first chapter you will like the rest. Thanks for reading and please review. If you want this to be a good story you need to tell me what you liked and didn't like about it.**

**-Nessa**


	2. Save me if only for a day

**I do not own BTR but I do own the plot!**

**Camille**

I remember the day I realized that I wanted to be an actress. My parents were arguing again and so my neighbor took me out to see a play that was showcasing at the local theatre. The whole show was amazing, and the actresses were so beautiful. It wasn't their beauty and grace that drew me in though. It was the way they could make me smile or laugh by using the simplest of words or just a slight movement. It was really like the world was in my hands and considering what my life was like back then control was not something I had much of.

Later on when it was safe to go home I ran up to my mother and told her that one day I was going to be an actress. She took one look at me and she lifted her head up and laughed to the sky. I swear the aliens probably heard her. She told me I was practically signing myself up to be a professional liar. The second I learned to act the whole world would be my stage and the scenes would never end. Now with me being like 7 or 8 the sounded like the American dream.

When my dad got so fed up with me watching so much TV and trying to perfect my acting through doing all that he took me to acting classes. My mom kicked and she yelled and boy did she curse but he did it anyway. After that I got my start in commercials for shampoos and toys and bunch of other stuff too. There was only one thing ruining my happiness. I hated most of the stuff I was endorsing. The shampoos either smelled bad or the toys didn't even work. Those commercials are what brought to the realization that my mother was not kidding when she said I was training to be a professional liar. Whether I liked the item or not I had to suck it up and pretend that it was the greatest thing on known to man. The world really is my stage.

**Jo**

As I stared at the red numbers on my clock I could hear Camille running to her bathroom. It was 8 am and I was kind of happy she let me sleep past six. I got out of bed and made my way to her bathroom. She was puking her guts out into the toilet and even though it was so gross I sat down next to her and tied her hair in a ponytail and rubbed her back within minutes it was all over.

While she brushed her teeth out I was thinking about how I could approach such a sensitive topic without upsetting her.

"Hey Cami?"

"Mhmmm?" She groaned.

"Cami, I uh think it's time to tell Logan or maybe at least your dad."

She rinsed out her mouth than wiped her face in a towel and sighed.

"You're right." She said simply.

"I am? I mean yeah I am." I said in disbelief. I guess she's not in denial anymore.

"So does that mean you agree that you're pregnant?"

"I will when you and I go to the doctor's office." She said nonchalantly.

Wait is it me or is this all way too easily. Either the puke is really getting to her or she transformed overnight.

"Why are you being so calm and reasonable all of sudden? Where's the Cami I know and love?"

Camille sighed as she exited the bathroom and skimmed through her closet for an outfit.

"Your Cami is still here. I'm an actress remember? But you're right I need to get checked out. It's a celebrity doctor so hopefully the press won't find out before Logan or my dad does."

I walked over to her and hugged her. She didn't hug back at first but once she figured out I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon she hugged back.

"Cami, you know you don't have to fake it with me. I'm here for you and I know Logan will be too."

Before I knew it she was in tears. "But what if he doesn't want to be there?"

I smiled sadly at her. It was the first time I've ever seen her cry and to tell you the truth it scared me. Sure Camille is crazy and weird but she was always the strong one out of all of us, including the guys. She always seemed so invincible.

"Camille, even if he isn't there you have me and the guys and your dad."

"Yeah, but still. I want my kid to have a normal family."

"Oh honey don't you know that even with Logan around your kid will never be normal or have a normal family. He or she is going to have a crazy aunt and three crazy uncles who are going to teach her so many strange and weird things. I almost feel bad because you never know your kid could be the freak of the playground."

"Hey!" Camille said laughing. "I was the freak of the playground and I enjoyed every single minute of it!"

"That's good; you can give Jo Jr. some tips." I suggested as I got up.

"Really? Jo Jr?"

"Think about it. You'll see."

And with that we got dressed and headed off to the doctor's office.

**Camille**

**After Doctor Visit**

Wow. So I was definitely pregnant. Very most definitely absolutely pregnant. I was 8 weeks and the baby was doing pretty well. Jo was way more excited about this than I think I could ever be. She was already betting what the sex of the baby would be. She wanted a girl just so she could have a little Joanna Jr. and she was pretty damn sure she was going to get one.

I on the other hand was still in shock. I Camille Roberts am going to be a teen mother. How can I be a good mother to this child when I barely had a good mom when I growing up. I've been praying to God that Logan sticks around because I really don't want to mess up this child's life.

Since we took my car to the doctor's I had to drop Jo off at the Palm Woods while I go see my dad. Even though she offered several times to come with me I had to refuse. It's not like I didn't want her there but I think it would be easier if it was just my dad and me.

It didn't take me long to get to my dad's condo that I bought for him. It was only a few blocks from the Palm Woods and due to the fact that there was no traffic I was there in less than 20 minutes. I walked to his door trying to figure out how to tell him his little girl was pregnant at eighteen years old.

As I rang the doorbell a thought came to mind. My dad has never been a big fan of Logan so if I tell my father I'm pregnant with Logan's baby he'll flip. I started to panic as I heard my dad get closer to the door.

I was practically hyperventilating as I saw my father's face.

"Camille, honey are you alright? Why didn't you use your key?" he asked.

Yup I was officially hyperventilating.

"I'm pregnant."

Yeah, I totally pictured this differently. He stared at me with his mouth wide open and if he didn't close it I'm pretty sure a fly would fly in. I gently took his hands away from the door knob and led him into the house. I went back and locked the door and put a chair in front of it just in case he snapped out of his trance and went to hunt down Logan.

"Dad? I'm so sorry. I panicked so I just blurted it all out."

"You're _pregnant_?"

"Uh _yeah_. Did you not hear me a few seconds ago?" I asked.

He facial expression turned from utter shock, to fear, and now he was just plain furious.

"How could this happen?" He said pacing around the living room.

'Well, Dad when a man and woman….." I began

"Camille it's not a joke!" he said yelling "Did that boy pressure you or something?"

"No what? Dad I made the decision. And that boy is my boyfriend Logan."

"Or maybe it was I not raise you to have more self respect for yourself?"

I was shocked. He wasn't listening to me. He just kept going on and on about how bad this is and how everything's ruined.

"Dad, just listen. I wanted to tell you first. "

"Oh so you'll tell me you're pregnant but you won't tell me you're having sex?"

"Dad, please calm down."

That definitely didn't help my current situation.

"Camille, I don't even know what to say to you. Just get out."

I sat there just waiting for him to apologize and say he's sorry but he didn't. He went over to the door practically tossing the chair to the side and unlocked it.

"Camille, please don't make this harder than it should be."

"Me? I'm making this hard on you? Dad, I came here for support. Can't we just talk it out please?"

"I'm sorry, but I need some time. Please leave."

I got up and walked out. As I turned to say something else he had already slammed the door and locked it. I walked out to my car. I really didn't realize how much time had gone by because it was pretty dark outside. As I got into my car I realized that my tire was flat. Of course, God was now beginning to punish me for the whole premarital sex thing. You know, I bet he wasn't like this with Mary. I mean I'm not sure but didn't she get pregnant before marriage?

Yeah that thought did little to help my case because at the same moment I saw a few guys staring at me from the other side of the parking lot; I realized that even though these condos look really good they're not the safest place to live in.

So I jumped into my car trying to drown out the whistles and the perverted comments that the guys were yelling and locked the door. The only good thing was that I had my phone with me and I could call Jo.

Luckily she answered on the first ring but she wasn't alone.

"Hey Cami." She yelled over what I figured was the guy's arguing about something.

"Hey Jo. I kind of need your help."

The guys were getting louder and if I wasn't mistaken they were getting closer too.

"Hey hon, hold on." She said. "Guys, be quiet Camille is trying to tell me something."

There was suddenly silence. Well sort of, the dudes behind me were still yelling. I was getting really scared now.

"Jo, listen I need you and the guys to come get me please." I said panicking.

"Whoa, honey breathe." By now I knew I was on speaker but I didn't care.

"Jo, please. I'm scared." I said starting to cry.

"Camille, honey?" I heard Logan say

"Yea?"

"Tell me what's going on?"

It all came out in a rush. I managed to tell them about the dudes behind me and the flat tire. But I made sure to leave the baby out of the conversation.

"Ok, whatever you do not open the door. I will be there in a few minutes I promise." He said

"Please, hurry."

I took a quick look behind me and I noticed the guys were only a few feet away from the car. In no time they'd be at my window.

"Logan, please they're getting closer."

"Honey, we're in the car and almost there."

I could see them slowly but definitely walking towards my car.

"Hey sexy, come out and show me them legs of yours." I heard one of them yelled. The others just laughed.

Damn it, I picked the wrong day to wear a sundress.

"Camille? Was that them?" Jo asked. She probably heard them in the background.

"Yes." I said sobbing.

The footsteps were getting closer now and I dropped my phone. I couldn't breathe. I covered my ears so I wouldn't be able to hear them anymore. I began rocking back and forth in the driver seat trying to calm down but it wasn't working. Seriously what is God's problem?

I heard a knocking at my window and screamed.

"Camille! Open the door it's me." I heard Logan yell.

I looked up and believe it or not there he was. I unlocked the door and jumped into his arms. He really didn't expect it because we ended up on the ground. A second later Jo and the guys joined us.

"Sweetie, it's okay. You're safe now." Jo said trying to calm me down.

"Hey Cami, I would never let anything happen to you. It's okay they're gone now." Logan said

"Yeah, Camille. It's ok. They're all gone." Kendall said

My breathing slowed and soon I loosened my grip on Logan and looked around. They really were gone.

"Oh thank you God." I sighed in relief.

Jo and Logan helped me up but Logan remained close to me.

"Camille, why didn't you go back into your dad's?" James asked.

I swear he always has to bring up the questions I hoped no one would ask.

"I panicked. And I didn't know if I could make it. Plus, we had a fight."

Jo immediately understood. The guys on the other hand wanted more info.

"Well, it must've been one hell of a fight" Carlos said.

They would've said more if Jo hadn't stepped in.

"Guys, just let me talk to Camille for a second then we really need to get out of here."

Kendall, James, and Carlos shrugged and walked back to the car. Logan on the other hand wasn't leaving.

"Logan it'll only be a sec. It's okay." He hesitated but he went back to the car too.

Jo looked back making sure they weren't eavesdropping.

"He didn't take it well did he?" She asked

The tears came pouring again and Jo pulled me into a hug.

"Hey it's ok."

I pulled away from the hug and looked at her. I just couldn't fake it.

"No, Jo it's not."

I shook my head and turned back to my car to get my things and headed toward the guys. Jo followed and she didn't say a word I was glad she didn't. Luckily the guys took the Ms. Knight's van so we weren't squishing in together. I was stuck in between Logan and Jo. I knew he was worried about me, I knew all of them were worried about me. But all I was concerned about is my baby and how I'm going to tell Logan that he was going to be a father.

**Well there you go. Thanks for reading and I hope you guys please review. I'm praying this story turns out good. Happy New Year!**

**-Nessa**


	3. Revealing

**Logan**

In my life, I have only one fear. Failure. Don't ask me why but just the thought of failing anyone or at anything just scares the shit out of me. It's been like that since I was five years old. I was a pretty normal kid. Until my mom decided to leave. See my parents were like sixteen when I was born so at twenty-one my mom felt suffocated having a kid and a husband and she hated missing out on all the fun. So she decides to have a little fun of her own. She would leave for days at a time and then come back sober and perfectly fine for a few days. Then when the suffocation began again she was gone. I guess she was trying to have the best of both worlds. My dad wanted her to be happy so he'd wait for her. He would take me to my grandma's or to school and then after work he'd come get me and we'd play all day.

Of course, I asked for my mom but all he ever said was that Mommy was just having her play time. She'd be back soon. I always believed that because she always did. Now this continued until exactly a week before my sixth birthday. My mom had sent my dad a letter saying how she couldn't do this anymore. And by this she meant being in a marriage and having a kid so young. She said that she'd be back someday and to not look for her. She told us how much she loved us and how she needed me to be a good boy. I remember my dad crying for months. He always took care of me but I could tell he was hurting. So i did what my mom said. I was a good boy. I never talked back, always got good grades, and did as I was told. All because I thought she would come back. But she didn't. I waited 13 years but she never came back. She never called and she never wrote. I know she isn't dead. My dad's old high school friends hear from her every once and a while. She sent the divorce papers when I was twelve. She's married now. But she never came back for me. Never sent us an invitation to the wedding. I've moved on, but the sad part is that my dad still waits for her.

**Camille**

Every day scares me. I fear waking up in the morning because I want to forget I'm pregnant. I want to forget that Logan has no idea about his future child. He has no idea about all the lies. It's been two weeks since the argument with my dad and since then I've noticed a slight baby bump and I got my first picture of the baby. Jo of course is in love with it. It was weird. I had Jo come with me to the appointment and just seeing the baby made me feel good inside. But it also scared me. At this point I didn't care about my career I just wanted Logan to know. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. He knew something was going on but he never pushed me to tell him and for that I was grateful. Jo was worried because at the appointment the doctor said my blood pressure was a little high and he needed to get rid of all stress.

"Camille, we have to tell Logan." She said sitting next to me on our couch.

I looked up from the book I was reading and sighed. The baby was all she talked about with me.

"I will." I said simply

"No Camille. I'm worried. The first trimester is the most dangerous part of a pregnancy and with all this stress..."

"Jo, I am fine."

"No, you're not. If you don't tell Logan I will." She was serious. I could tell because even though she had been saying this for awhile her tone of voice was completely serious.

"Jo."

She shook her head and headed out the door. I dropped my book and stomped after her. She didn't even knock on their door she just stormed in and I was right behind her. I made it into the apartment before she could say a thing. The boys were sitting in the living room along with their manager Paul and Gustavo. The boys looked at us with concerned looks while Paul and Gustavo had amused looks on their faces.

"This is fantastic. Jo of New Town High and Camille of Forget Me are here!" Paul exclaimed.

"Yeah, just in time." Gustavo said.

"Um, what's going on?" I asked.

"Well, you're just in time. I was just telling the dogs about how Strong Sportz wants them and their leading ladies to endorse their new energy drink." Gustavo said excitedly

"Whoa, seriously?" Carlos asked.

"Seriously!" Paul exclaimed.

The boys jumped up and slapped each other high fives. Jo and I were the only ones with frowns on our faces. And unfortunately they didn't go unnoticed.

"What's wrong?" Kendall and Logan asked.

Jo turned to me and I nodded. We had both done our fair share of research on pregnancy. And caffeine is really bad for the baby. It's been brutal not having my usual two cups of coffee and a Red Bull but if it keeps the baby safe then I'm all for it.

"You tell the guys." I said.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me but I only looked at Jo.

"Okay."

"Logan, I need to talk to you. Alone."

He was scared. I'm not sure what was going through his mind but it was obvious the boy was afraid. He nodded and took my hand. He led me to his bedroom and I sat on the bed. I stared at him for a long time just really taking all of this in. I had to admit he looked really good. He was wearing a navy blue button down shirt that i bought for him and black jeans with converse. He looked perfectly fine compared to me. I was wearing one of his old t-shirts some Old Navy sweats and socks. My hair was put up neatly in a ponytail.

"Cam, what's going on?" He said after a while.

"Logan, I'm so sorry." I whispered.

He didn't know what I was apologizing for yet he still pulled me into his arms.

"It's alright."

"No, Logan."

"What are you saying sorry for?"

"Logan, I've been hiding something important from you."

"Camille, whatever it is, we can get through this."

I wanted so much to believe that but I just didn't know if I could or if we really could.

"Logan. I'm pregnant."

He froze. I felt him tense and I immediately removed myself from his embrace.

"Logan?"

He shook his head. I could see him mouthing words. No not words, _numbers._ He was trying to figure out how far along.

"Logan, say something." He just kept shaking his head.

He got up and ran his fingers through his hair. He kept pacing and I sat on the bed just rocking back and forth. My eyes were closed because seeing Logan like this made me feel out of control and out of my comfort zone. I needed him to say something. Anything.

"How long?" He finally whispered.

My eyes opened and I saw him watching me.

"Almost eleven weeks."

"No, how long have you known."

"Logan..." I started but he cut me off.

"How fucking long, Camille?" He voice was raised and I was getting scared.

"A month and a half."I whispered.

"So you knew for almost two months and you couldn't even have the decency to tell me that I was going to be a father?" He yelled.

I was silent.

"Shit, Camille answer me." He was loud and there was no doubt in my mind that everyone could hear. Logan never cursed and he never talked to me this way ever. I tried to search for something in his eyes and all I could see was disbelief. I had truly disappointed him.

"Logan, I was scared."

"Of what? I thought we could come to each other for anything. Our whole relationship is based on trust Cami."

"I know, but I was afraid of being a mom and I didn't want it to be real."

"God, Camille."

"Logan," I said getting off his bed.

I walked over to him trying to get his hand but he only moved away closer to the door.

"Logan, you have to understand."

"Understand what? That you lied? That you couldn't even trust me with this one thing? Do you know the first trimester is the most dangerous time for a pregnant woman? Does your dad even know?"

"Yeah, that's what the fight was about."

He sighed.

Tears were flooding down my face and I could feel the sobs deep down in my throat.

He took one last look at me and opened the door. I followed him out into the living room where everyone was watching but he didn't care. He left the apartment without even looking back. I called for him and he never turned or thought about looking back. He just kept going and I didn't know where he was going. But I let him go. He slammed the door behind him and I immediately sank to the floor. Jo and the guys rushed to me but I just kept crying. Jo pulled me into her arms and rubbed my back.

"Breathe Cami, breathe." I heard her say.

I just kept crying and crying. I couldn't breathe and I felt like I was going to blackout soon. My baby's father just walked out. I'm not sure if he's even going to come back.

"Camille, you have to come down." I heard Kendall say.

"Someone go get a cool cloth to put on her forehead." I heard Paul say.

I felt myself being lifted from the floor and I soon found myself on the couch. Jo put a cloth on my head and I soon found myself calming down. Everyone surrounded me with concerned looks. I sat up and Jo handed me a cup of water and I drank it grateful.

"Are you okay?" James asked.

"No." I said my voice hoarse.

"Wow, you're having a baby." Carlos said.

That earned him four head slaps and I smiled. "Yeah. I guess I am."

They nodded and Paul just shook his head.

"Does this mean no energy drink?" Paul asked.

We all looked at him and James and Carlos showed him and Gustavo to the door.

I looked down at my hands and I realized something. This is really happening.

"Cami, I'm here for you." Jo said

"Ahem, all of us are here for you." Kendall stated.

"No, you guys. This is my problem."

"No. First of all, it's not a problem and we're your best friends and we are not going to let our little niece/nephew hanging." James said

The others nodded.

"Logan." Was all i could say

Kendall walked over to me and took my hands.

"Camille, he just needs time. He'll be back. I promise."

"And if he doesn't?"

"He will."

"People change Kendall." I said

"Logan, is just scared. For once he doesn't know how to handle something so he goes out to figure it all out."

"And what if he never does?"

"It's Logan he will."

I sighed. That's all I really had to hold onto.

I went to bed that night in Logan's room hoping that he would come back. I waited and soon fell asleep.

Yay! I got the chapter up! Midterms are OVER! I hope you guys enjoy this one and I promise I'll update soon. Please review because I would LOVE to hear you opinions on this. Thanks to all who have stayed faithful and continued reading my stories and reviewing. And like I said on my profile just because I'm not writing a slash does not mean I have anything against them. Have a good weekend!


	4. Three Days Without You There

**Kendall**

We were all scared. Okay, screw that we were terrified. I think if Jo weren't here we'd be completely fucked. Besides the fact that James, Carlos, Logan, and I just found out Camille was pregnant, Logan hasn't been seen in almost three days. Fucking fantastic right? I don't mind helping Camille out, really I don't. But I've never in my three years of knowing her have I seen her this bad. All she does is eat, cry, and throw up. Now for pregnant women that might be normal but I've never seen Camille this upset. Logan really broke her.I promised her that Logan would be back and honestly I was pretty sure by the second hour he would be back then the hours turned to a day then that day turned to more days.

I'm starting to wonder if he'll ever come back.

We were all sitting in the living room trying to come up with a plan to find Logan and get Camille out of that fucking room. Carlos of course suggested we tie her up and drag her out of their but Jo practically bit Carlos' head off after that. James thought he could lure her out with his abs, which of course was just another excuse for James to show his abs. And I thought we should give her more time. Before we could actually think of an effective plan my phone rang. I sighed and picked it up.

"Hello?" I said slightly annoyed.

"Whoa, who's got your panties in a bunch?" Katie said.

"Listen, Katie as much as I would love to talk to you I'm kind of busy."

It was silent for a minute. I actually thought she hung up. It wasn't until I heard some noise in the other line and Katie talking to someone.

"Katie? What are you doing?"

Of course she ignored my question.

"Kendall, Logan's with me."

I almost dropped the phone after hearing that.

"Katie, why didn't you say so earlier?"

"Look, don't yell at me! I've spent the last 72 hours listening to Logan cry, vent, and cry. And let me tell you it's really weird."

"Why did he come to you?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. I guess he needed some time. And he definitely found it here. The kid is really upset."

"Yeah, well Camille isn't doing too well either. "

"Kendall, cut him some slack. He wants to come back, he's just afraid Camille won't let him. Plus, he's afraid Camille got rid of the baby."

"Damnit. He should know Camille wouldn't do that."

"Yeah, but he didn't think he would react the way he did three days ago, so to him anything's possible at the moment."

I sighed. He's probably beating himself up about it.

"Katie, put him on the phone."

"Um Kendall,"

"Put him on the phone."

I heard her sigh. I heard some more noise and then a voice.

"Kendall?" Logan said unsure.

I sighed. "Yup, it's me."

"How is she?"

"Horrible. She refuses to leave your room."

"I miss her. Is the baby okay?"

I sat back and looked at Jo as she stared back at me.

"At this point Logan you need to come back. Camille, well, I've never seen her like this. We're doing the best we can but really it's on you. She wants you."

"I know."

"If you know then why the hell are you not here?"

"Kendall, you don't understand. She probably hates me by now."

"Logan if she hated you she wouldn't cry for you day and night and i'm pretty sure she wouldn't be living in your room right now."

He sighed. "I miss her."

"Then come back to her. Be here by noon."

"Kendall..."

"Don't say a thing. She needs you."

"I'll be there."

"You better."

I hung up just as James got up to walk to Camille's aka Logan's room.

"So he's coming?" Carlos asked.

"Yup."

"That means we have to get Camille ready." Jo said. She got up and made her way to James and Camille.

**Camille**

Three days. Three fucking days and he's hasn't come back. He hasn't called. I haven't left his room in those days. I don't want to leave and have him come back while I'm not here so I wait. My body is now a clock. At seven I wake up and throw up for a good thirty minutes while Jo, Kendall, or someone else holds my hair back. Then they try to get me to eat than try to convince me to go outside with them. I'll eat I just won't leave the room.

I miss him. I can't sleep and I know that it is all my fault that this was happening. Without him I have nightmares. I scream and scream into his pillow and pray that when I open my eyes he's there but yet he isn't. I was scaring them. They have never seen me like this. I have never seen myself like this. I don't know how to snap out of this.

On the fourth morning, I think they had enough. After having James hold up my hair Jo came in. She had a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with flip flops. I recognized them as my clothes and gave her a puzzling look.

"Get in the shower, get dressed and meet me in the kitchen. No ifs, ands, or buts." Her tone was serious so I played along. I can't stay in here forever.

_**20 minutes later**_

I had to admit this was the best I've looked in the past few days. My baby bump seemed to be bigger but I knew I was just exaggerating. It was time for me to move on and stop moping. It's not safe for the baby. Logan is not coming back, I understand that now.

As I walked out of the room I took in the scene that was unfolding in front of me. The gang had prepared a beautiful breakfast and they were all waiting for me.

"Good morning sunshine. Good morning Jo jr." Jo said taking my hand and leading me to the table.

"Jo jr?" The three guys said in unision.

I playfully rolled my eyes and smiled. "Jo wants the baby named after her."

"Oh."

"Yup." I laughed.

We all sat down and at first it was quiet. They were all looking at me. Probably waiting for me to break again,but I couldn't let that happen.

"So, I've made a decison." I said

"And?" Carlos asked anxiously.

Kendall gave him a look and then turned their attention back to me.

"I'm okay with the whole single motherhood thing. Logan has his reasons."

"Cami? You have us remember? If we didn't want to be in this baby's life we wouldn't have stayed these past few days with you." Carlos said to me.

"Camille, we love you. " James added.

"I love you guys too. But I can't ask you to do this."

"You didn't ask and you never needed to. Honey, I've been in this with you from the start and I'll be here for the rest" Jo stated.

The guys nodded and I sighed.

"It's not going to be easy."

"Who said it was?" Kendall said smiling.

I smiled back and began to eat. We laughed and joked all through breakfast and ended up on the couch thinking about baby names and what my kid was going to be like.

It was 11:45 when the doorknob turned and the door quietly opened. I was the first one to see that he was there. I immediately got off the couch and jumped into his arms before I realized that that's the last place he probably wanted me to be. I tried to let go but I couldn't. One reason being that I missed him the other being that he wouldn't let go.

He was hugging me tightly but carefully. It was Logan's way of saying he missed me.

I stared into his eyes and all I saw was regret.

"I'm sorry. So so sorry." He said over and over.

"I know. I waited here. FOr three days Logan. Waiting for you. I'm sorry too."

"I shouldn't have said those things. I was mad and I had to get away before I said something even worse. Cam, I want the baby and I want you."

"Are you sure? Like really postive. Because things are going to change."

"I know."

"Fine. On one condition."

"Anything."

"Never leave me again. No, never leave us again."

"Never again."

I smiled. And I kissed him. I mean really kissed him. We weren't totally fine but we were okay for now. I was still afraid he was going to leave but I did my best to optimistic.

"Aw... How sweet!" Jo said coming towards Logan. I knew this was coming so I took a few steps back as Jo revealed a rolled up newspaper from behind her back.

Logan's eyes widened in fear as Jo began to beat him with the morning news.

"You fucking asshole! Do you know what the hell she's been through. this isn't a storybook moment. You have a lot to make up and so help me God if you leave again I will hint you down myself and-"

Kendall finally grabbed her and pulled her off of Logan. James, Carlos and I could not stop laughing. Kendall was trying to calm Jo down and Logan was hiding behind me. For a second I felt like everything was going to be okay. But then I got the same feeling that everything was not going to be easy from hear on out.

"Jo, I'm pretty sure Jo Jr. wants to see their dad live." I said smiling.

"Who's Jo Jr?" Logan asked.

We all looked at him for a minute.

"My child!" Jo yelled.

Logan looked confused. Jo was glaring at Logan and the rest of us were just cracking up.

**Awful chapter, Worst chapter. Rushed chapter. Please review and tell me honestly how you feel. I promise the other chapters will be better. This was a little rushed because I really wanted to update. I want this story as realistic as possible. Thanks for reading.**

**-Nessa aka poeticjustice13**


	5. Maybe We're Okay

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

_**Camille**_

Today was going to be a good day. I could already feel it. For the first time since I found out I was pregnant I got to sleep in with no nausea at all and second I was in bed with Logan's arms around me. This might sound a little weird but I love watching him sleep. He always does the weirdest things. Like once, he started talking about cheese cake and it was hilarious! Sometimes he'll randomly smile and mumble my name.

He must've realized I was up because soon his eyes fluttered opened and he smiled.

"You're up early." He whispered.

"Nope, not at all actually. It's 10:45."

He looked confused than looked at the clock.

"Wow. I didn't even hear you get up." He said a little worried.

"I never had to. No nausea today."

"Really?" He said sitting up.

"Yeah, really. So, do you know what this means?" I asked

"Nope, but I have a couple ideas." He said flirtatiously.

"Today, we are going to have fun. We are going to be normal teenagers."

"Technically, we're adults and we're pretty normal."

"Hmm, is being pregnant at 18 normal? Or how about waking up next to your boyfriend? Or having an Oscar or 5 extremely successful albums and 25 hit singles?"

"Okay, Cam when you put it like that maybe we're not so normal but who likes normal?"

"True." I agreed.

"So..."

"What did you have in mind today, Logan?"

"Well..." He said moving closer to me.

I knew where this was going so I played along. Before I knew it I was on top of Logan and my hands were tangled in his hair. Thank God, I was only two months along or else are bodies probably wouldn't have been able to still fit each other so perfectly.

"Completely and utterly normal." I whispered as his hands roamed my body.

"Tell me about it."

We continued to make out and pretty soon clothes were thrown around my room. I now know why people called make-up sex, make-up sex. It's been awhile since we've been together alone so I feel like this is what we needed.

An hour later we had both showered and were eating breakfast in my kitchen.

"Isn't weird that we haven't seen Jo and the guys all day?" I asked.

"Now that you mention it, yeah it is weird."

"Logan, what do you think about having a baby?" I asked out of the blue.

He was definitely surprised because he started choking on some bacon. After a few taps on the back and some water he was fine.

"W-why do you ask?"

"Well, it's been a week since you've been back and it's just something that's been on my mind but you don't have to answer if you don't want to." I said beginning to ramble.

"Whoa, Cam. Breathe. I'm fine with it." He said soothingly.

"I mean seriously Logan."

He stopped eating and looked at me. I mean really looked at me. He took my hand and kissed it.

"Camille, I have to admit I was shocked and a little upset but mostly because you hid something like that from me. I never once thought I would act the way I did but it happened. In my mind I kept thinking of so many horrible reasons why you would hide something so important like that from me. But after hearing how bad you were feeling all that really didn't matter. We are in this together and I don't plan on leaving. "

I smiled.

"I'm sorry Logan. I had my reasons. Think about it. I'm eighteen and it was pretty shocking. We were careful, and we did everything right and I still don't get how it happened but it did and I had trouble accepting that. At first I thought that it was anything but a pregnancy but of course Jo had me go to the doctors and it was true. Then I told my dad and you know he already doesn't like you so he didn't take it well. So many things happened that I didn't want to risk it with you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I know that now."

We finished our breakfast an decided to head to down the hall and see what the others were doing. So hand in hand with walked down the hall to the guys' apartment. When we got there we could already hear Jo yelling at the guys for something. When we opened the door her whole mood changed.

She took one look at my belly and began talking to it.

"Hi, Jr. How are you today?"

"Oh I'm fine." I answered.

"Not you honey. The baby. Did you feed her?"

"Um, if you mean did I eat breakfast then yes, I did."

"Good, I want little Jo jr. to be nice and healthy."

"Um, what makes you so sure its a girl?"Logan asked and I wish he didn't.

James and Carlos snickered quietly while Kendall merely shook his head.

"Because I read that the first person to find out about the preganancy is always right about the gender. Thus, the baby is a girl. Anymore questions?"

"Well, actually..." Logan started

"Nope, he has no more questions." I said cutting him off.

He gave me a questioning look.

"It's better if you don't get her started babe." I explained

"Got it."

So I made my way over to the couch and sat down and of course Jo was right there. I really didn't mind having her around. I didn't always get along with girls and Jo and I hit it off from the beginning. Still, she was really getting attached.

"So, have you guys thought of any names?" Kendall asked.

"Why would they? They already have the name Josephine aka Jo." Jo answered.

"Fine, do you have any back up names?" Carlos asked.

"Um, well we've thought about it but nothing is totally official." Logan explained.

The guys nodded in understanding.

"You know Jo could go both ways." Jo said

I playfully rolled my eyes while Logan got comfortable. Jo began on this rampage about how Josephine could easily be turned to Joseph.

"Okay, um, honey don't you think you're a little too into this?" Kendall asked.

"Nope. I might as well enjoy this while I can. It's going to be awhile before I get another niece."

"Another niece?" I said shocked.

Logan and I never really talked about more kids so this was a totally new concept.

"Yup. So any middle names? What about last names? You know..."

"Jo my kid is not getting your last name." Logan said laughing.

Jo sighed. "Fine."

"Wow." James, Kendall, and Carlos said.

"So are you three prepared to be uncles?" I asked.

"Oh yeah totally." James said getting excited."Your kid is going to be the most swagtastic kid in Hollywood. Look out Jolie-Pitt kids!"

"Yeah, and I'm going to teach the kid hockey!" Carlos said

"I'm going to teach your kid all I know about getting into trouble."

"Wow, that's great now Camille and I are going to have to tear our kid away from the mirror and beauty products, buy her a first aid kit and bail her out of jail a couple of times." Logan said sarcastically.

"Are you guys ready to be parents?" Carlos asked out of the blue.

Logan and I were silent for a moment.

"No." We said at the same time.

Everyone looked at us worriedly so Logan explained.

"Of course not. But I think that's okay. We're willing to try and we both think this could work. Sure, we may be a little weird and our lives are far from normal but we can give this kid a family and a life that we both never had."

"Yeah. We both didn't have the best childhoods but that's what might makes us good parents. We're going to accept our kid for who she/he is." I said

"Wow, you guys are going to be awesome parents. Plus, your kids going to have some really weird uncles and a psycho obsessed aunt who loves them." Kendall said smiling.

"Aww! Group hug." Jo yelled.

We all gathered around and hugged. I could feel myself tearing up and I smiled. Maybe I was wrong. God wasn't necessarily punishing me. He was testing me and I'm pretty I'm passing.

**Okay, so this was more of a filler chapter than anything else but this was necessary because I really wanted them to have a happy moment. This story is going to be sad so I at least wanted you guys to have a little happy moments here and there. I'm trying to make this story only Logan and Camille's POV but it's hard and I've been told it gets confusing so that's why I made this chapter only Camille. Um, I really hope you guys liked this and please please please review. So if I get at least 5 then I'll have the next chapter up by the end of this week.**

**Here are some things people have been asking me:**

**Are Camille and Logan back together?**

_**Yes, although technically they never broke up.**_

**Why did you have Logan leave like that?**

_**I wanted it to be real. After hiding it so long I couldn't imagine him just being all lovey dovey. After all they are only 18.**_

**Why is Jo's character so crazy in the story?**

_**To tell you the truth I'm not sure I just wanted to try something different. And since Camille is finally accepting the fact she's pregnant I wanted to add a little humor to the story. And I thought it would kind of funny if Jo really acted like that.**_

**Are you planning on finshing this story?**

_**Hell to the yeah! I want to finish this by the summer. **_

**Any other questions? If so, PM me or leave it in your review. Thanks for reading!**

**-Nessa**


	6. Support

**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own BTR or the characters who are from BTR.**

**Please please please check out _Meet the Parent _by _xBleepBlapBloopx_. It is such a good story. Plus she's a devoted reader of my story.**

**Camille.**

According to Jo, pregnancy suits me. I've learned to accept that I'm a mom. I wouldn't say I was the best pregnant woman ever but I'm not the worst either. Life hasn't changed yet and for that I am so happy. No one outside the gang and my dad (who's still not talking to me) know about the baby and I want to keep it that way. Sure, my manager and Gustavo know but that's good as long as no one says anything to anyone.

The only person who definitely has to know but doesn't know yet is Mrs. Knight. Now don't get me wrong I love that lady she's pretty cool and really sweet. Plus, she's like the mother I never got to have. So that's why I'm standing outside 2J with Jo and the guys. I really didn't want to be here. It was hard enough telling my father but telling Mrs. Knight is almost as bad as telling my actual mother. Remember I said ALMOST.

"Look, we can do this two ways Camille we can carry you in or you can go in quietly and we can all explain our situation." Kendall said.

I'm not sure if he was giving me a pep talk or just wanted to get facing his mom out of the way but either way I was far from convinced.

"Honey, look the sooner we do it the better. I mean it's kind of bad we didn't tell her in the first place." Logan added.

"You know what? Let's just get this over with. The sooner we're done here the sooner I can get to the Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie Dough Ice Cream that's waiting in my freezer." I said unenthusiastically.

"Eh hem." Jo said clearing her throat.

"Oh. I mean the wonderful vegetables that Jo prepared for lunch and I still haven't eaten them."

"That's better." Jo said smiling.

Seriously, doesn't this whole baby thing give me an excuse to drown my sorrows in junk food?

Kendall unlocked the door with his key and we all went into the apartment. It was quiet and at first we all thought no one was there until we saw Mrs. Knight pacing in the living room.

"Um, mom? What are you doing?

Her head snapped up and she glared. She took a few steps toward us and we took a few steps back.

"I've been thinking. And after you called me and said that you guys needed to talk to me I knew something was up. Of course Katie couldn't tell me so now you will. But I'm pretty sure I know what's going on."

"Well, it all depends, mom. What do you think is going on?" Kendall asked nervously.

"You knocked Jo up didn't you? Didn't you?" I mean seriously I wouldn't have been so angry if you just told me up front. But being all sneaky, your sister not telling me anything, and not seeing you around. Jo is pregnant." She said

Ok, Kendall looked confused, Jo looked pissed, James was checking his hair in his mirror, Carlos was just in shock and Logan looked like he was going to pass out any second. Me, on the other hand was not surprised at all. I knew she would think of something like this.

"Technically, Jo's not the one pregnant." I said

"Wait, Jo you're not pregnant?" Mrs. Knight said confused.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I just jumped to conclusions and I'm just so sorry... Wait then this means..." Mrs. Knight said turning towards me.

She walked over to me and stared at me in shock.

"I'm the one who's pregnant. Really really pregnant. Almost four months to be exact." I said with a sad smile.

"Wow, okay I need to sit down for this." She walked over to the couch and sat with her head in her hands.

I walked over to her trying to comfort her.

"I know you're disappointed. Trust me my dad is too. Hell, he won't even talk let alone look at me but please don't be mad. I wanted to tell you but I had to figure all this baby stuff out."

So you're pregnant...with Logan's baby?" She said finally registering the thought.

"Yeah. Yeah I am."

"Not my best accomplishment, but it's not a bad thing either."

Mrs. Knight was silent for a moment and Logan came to sit down next to her.

"I'm sorry. Just please say something." He pleaded.

Everyone was watching Mrs, Knight now.

"I'm not mad but I wished you guys came to me first. At least clue me in. Have you been taking any vitamins? Have you even been to a doctor?" She asked.

"Yeah, I have and the baby's healthy."

"That's good."

"So do you support us?" Logan asked.

"Always. No matter what. Just fill me in next time. This is not something eighteen year olds should deal with on their own."

"From now on, no secrets." Kendall said.

We all nodded in agreement. It was quiet for a few moments until Jo spoke up.

"Why did you think it was me?" She asked Mrs. Knight

"Well, to tell you the truth I like you but I'm a mom. I'm protective of my kids."

"Oh."

"Yup."

"Well, this went better than I thought." James said excitedly.

"So, have you guys thought of any names?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"Well, now that you mention that..." Jo began

"Oh dear God!" Kendall said making himself comfortable.

I laughed as I watch Jo go into a fully detailed story about my baby's name.

My baby. I like the sound of that.

**Okay, so we all know that sucked but I needed this chapter because I realised that I never put Mrs. Knight in the story. Now don't get the wrong idea here but I really wanted the part with Mrs. Knight to be funny but also serious. It kind of also goes with the whole mama bear being protective of her cubs. In the story Mrs. Knight didn't expect this from Logan. Please review because this is my second story I really need to know how I'm doing. I still love all my silent readers but I love my readers who review too. If you feel that the story is going down a bit tell me. I, myself, feel as if the story isn't as good as it started out to be. It'll get better I know that but these filler chapters just aren't doing well.**

**But don't worry next chapter is all about what happens when Logan goes to see Camille's father. It's all going to be from Logan's POV**

**Questions people want answered:**

**Does Mrs. Knight hate Jo?**

_**No not necessarily. Like I said I'm going by how some mothers are just really protective of their sons.**_

**So are you saying Mrs. Knight doesn't care for the rest of the boys?**

_**Of course not! She does care and that's what she meant when she said that she was protective of her kids. She considers Logan, James, and Carlos her sons too. Like I said she did not expect this from Logan because out of the four Logan is the most responsible and he keeps the rest in line.  
**_

**Does Camille regret being pregnant and does she consider her child a mistake?**

_**Hell No! When she said it's not her best accomplishment she didn't mean she was ashamed. And no she does not regret being pregnant. She wants to be a better mother than hers.  
**_

**Other than that thanks for clicking the link to my story and reading. I hope you guys enjoyed this and I will update soon. Have a good weekend!**


	7. Alone for the Day

**Camille**

I used to pray everyday since I was like twelve that my mother would come back. Sometimes I despise that woman and other times I just want to be able and hug her and know that she's real. That's not going to happen. She never wrote and she never called. She never tried to have any type of contact with me. I mean I understood that she left my father but I didn't know she had to abandon me too.

I remember the first time I asked my dad about my mom. It was a year after she left and only two months away from him and I moving to California. It took a lot of courage to ask but I finally did. Before I went to bed I went into the kitchen while he was having his nightly beer. I figured if he was at least a little drunk I would get some answers. I was completely and utterly wrong.

At first he was quiet. Like the type of quiet you see in horror movies when Freddie or Jason is about to pop and kill the character. Then he cursed. A lot. He wasn't cursing at me but at my mom. Saying how much of a bitch she was for leaving me. He never told me why she left or where she was then. The worst part was when he cried. At first a few tears fell but then came the waterfall. He was sobbing and all I knew to do was just watch. I didn't cry with him but I did throw away his beer and helped him to his bed. After that I decided that I would do better for me and my dad. Little girls should never see their dads cry because trust me it'll change you in ways that shouldn't happen. We needed to show mom that we were okay without her. And for a few years we were. And then I got pregnant.

Logan

Today by far was definitely not Camille's day at all. I could not get her out of bed. I decided to sleep at my apartment last night and leave Jo and Camille to some girl time. Apparently all Camille did was sleep. When I went back to her apartment she wouldn't let me in. She had locked the door and decided that this was the one day she wouldn't come out.

That's how I ended up sitting on the floor outside her room.

"Camille, honey? Are you sure you don't want to come out?" I asked for what was the 10th time that hour.

I heard her bed squeak and soft footsteps on the floor. She unlocked the door and looked at me. I had to admit she did not look well at all. Now I know a boyfriend is supposed to think that his girlfriend looks beautiful all the time and I do but even I know when Camille is in bad shape.

"Logan, leave me alone. All of you just let me have this day to myself alone."

"Are you alright? I mean Jo said you've been quiet all morning so..."

"Leave me alone. Please. I just need today." She said. Her eyes were pleading with mine to go away.

I tried to mask the hurt so I nodded.

"Thank you. I promise you I'm fine." she said before closing the door.

I sighed and walked back to the kitchen.

The gang was waiting for me there and they all had concerned looks on their faces.

"Is she alright?" Jo asked obviously concerned.

"Today, she just wants to be alone." I explained.

"Why? Is she sick?" James asked.

"I don't know. I mean she did come out for a minute but she didn't look like she had the flu but it seemed like she was just tired. She probably just wanted some time alone. If you think about it she has been under some major stress lately. She probably wanted a day away from everyone." I said.

"I'm worried." Jo said

"I know but maybe she just needs some time." Kendall said.

I sighed and then an idea came to mind. I turned to grab my car keys off the counter and looked at the gang.

"Where are you going?" Carlos asked.

"I can't tell you. If I do you might talk me out of this." I answered walking out the door.

Of course each of them followed.

"Logan, seriously just tell us." Kendall said frustrated.

"No, not yet."

We were in the elevator now and it was quiet for a moment. They probably thought I was going to do something stupid but even if it was I had to do something.

"Lo, we can go with you." Jo said trying to stall me.

"Nope." We were walking through the lobby and I stopped.

"Let me go. I'll be back, I promise. I just need to talk to someone."

"Well than talk to us!" James yelled.

"Not to you. Not yet."

This time when I walked away they didn't follow I got into my car and I drove. I realised that if they really wanted to follow me it would've been pretty easy to do. Thank God they didn't. Camille's dad's condo was only a few minutes away from the Palm Woods so I got there in no time at all.

I really don't know why I felt like doing this but I knew her dad didn't like me and I needed to clear the tension between him and Camille. Maybe that's what she was upset about. I wouldn't know for sure unless I figured out what happened.

I knocked on the door a little too roughly and he came rushing to the door immediately.

"Whoa, where's the fire? Oh, it's just you." He said rudely.

I had to admit he looked just as Camille did this morning. He looked like he was exhausted. His hair was a mess. His clothes looked like he had been wearing them for days. His breath reeked of beer.

"Mr. Roberts, please just talk to me." I said trying to ignore his appearance.

"Heh, you want me to talk to you? You of all the people on Earth? Hell, I'd rather talk to my ex-wife before I ever have anything good to say to you." He said

He began to shut the door but my foot stopped the door just in time.

"Look, I know you've hated me from the start but hear me out. Camille's sick."

He looked at me for a long time. A good five minutes to be exact. Then he opened the door and let me in.

I walked in in shock. The place was fairly neat aside from the beer bottles scattered throughout the apartment. He led me into the kitchen as he grabbed another Bud Light from the fridge.

"So how is she?" He asked.

"Not well." I said with my eyes still on the beer in his hand. I was trying to figure out how many beers he'd probably had in the last 24 hours.

"Yeah, well I kind of guessed that. Do you really think I would've let you in if you hadn't mentioned Camille?" He said annoyed.

"Um, well she's not like sick with the flu but it's more like she's stressed or more like depressed about something and I don't know what it is."

Her dad nodded. He sighed and sat on the stool across from me.

"The same as always. I thought she was over it. She seemed like she had been over it after the first 3 or 4 years. I guess her mother was right about another thing; maybe acting is another world for a professional liar.

I just sat there confused and he just stared at me and chuckled sadly.

"I'm guessing I wasn't the only one fooled. You don't know what today means to Camille do you?" He asked.

I thought long and hard but in the end I shook my head no.

"Today was the day Sara left me and Camille for good."

"Whoa, by Sara you mean Camille's mom?"

"Yup, the one and only."

"Okay, call me dumb but I don't understand."

"Camille's mom left when Camille was eleven and she was stuck with me. At first Cam didn't believe it but after a year she seemed over it. She picked herself up and went back to acting. I figured since she was fine maybe it was time to leave Connecticut and finally let her pursue her dream full time instead of one commercial here and there."

"So, what was it like the first year?"

"Hell. She was a wreck. Lost all her friends because she would wait for her mom. All Camille did that year was leave home for school and that's it. She even stopped acting. I don't know what happened but soon she just stopped waiting. There were no more tears no more depression. Then it started again but only when it's the anniversary of that day."

"How come I never noticed it was hurting her like this?"

"Because my daughter may not get too many acting roles but she is one hell of an actress."

"So what do I do?"I asked.

"Give her space. Let her have today. Don't force her to talk to you or anyone else." He said.

I nodded. Camille's dad got up from his stool and emptied his beer into the sink. He then began to pick up all the bottles around the house and soon I found myself helping him.

"Time to sober up." He said sadly.

I didn't say anything. Then again I didn't know what to say.

"You know kid, I have my reasons for not liking you." He laughed.

"May I ask what they are sir?" I said trying to be as respectful as I could be.

"For so long I had been the only man in my daughter's life. I can admit I may have not been the best dad but I loved her and she was the only who still loved me enough to stay. Then you the pop star came and it was like everything was changing again."

"I'm taking good care of her."

"I know you are. If I didn't believe you were do you really think you'd be alive right now?"

"I guess not." I answered nervously.

"Look, I needed time to think about this whole baby thing. I'm not happy that she's ahving a kid so young and maybe just a tad disappointed in her for not waiting or at least talking to me about the sex thing but there is one thing that I am okay with."

"Uh, what is that?"

"I'm happy that the father is you. I may not like you all that much because you took my daughter from me and knocked her up but you are a good guy. Camille knows how she deserves to be treated nad I can see you treat her better than any other man could."

"Wow, thank um sir." I said gratefully.

"Eh, don't think too much of it." He said gathering more bottles.

I continued to pick them up when a thought came to mind.

"You should go talk to her." I said

He stopped and looked at me.

"I don't know kid."

"She wants to see you. She thinks you're ashamed of her."

"I'm not." He answered.

"Then go tell her that. She has to hear it from you."

He thoguht about it and sighed.

"Fine. Tomorrow." He said.

"Really? Like seriously?" I asked happily.

"Yes, now leave before I change my mind." He said smiling slightly.

"No problem you can just pretend like I was never ever here." I said packing out of the house.

I closed the door and ran to my car. In no time at all I was in the Palm Woods' parking lot. It was only four so Camille would probably be taking her afternoon nap. Hopefully the guys didn't bother her today.

As I walked towards the lobby I saw a huge crowd of people blocking the doorway. Before I could even attempt to figure out what was going on I heard someone shout.

"There he is! The father to be, Logan Mitchell!"

Before I knew it, I was blinded by flashes and being hit in the mouth wit microphones. One thought came to mind. Paparazzi.

'Logan, are you happy to be soon-to-be dad?"

"Logan, is this a publicity stunt to show your fans that you're not a Jonas Brothers wannabe?"

"Logan, is the baby even yours?"

I had ignored every other question but the last one truly got to me. SO I grabbed the microphone.

"It is my baby and yes I am happy to be a father and no it's not a fucking publicity stunt. Now get the fuck out of here!"

**Okay so I decided to end the chapter here. I'm trying to go back to my old way of writing and I hope you guys enjoyed it. Thanks for reading my story and staying with me through this. Please review and I promise I'll update my next weekend but it all depends on school.**

**I just want to say thanks to each and everyone of you. Silent readers and my reviewers. I love writing and you people make me feel good about myself and you don't even know me. So thank you for making me feel like I'm someone. Thank you for understanding.**

**So please review!.If you are confused by anything please leave it in a review and I will answer.**

**-Nessa aka poeticjustice13  
**


	8. Fear

**LOGAN  
**

I used to wonder what I had to live for. Sure, I was smart and yes, I was a pretty good kid but I couldn't find anything that I really wanted in life. I wanted my mother back but it soon became pretty obvious I wasn't getting that either. I never tried suicide because even then I still didn't have anything to look forward to. I mean seriously, I die and then meet God or whoever and that's it. When BTR started I had something to keep me occupied. I had something to do other than watching my dad still wait for my mom when it was obvious the woman was never coming back.

Hollywood brought on new pressures and new goals I wanted to reach. I didn't have to be bored. It's like a part of me that I never knew existed decided to come out. Now, the old me was still there and so were my goals of college and med school but now I had more. But there was still something missing.

It wasn't until one faithful day when that mess of curls first slapped me in the face that I realised what I was missing. Love. I never believed love was the answer to everything but when it came to Camille it sort of was. We have had our ups and downs between me not wanting admit that I had feelings for her, to her kissing James, and then the whole Peggy thing. Our relationship was complicated but we always found our way back to each other and I could never do that with girls that I'd dated.

I had never had a girlfriend before Camille but I did go out on dates (courtesy of James) with several girls. I never could find myself going on second dates with the same girl. Now it may sound like I had been a player but that's not it. They weren't what I was looking for. I wanted someone who would stay. Someone I could count on someone to fall back on and that's how I ended up with Camille. I would not have any other way.

**CAMILLE**

I'm okay now. Or at least I feel like I should be, like I have to be. Everyone was worried they even had Mrs. Knight come in and talk to me before even she realized that all I wanted was to be left alone. It wasn't until around eight o'clock that same night that I left my room. I was hungry and was craving some pizza. Everyone was staring at the big screen in the living room. As I got closer I could hear the t.v. better and I realised what was going on.

"This just in! Late this afternoon, Logan Henderson, member of Big Time Rush confirmed that him and star Camille Romano are expecting." Ryan Seacrest said.

My jaw literally dropped and I let out a gasp.

"OMG! Another teen starlet pregnant? Hmm, even in Hollywood there are statistics!" Guiliana Rancic laughed as Ryan continued the story.

"I guess so. In a fit of rage Logan Henderson completely spilled the secrets about his impending fatherhood to none other than the paparazzi. This morning a bunch of pictures of Camille were released showing what could be a baby bump. So when going back to his home at the Palm Woods he was bombarded by the paparazzi and I guess he just lost it. Here's the clip, that someone captured."

A video of Logan being surrounded with flashes of light and microphones appears. He seems to be annoyed actually.

'Logan, are you happy to be a soon-to-be dad?"

"Logan, is this a publicity stunt to show your fans that you're not a Jonas Brothers wannabe?"

"Logan, is the baby even yours?"

All sorts of questions were being fired at him and he just couldn't take it. And in the most _un_ Logan way he exploded.

"It is my baby and yes I am happy to be a father and no it's not a fucking publicity stunt. Now get the fuck out of here!" He yelled before storming through the lobby.

The video is then cut off by someone turning off the t.v. and calling my name.

"Camille?" Jo said concerned.

I didn't say anything. I don't think I had anything to say. I wasn't mad and I wasn't upset but I was sure as hell shocked. I think my expression was scaring them because Logan rushed over to me with concern filling his eyes.

"Camille, say something please. I'm sorry I know this isn't the way you wanted this come out but I just blew up. And I know that isn't an excuse but I mean I couldn't let them say those things and..." He just kept going on and on with the apologies but in my mind there was nothing to be apologising for.

"Stop." I said

Logan stopped talking and followed me as I went over to the couch and sat in between Kendall and Carlos.

"I'm not mad. Really I'm not. Maybe in shock but nothing more than that."

"So, you're okay with everyone knowing your pregnant?" James asked.

"Yeah, are you? What about Logan revealing it to the paparazzi?" Carlos asked earning a head slap from Kendall

"If it were up to me I wouldn't want anyone to know, but this saves me the trouble of having to tell the world myself."

"Cam, are you sure you're okay with this?" Jo asked.

Before I could answer my manager Cindy walked in. She took one look at me and scowled.

"You." She said glaring.

"Did you watch E! News just now? You and your pop star boyfriend are all anyone is talking about!" She said frustrated.

"You know this ties into be careful what you wish for Cindy. Remember those old days when you wanted me to be the most talked about new star? Well, wish granted just a little late than expected." I said amused.

"Look, Cindy, It wasn't Camille's fault. I was a little angry and..." Logan said trying to explain. That is until Cindy cut him off.

"No, you look. All you had to do was wrap it up and we would not be in this situation." she said yelling at Logan.

Logan of course blushed beet red and Cindy turned back to me.

"And you, what the hell ever happened to just saying no?" She asked me.

I wasn't sure if she was expecting an answer or not so I stayed silent.

"Well, is there anything you want to say?" She asked tapping her foot impatiently.

"Um, not really, I don't know why you're surprised when last time I checked I_ did _tell you what was going on. What am I supposed to say I'm sorry? I honestly don't feel as if I have to much to say yo you unless you try talking to me like a person, not your money-making lap dog." I said getting upset.

"How dare you talk to me like that? Don't you know that it was I who made you?" She said disgusted.

"Okay. Number one stop talking to me like you're my mother when we both know you're not. Second, you didn't make me. Last time I checked I hired your help but I landed those jump start roles myself. You've been my managerfor all of what? Six or seven months?"

"You know what, I will not have a child speak to me like this." Cindy said

"Okay, Cindy. I'm not trying to be rude but seriously. You're like 25. I'm only a few years younger than you and I'm a legal adult. Please, I'm begging you to stop."

"Okay, maybe we all should just calm down." Logan said stepping between me and Cindy.

"You know I'm all for kicking the bitch out!" Jo said looking around.

"Can we all just be calm human beings?" Logan said

"You know I could quit, if I wanted. Then again I'm too much of a nice person to do so."

"Okay, seriously what bit you in the ass?" Carlos asked annoyed at Cindy.

I got up and walked over to Cindy. She smirked.

"You're fired." I said simply.

She looked taken aback for a second but quickly recovered.

"You can't do that." She said shaking her head.

"Yes, yes I'm pretty damn sure I can."

She laughed. "You'll regret this. I made you. I fucking made you who you are today."

"Whatever." I slammed the door shut behind her gently slid to the floor.

Everyone was cheering and saying how happy they were that she was gone (don't get me wrong I was too) but I had a strange feeling in my stomach. Literally.

"Whoo! This calls for celebration!" Carlos yelled.

Of course he ran straight to the kitchen to where Jo kept the corn dogs.

Everyone was just sitting around watching Carlos stuff a bunch of corn dogs in his mouth. I was still on the floor debating if I should get up or not. It wasn't until Jo looked at me and frowned.

"Cam, are you okay?" She said hurrying towards me.

I looked up at her and suddenly the pain numbed.

"Yeah, I'm-"

I almost finished that sentence but then the all too familiar wave of nausea hit me like a tom of bricks and I pushed past Jo and made it to the trash can just in time.

"Whoa, is she alright?" I heard James ask in the distance

Logan was at my side immediately with a glass of water in his left hand and rubbing my back with his right. Jo was pulling my hair back.

I felt horrible. The vomit just kept coming back. I had to be at that trash can for at least 20 or 30 minutes. This had to be the worst case of morning sickness I had in a while. the worst part was that I only had a bagel today so my stomach was completely empty now.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and reached for the glass of water.

"Oh my God. Cami, look at your hand!" Jo yelled.

The rest of the guys ran over as Logan and I looked at my hand. The guy gasped in shock while Jo called the hospital. Everyone's words were now a blur as I saw them rush to find car keys and try to get me in the car. Logan was whispering calming words into my ear but I just continued to look at my hand. I felt myself be picked up and still I oculd not snap out of this trance.

All I could stare at is the blood that covered a good portion of right hand.

_**Okay so I have to admit that was a pretty darn good chapter. So there you have it. I will probably update next weekend. I'm pretty busy next week so I had to leave you readers with something to last you for awhile. Oh and for all you wondering what is going on. Camille just threw up blood. No she is not having a miscarriage.**_

_**-Nessa aka poeticjustice13**_

_**Please review! I appreciate all of my readers and thank you for my most recent review's! Some of my favorite writers for this fandom actually read my story and I'm still freaking out! Oh and if you are confused about something just write it in a review or PM me.**_


	9. Stressed

Logan

I hate hospitals. I hate everything about them. The one thing though that irks me the most about them is the unbearable silence and waiting that comes with being in them. We were the only ones in the waiting room besides the nurse at the desk. Mrs. Knight hadn't come yet due to the fact Katie was sick and Gustavo and Kelly were on vacation in Cancun.

So that leaves us in a hospital waiting room terrified.

I couldn't sit down so I paced around the room. We had been there for over two hours and still no one could tell us about Camille. As I took a look around the room I noticed that everyone was just as bad as I was.

Jo was huddled into a corner staring into space as Kendall tried (but unsuccessfully) to comfort her. Carlos was praying. James just sat there. It was like he was there but not really there. We didn't know how to comfort one another. But being here together is good enough for me.

"Guys," I said trying to snap them out of their trances.

They each looked up at me waiting for me to say something. Anything that could make Camille okay.

"Maybe, you guys should go home. It's getting late and all of us here..." I didn't get to finish my sentence.

I just couldn't. They all knew I needed them here. I couldn't even lie to myself by saying that I didn't need them here.

Jo got up and wrapped her arms around me.

"We're not going anywhere." she whispered into my ear.

I hugged her and prayed the tears wouldn't fall. The guys came and wrapped their arms around us and we all just stood there. The nurse was probably looking at us like we were a bunch of freaks. But we're family.

"We're here until the very end." Kendall said

"And even after that we'll be around." Carlos said encouragingly.

"Thank you. You guys don't even know how much I appreciate all of you." I said.

"We know, hon. Trust me we know."

We all separated and sat down. The nurse was no longer at her station so now we were completely alone.

"Camille picked a name." I said suddenly.

Everyone (especially Jo) looked at me in excitement.

"She didn't tell me what exactly but she said she was kind of going with what Jo said. You know with the whole Jo Jr. thing. But with a little twist."

"That's great!" Jo said jumping up in excitement.

Kendall laughed at her and Carlos and James merely smiled.

"Wait, did you guys decide on a last name?" Jo asked.

"Jo, for the last time they are not giving_** their**_ child **_your_** last name!" Kendall said slumping back into his chair.

"Are you using a tone with me? Are you?" Jo said irritated.

"Well, hon. Don't you think it's a little bit weird that-"

"No!" Jo answered not letting him finish.

"Well, it is a little weird." James said.

Carlos quickly scooted to the chair next to me out harm's way.

"What did you say?" Jo said shooting daggers at James.

"N-nothing. Why don't we ask Logan for his opinion?" James quickly said.

I sat there wide-eyed as Jo turned to me.

"Yeah," I said "I'm not in this. Maybe you should just ask Camille."

The one thing Camille could definitely do is say no to Jo. Jo may be the most stable person out of all of us but she can really be obsessed when it comes to things she's passionate about.

"You know what, I will." She stomped over to the nurse's station to the new nurse who had just sat down. We anxiously followed just in case Jo decided to do something crazy.

"Um, hi. I was wondering if we could get a little information on a patient." Jo said in her normal I'm not crazy, I'm a kind and normal person.

Yeah, the nurse so wasn't buying it.

"Depends what you wanna know, miss. Now who's the patient?"

"Camille Roberts."

She typed something on her computer and we heard a little ding and then the nurse turned back to us.

"I can't give any of you information. Now have a nice night."

Of course, we all were angry. I mean two hours and still we hadn't heard a thing?

"Oh no. We have been here for hours. So go back to your little computer and please find Camille Roberts. She is nineteen weeks pregnant. We want to know what the hell is going on!" Jo said slowly going into crazy mode.

The creepy part was that she somehow managed to climb on top of the desk and was a mere few inches away from the nurse's face.

The nurse turned to Kendall.

"Can you get your little psycho girlfriend outta my face?" said the nurse.

"No problem. Sorry about this. She's really normal I swear she's just a little attached to the baby that's all." Kendall said as he tried to pull Jo down. She reluctantly got down but continued to glare at the nurse.

"Are you sure there's nothing you can tell us?" I said in a pleading tone.

The nurse looked at me for a second than looked around the room.

"I could get fired for this but..."

"Please, anything would make the waiting a little bit easier." Carlos said.

"Your girl is the talk of the hospital. We all love you guys here. It's definitely not a miscarriage so you guys can get that one out of your minds."

We all sighed in relief. And I felt a small smile find its way to my lips as Jo jumped in excitement and the guys slapped high fives.

"Thank you." I said shaking the nurse's hand.

Just then a guy who we all guessed was the doctor came out into the waiting room.

"Is there anyone here for a Camille Roberts?" he asked.

"We are!" We all yelled at the same time.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Is everything okay?" Jo asked.

"You have really nice hair..." James said in a weird voice.

We all looked at him as Kendall slapped the back of his head.

"Focus!" Kendall yelled." Now, doc, is Camille alright?"

"All pregnancies are risky, but when it's someone this young it's really risky for the child and the mother. The blood was from the continuous vomiting and all our test came back negative so it's nothing serious. The one thing i am concerned about is her blood pressure. It was way too high for a person. I need you guys to make sure she has no stress."

"This is all my fault." I said turning away from everyone. I sat down in one of the waiting room chairs and put my face in my hands.

"Logan, don't say things like that. You couldn't have known. No offense but Camille isn't too open about how she's feeling. Especially now that the baby is involved." James said.

"Yeah, Cam is the most caring and compassionate person I know but she has trouble with expressing strong emotion." Jo explained.

"But still..."

"No, Logan." Carlos said a little forcefully.

"Logan, go see her. Talk to her." Kendall suggested.

I looked at the doctor. "Can I?"

"Of course."

He led me to her room and I hesitantly knocked on the door. A nurse opened the door and her eyes immediately widened.

"Oh..my.. God! So, it's true. You are the baby's father. You're Logan Mitchell! Ahh!" She looked just about ready to start hyperventilating.

I'm pretty sure the nurse was like in her mid forties so I was surprised that she even knew who I was.

"Um, do you mind?" I heard Camille say.

"Oh sorry."

She let me in and let herself out.

I turned and looked towards Camille. She did not look happy at all.

"I hate hospitals."

"Me too." I answered back.

I walked over and sat in the chair next to her bed.

"Can you lay on the bed with me instead?" she asked

I got up as she scooted over to the other side of the bed. Instinct took over and I put my arm around her as she cuddled up to my chest.

"Now this is how I like it." she said smiling.

We just lied there for what seemed like forever in this oddly comfortable silence. If I didn't hear the dripping of the IV I probably would've forgotten that I was eve in a hospital.

"Why didn't you tell me you were stressed?" I asked cautiously.

Her body tensed. "I'm not stressed."

I sighed. "Camille"

"What Logan? What do you want me to say?" she asked her voice getting hoarse.

"I want you to tell me when something is wrong. You don't even have to tell me but damn Camille tell someone!" I was yelling now.

"Well, sorry Logan." She said sarcastically.

I shook my head and got off the bed.

"Logan!" She said in disbelief.

"Tell me to leave Cam. Tell me to fucking leave!" I shouted at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"If I'm stressing you out then I'll leave. Just tell me what to do so you can feel better."

"Logan, you think you're what's stressing me out? Logan in a few more months I'm going to be a mom and I'm only eighteen. The whole world knows, and I'm a statistic. You are at the bottom of the list!"

"What?" I asked completely confused.

"You know what? Forget it."

"Make me understand. Get through to me. Talk to me."

She was quiet for a long time, her head was resting on her knees and she just looked so vulnerable.

"Just hold me."

I sighed and walked over to her and got back on the bed.

"I love you. Please, remember that. Always remember that." She whispered.

'Always will and always have. I love you too."

"We're in this together aren't we?" she asked.

"Of course. Little Jo Jr. is ours." I said smiling.

"Josephine Zariah Marie Mitchell. Jojo for short."

"Beautiful." I whispered into her ear.

"For a boy. Logan Joseph Mason Mitchell. Joey for short."

"That will really make Jo's day."

"Tell me about it."

**_Okay, so there it is. I am so happy that I finally put this up. Please review. Thanks for my beloved readers and the best chapter but it's something.  
_**


	10. Hey Baby, I Think I Wanna Marry You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush (both group and show) therefore I should not be sued. I do own the plot though, so I guess that's better than nothing.  


* * *

**

**Camille**

I can't say I'm always proud of what I see when I look in the mirror each day. Sometimes, I want to throw the closest thing to me into that mirror just so I wouldn't have to see my face. The fact that I am a Hollywood star doesn't help either. No one understands, especially my friends. As most people know it took me 32 auditions to land me my first role but technically I had already landed roles in commercials. For some reason, shows and movies just didn't work well with me and I could never understand why. Most people said I got lucky when I finally a role. It was for Magic Middle School and I was a part of the main cast. Long exhausting hours with a whole bunch of people who could really care less about you. My dad was my manager for a long time so usually he would try to get me to land roles in things that I truly felt comfortable with. The sad thing is, even though he tried so hard to make sure I was alright with what I was doing, I never truly was.

That is the sad part about Hollywood. It's a game. A constant fight for survival. A constant fight to be at the top and stay there. But in the words of my mother, just because you've reached the top doesn't mean there's not another mountain climb. Well mama, I'm climbing so when the hell am I going to be at the top again?

**

* * *

Logan**

We just laid there in silence. After hearing the baby names I guess it really sunk in that I was going to be a father. I mean I knew but I didn't actually realise it until now. I, Logan Mitchell, am going to be responsible for someone other than myself. I am going to have to raise my son or daughter to be the best person they can be. I want us to be a real family.

"Cam?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go right ahead." she said

"What do you think the future is going to be like?"

She sat up and looked at me strangely.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, with us. Do you think we can really do this? Do you think I can do this?"

She sighed. "Logan, seriously?"

"Cam, dead serious here. What do you think?"

"I don't know. I really can't tell you. I mean it's up to us. I mean I'm going to be realistic here. Both of us are barely adults, and we live in the spotlight 24/7. We have the support of friends and family but when it comes to us being together all I can do is hope that we do stay together. Not just for the baby but because we want to be together."

"I understand."

"And to answer your question. Yes, I do think you can do this."

I smiled and gave her a peck on the lips.

"Do you think I can do this?" she asked me.

"I do. You're caring, understanding, and I feel like you're already a mom because you always take care of all us. How can you ask that?"

She snorted.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed but I'm not the most stable person ever. I mean I don't even know how a mother should be like. My mom didn't give me much of a good example. I mean she was a good person, just not always when she needed to be." She explained.

"I don't remember mine too much. I just know that she was nice and would play with me and stuff. The problem was that she didn't always want to play mommy."

"I know what you mean." She said in agreement.

"We'll be okay."

"How sure are you about that?" she asked me.

"Let's just say 99.99 percent sure."

"And the other one percent?"

"That's the part of me that's afraid."

"Of?"

"Everything."

We sat there in silent. Just staring into space.

"What are you really afraid of?" Camille asked suddenly.

"Failure."

"Hmm.. Interesting fear."

"What's yours?"

"I don't like losing control."

"Of?"

"Anything. Everything."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She said beginning to close herself off.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in.

"Why?" I asked.

"If I don't have control than I have to face reality."

"What's wrong with reality, Cam?"

"Everything. In reality you can't control how people see you, especially in this type of life. Nothing good ever comes out of reality. Only a few things do."

"Such as?"

She turned and looked me in the eyes and spoke.

"You. Our friends. But mostly you. I lose control with you but I'm okay with that."

"Why?"

I said for the fifth time.

"Because when I first met you, something changed. Same with the guys and same with Jo. I felt like I could be okay even when I knew I wasn't. I felt stable."

"How do you feel now with a baby?"

"Not in control. But lately I've given up on believing that every thing happens for a reason. I've never been too religious but I think God is trying to send me some message. It sounds crazy but it might true."

"Are you happy?"

"With you? Yes. The baby? Yes."

"In general?"

"I don't know yet."

"How come?"

"Logan. it's not that easy. You can't just wake up one morning and be like, yeah I'm going to be happy."

"True, but do you want to be with me? Not just for now but someday."

"If you're asking if I'd ever marry you, than yes, I would."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Yup. I feel safe with you. I've received something from you that I've received from other people but not in the same way."

I racked through my brain trying to figure out what she was talking about but I gave up.

"And what is that?"

"Love. You loved me even when I didn't know how to fully love myself."

"I did?"

"Yeah. You taught me how to trust myself. Even if I don't always do, I still know to try."

After that we were both quiet for a while. We just laid there in each others arms.

"Camille?"

"Yes?"

"Will you marry me?" I asked confidently.

It was quiet for what felt like hours when it was only minutes.

"Even if it doesn't work out and you want to leave you can whenever you want. But I love you and you've taught me just as much as I've taught you. Maybe even more. I wouldn't want to marry anyone but you."

"Yes." she whispered.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"Yes, I will marry you. I wouldn't want to marry anyone but you."

I smiled and kissed her slow and gentle.

"I love you." She whispered into my neck.

"I love you too." I said back.

* * *

**There you go readers. I felt like this was my best chapter I've written so far. I really let everything I felt and put it into this. I wanted Logan and Camille to have this moment. Because really this is a learning experience for both of them. They both aren't too stable but with each other it works out perfectly. They both have a part of themselves that they hide and I wanted this chapter to portray that.**

**-Nessa**

**Please review. Reviews mean love. Love means appreciation. Appreciation means another chapter. Another chapter means happiness for you and me.  
**


	11. We're Good

**I'm back and ready to rumble!**

**Disclaimer:I do not own big time rush. If I did most of the Kogan slash stories or the Logan/Camille stories probably would be real in some weird odd universe.**

* * *

**CAMILLE**

If I said I didn't like hospitals that would be the understatement of the year. I mean really, I despise them. I mean the rooms practically reek of death. My biggest problem is the quiet. Besides the beeping of the machines and the occasional phone I hear ringing down the hall, it's just quiet. And it's a weird quiet, like in those horror movies where the main character thinks she's finally gotten away from the psycho killer only to find that when she closes her eyes for just a second their he is waiting for her, following her, waiting to kill her.

Okay, too dramatic. Thank God, it's my last day in the hospital. Now that everything is okay, I can finally go home. All I've wanted is to go home to the Palm Woods with my friends...with my baby...with Logan.

Logan...Just the thought of him can brighten up my whole day. With as many days as the boys and Jo missed of work they had a lot of catching up to do. Now that my agent quit on me there aren't too many movie roles being offered.

"Hmm, well someone is deep in thought." a voice called out.

I tensed against my pillow but did not look at him. I did everything not to turn and have a look. His cologne drifted into the room along with him.

He stopped a few feet from the bed. I heard him sigh.

"So, you're not going to say anything." It was more of a statement than a question.

I wanted to argue with him, I wanted to kick, yell and scream and tell him how bad I've felt these past three months but not only did I have to keep my blood pressure in check I had to be reasonable here. How many parents are going to react well to their eighteen year old having a kid?

"Hi, Daddy." I said.

"She speaks!" He said with a small smile.

"She does." I replied.

After that neither of us knew what to say.

"Look, these past few months have not been my finest but I'm sorry. I know that's not enough but Cami I'm here now."

He meant it.

"I'm sorry too. But I never thought that you of all people would shut me out like that. I mean come on Dad. We're all each other has. Why couldn't we had just talked?" I asked

"Cam, it was a mistake. It's just you are the only person I never have to worry about. You always had your head on your shoulders and your feet planted firmly on the ground."He yelled. "You always said that you were going to prove your mom wrong! And look what happened."

I'm not going to lie his words stung. But he was right. I was the one he could depend on. I was the one everyone could depend on. I was supposed to be the strong one yet I'm letting weakness take over.

"I know that you're disappointed. I get it. And Daddy I swear I was careful. Not careful enough but I tried. But please don't put mom in this. She was not right. She said fame would tear us apart. Not a baby. Dad, please I don't want to fight you. I want my kid to know he has at least one grandparent he can count on."

"I never said the kid couldn't count on me, Camille."

"Than what are you saying Dad? I am way too tired to figure out all this. I can't redo this. Even you say things happen for a reason. So what's the reason for this?"

"To make us stronger. We can get through this and come out better than before. I'm here now and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to show you that. I am here Camille and I'm not planning on being anywhere else."

Tears blurred my eyes and a smile reached my lips.

"Good." I managed to say, "I'm not planning on going anywhere either."

We hugged and just like that it was fixed. Okay not fixed but it's like we taped it up a bit and super glued the cracks.

For now were good. That's all I wanted for now.

* * *

**LOGAN**

Last day of being in this hospital. Okay I'll be here in another three months true but at least it'll be for a good reason. Something actually expected.

"I can't wait to finally hear the baby names!" Carlos squealed.

"I know right? This is pretty exciting."Kendall agreed.

"Oh my God!" James yelled.

Everyone in the waiting room shot dirty looks at the group.

"James, quiet already almost got kicked out because of little Miss Obsessive over there." Carlos said pointing to Jo.

"Carlos." Kendall said warningly.

"Sorry."

Jo was currently asleep in a chair next to Kendall. Because of her little freak out with the nurse she wasn't allowed to see Camille yet. Plus, she won't leave the hospital for more than thirty minutes because of the fear of not being there if Cam really needed her.

"Now what were you saying James?" Kendall asked.

"This is all real. I mean this is honestly going on." James said

"Wow. Um, okay then. Explain." Carlos said

"I mean come on. How many of us thought that Logan really had it in him to get a girl pregnant? I mean yeah in the future, mid-twenties or so, but now? I mean seriously."

We all looked at him like he was the stupidest person ever.

"So you're telling me that this is all finally hitting home for you? And it's been almost four months since you found out?" I asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. Who'd have thought you would be the first to get some?" James chuckled.

"I wasn't the first one."

"Wait, what?" James said looking at the three of us.

"I was the third James." I stated.

"Then who was first?" he asked looking at Kendall.

"Not me, dude."

I was really getting a kick out of this. It was funny seeing him freak like this.

"Wait, if you were third Logan, and Kendall said he wasn't first than that means..."

Suddenly, a light bulb practically lit up.

"Carlos? Really? I'm the only semi-virgin?"

"Semi?" We all asked.

"Well, this is the conversation of the century." Jo said getting up.

"How long have you been awake?" Kendall asked.

"Never went to sleep. I was just laying there." She answered.

"I still don't get it. What's a semi-virgin?" Carlos asked.

"James, oral is still sex."Jo answered.

It was awkward for a few moments as Jo looked around for the nurse.

"Are you guys done trying to figure out who got in?" Jo asked.

We all nodded.

"Good, follow me."

With no questions asked we all got up and followed Jo as she passed the nurses station and down the hall.

"Logan, what's Cam's room number?"

"Um, 408."

"Okay, then..406, 407, and lucky number 408!" She said knocking on Camille's already open door.

Camille, looked up and immediately smiled.

"Come on in, strangers." She said.

We all came in and Jo was immediately on Cam's bed.

"So tell me the names!"

"Hi to you too Jo."Camille said sarcastically.

"Hi baby." she said gently patting Camille's stomach.

"Still think your girlfriend doesn't have a problem?" Carlos asked Kendall.

"He does have a point." I agreed.

"I can hear you." Jo hissed.

"How are you Mama Bear?" Jo asked.

"Good, now that all of you guys are here." She smiled.

I walked over and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"You wanna tell them the names now?" I asked her.

"We might as well, or Jo just might go crazy." She said.

"A little too late for that." Kendall answered.

"I'm going to remember that Kendall Knight." Jo answered.

"Okay, okay. Do you wanna hear the names or not?" I asked.

They all shut up and Camille finally spoke.

"Since we have a few more days until we find out what we're having we picked two final names. One for the actual baby and the other as sort of a backup."

"For a girl, it'll be Josephine Zariah Marie Mitchell. Jojo for short." I said smiling.

"For a boy, it'll be Logan Joseph Mason Mitchell. Joey for short." Camille said.

We both looked at everyone to hear their opinions.

"Well?"

They all looked at each other and smiled.

"Perfect."

"Nice."

"Great."

"The prettiest names ever! Not too late if you wanna add a Taylor somewhere in there." Jo said smiling.

"We're good." Camille said. "Really good."

And with that she kissed me on the lips and smiled.

"Completely good." I said

* * *

**Thanks for reading this chapter. I'll see if I can post sometime next week.**


	12. Stalling and Frustrations

**Here it is. Chapter 12!**

* * *

**LOGAN**

"DOGS!" We heard Gustavo scream as he walked into our apartment followed by Kelly.

"Hi to you too Gustavo." Carlos greeted.

"To what do we owe this wonderful visit , Gustavo?" Kendall asked sarcastically.

"Since all of you have been playing house most of the summer it's time to get back to business!" He yelled.

"Sorry guys, but since all of this drama with Logan, BTR is getting even more press than ever. Griffin wants a new album done in two months. And we need to start thinking about tour." Kelly added.

"Whoa, TOUR? The baby is due in like four months!" I said getting off the couch.

"We**_ are _**going to be there for the birth right?" James asked.

Kelly and Gustavo both looked at each other and shrugged.

"We don't know." They said in unison

"What?" All of us yelled back.

"Cam is going to kill me if I'm not there for the birth. She's never going to mar-" I trailed off just in time.

I forgot that Camille and I decided to wait awhile before telling anyone that we were going to get married. Not like it's going to happen not that I'm going to miss one of the most important days of our lives.

"Ok, can't we just put this off somehow? I mean we just released an album five months ago." Kendall said trying to reason.

"I'm sorry dogs but what Griffin wants Griffin gets. Look, maybe your girlfriends can come with you." Gustavo offered.

"With a baby?"

"Okay, maybe that wasn't the best idea." Gustavo realized.

"You think?" Kelly answered," Look guys there's nothing we can do."

"Can't we just go talk to him?" I asked

"Um, no can do. He's currently in the Bahamas on business. And by business I mean a luxury vacation until a week from today." Gustavo said bitterly.

"So this means you either have a week to figure out a plan to get some time of or you find a way to tell Camille that you're leaving." Kelly stated.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." I sighed.

And with that Gustavo and Kelly left.

"Guys, you do not what this means, right?" Kendall asked.

The three of us shrugged.

"Right now, Logan you have to stall. And by stall I mean go out with Camille today. Go out on a date. DO SOMETHING." He urged.

"What are you three going to be doing?" I asked

"We," He pointed to himself, James and Carlos, "are going to think of a plan. There has to be a way of stopping this album. Fame can wait. Family can't."

"Wow, I think that's the best speech we've ever heard from you." Carlos said smiling.

"I know right! Score one for Kendall!" James agreed.

"Yeah, Kendall. Seriously, thanks man." I added.

"No problem. Now get out."

* * *

**CAMILLE**

"Now do you think you have to maternity wear shopping?" Jo said as she tried to help into a pair of sweat pants. Logan's sweatpants to be exact.

"Come on Jo, I think we really have this!"

"Camille... we've been trying to get it past your thigh for an hour. I don't think we can get this anymore than we already have." She said annoyed.

I looked at her and then I looked at my legs stuck in the plants. Here comes the waterworks.

"I'm f-fat!" I said sobbing in the middle of the room.

"Cam, you're not _**fat**_ you're just bigger in places that you weren't big before."

"Really, Jo that was supposed to make me feel better?" I said tears rolling down my cheeks.

"What? I'm not good at this. Plus with all that organic food and stuff I've been feeding you I didn't think you would gain this much. Well, at least you can look on the bright side!"

"What bright side? Please, Jo enlighten me on this supposed bright side." I said sarcastically.

"Well, your boobs are huge and you didn't even have to get surgery!" She said like it was the best thing on the world

"You do Know the only thing keeping me from jumping you is the fact that I'm too huge to actually jump let alone move, right?"

"Yeah, I know. So I might as well get all this stuff out while I can." she said smiling.

"Cam? Jo?" I heard Logan yell.

"Great, now someone else can comment on my fatness." I mumbled.

"In here, Logan." Jo yelled back.

I only heard one set of footsteps walking towards my room so I guessed that he was alone. As he stood in the door his eyes moved from Jo to me to the pants.

"Um, whatcha doin'?" He asked cautiously.

And of course I burst out into tears.

"Aww, come on Cami." Jo said wrapping her arms around me.

"Cam, I didn't mean it. I was just wondering why you didn't have your sweatpants on."

Suddenly a light bulb lit up in my head. The tears halted and I looked up at Logan in the doorway.

"This is all your fault! I'm fat because of you! I can't fit into anything because of you! If you could just keep it in than I wouldn't be fat."

"Oh come on Cam. It takes two to tango remember?" Logan said stupidly.

"Well, if she wasn't going to kill you before she'll definitely kill you now." Jo snickered.

"Okay, Camille, if you can't fit into your sweatpants I left a few pairs in your drawer just wear one of mine."

"These. _**Are**_. Yours."

"Oh."

"Tell me about it." Jo commented.

"Well, don't you think it's time to buy, um, you know, maternity clothes?"

"Shut up!" I yelled at him as I tried to get myself out of those stupid sweatpants.

I finally managed to get out of them with Jo and Logan's help. I was beyond frustrated now. I pushed passed Logan and walked out of my apartment. Yes, I walked out in just a t-shirt and some panties. I walked down to the boys' apartment and luckily the door was open. I think that's as lucky as I was going to get today.

"Cami!" I heard Logan yell behind me.

I ignored him and walked into the apartment. The rest of BTR was huddled in front of the kitchen table looking at some sort of blueprint. James was the first to notice me.

"Whoa, Camille." He said rushing to hide the blueprints.

"Hey Cam, what are you doing here?" Carlos asked.

I walked to Logan's room and looked through his closet for the baggiest pair of sweatpants he had. I was wearing a white v neck so any color would be fine.

"Uh, Cam what are you doing?" I heard Logan say coming up behind me. Everyone else was also coming into the room.

"You, leave me alone. You're the reason why I'm fat!" I said crying.

"Cami, you're overreacting." Jo said trying to reason with me.

"Camille you are not fat." Kendall said.

I finally found the sweatpants and I put them on.

"Camille, see your not fat. Your sweatpants fit you perfectly." Carlos said encouragingly.

"These _**are**_ Logan's!" I said bitterly.

"Camille, you are beautiful." Logan said.

I stopped and looked at him for a second and for that second I really believed him. Until James decided to open his mouth.

"Yeah, Cam, you're not fat you're just pregnant. Which is supposed to make you bigger in the first place. So your face and your stomach and every where else should go back to normal in time. Unless you don't exercise than that's how you know you're screwed."

That earned him a head slap from Carlos and Logan. Kendall shot him a dirty look.

"Like I said at least your boobs look good." Jo added.

"I went from a size three to a size nine. So all of you can shove it. I'm fat and upset and I look like a fucking hippo!" I said bawling.

"I wouldn't say a hippo." James said.

"James!" I yelled.

"I'm not helping much, am I?"

"You weren't helping in the first place." Logan said frustrated.

"Camille, look. You gained some weight, so what? You know you not only look beautiful but sexy too and I love you no matter what your size.I'm not just saying that because of your boobs either. Plus, knowing you, you'll probably lose that weight in no time. I love you. Isn't that enough?" He said

Now the waterworks were coming down even more.

"Now why are you crying?" Kendall asked concerned.

"B-because, he's t-too sw-sweet!" I said jumping into Logan's arms.

"Pregnant women are a handful." James commented.

"Tell me about it." Jo, Carlos, and Kendall agreed.

"Camille? I can't breathe." Logan mumbled.

"Oh sorry."

"It's all good."

"So, what do we do now?" James asked.

We all looked around and shrugged.

"Don't know about you guys but Logan and I are going shopping." I said grabbing Logan's hand.

"Wait, what? Why me? Can't Jo go?"

"She could, but I want to spend sometime alone with you." I smiled.

"Alright. Whatever makes you happy." He said in agreement.

"Don't you worry this definitely will."

* * *

**Okay so this was more of a filler. Thanks for reading! Please review.**


	13. Empty Your Pockets

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush (both group and show) therefore I should not be sued. I do own the plot though, so I guess that's better than nothing.  
**

* * *

**Camille**

Whoever thought of Forever 21's maternity line is a GENIUS! I mean seriously these clothes are actually really cute and comfortable. When we first got here I didn't know what to expect. The saleslady was genuinely nice to me and really helped. She brought me clothes that were actually my style and made me feel totally comfortable. Logan barely had to do anything but watch, give his opinion and occasionally make conversation.

The saleslady whose name I found out was Anna left us alone except to ask if we needed anything. So we barely saw her when we were in the changing area. Of course I had to fight Logan to actually get him in the dressing room.

"Explain to me your problem with being in the dressing room with me?"I asked him as I closed the door to the huge dressing room I was in.

"What if someone sees me? Or what if I see someone?" He asked watching me undress.

"And by someone you mean a woman?"

He blushed and nodded quickly.

"Logan, you've already seen me naked a bunch of times. I really don't care much about it right now. But seriously no one is in this section of the store anyway. We're the only ones in maternity wear besides Anna."I explained.

"I know, I know but it still feels weird." He stated.

"Whatever."I said trying on some shirts.

"They actually have some really nice clothes here." he said as I tried on the jeans.

Miraculously the clothes actually fit.

"So, do you wanna go to lunch after this?" I asked him.

"Um, sure. What are you in the mood for?"

"Sweet Tomato."

"That vegetarian place?"

"Yeah, since I've been sneaking all that junk food around I want to eat something healthy for once."

"Okay, fine with me." He said agreeing.

"Cool."

"Hey Camille everything going good in there?" I heard Anna call.

"Yeah, thanks again for your help!" I yelled back.

"No problem!"She left and then it was back to me and Logan.

By then I had finished trying on all the clothes and I knew I wanted all of them. I looked through my purse and made sure I had my card.

"Okay, I'm done." I said to Logan.

"So which one's do you want?" he asked.

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything." I said standing there.

I looked at myself in the mirror. And I smiled. I was standing there in my underwear and I could see my stomach perfectly. I put my hand on my stomach and just stared at myself.

"Having fun over there?" Logan chuckled.

"You bet." I giggled.

He joined me in front of the mirror and wrapped his arms around me and the baby.

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look?" He whispered seductively in my ear.

"Hmm," I said pretending to think about it, "Maybe once or twice every now and then."

"Mhhmm, you should hear it all the time." he said kissing my shoulder.

He made his way to my neck and slowly found his way to my lips. It was supposed to be a quick kiss but I deepened it. We were in a full blown make out session and the room was getting pretty heated. That is until I felt some pressure in my side.

"Oh!" I hissed breaking off from the kiss.

"Whoa, Cam, you okay? Do you need an ambulance a doctor? Oh my God you're not in labor are you?" He said panicking.

"Chill Logan. I'm good. I'm pretty sure it was nothing."

Too bad it didn't feel like nothing. I couldn't help but feel a bit worried but I had to mask it the best I could. It wouldn't do much if Logan was worried too.

"Are you sure Camille?" He asked not believing me.

"Yeah, I'm-"

Then the pressure came again but this time I knew what it was. I must've looked freaked because Logan took out his phone and started to dial 911. Before he could get to the final one I grabbed the phone and threw it to the other side of the room.

"What are you-"

"Logan, shh."

And then it came again but this time I was ready for it. I smiled as I felt him or her move inside me.

"Camille, your fiance is over here panicking if you just tell me what's going on..."

"The baby... it- it kicked. Three times." I smiled.

"W-what?" He asked in disbelief.

"Give me your hand." He did and I pressed it gently against my stomach and right then I felt a slight kick only this time Logan felt it too.

"Whoa." He whispered before he kissed my stomach.

"I know right?" I smiled.

Anna came knocking.

"Camille, are you okay? I haven't heard you in a while."

Tears had already been falling down my cheeks and my voice was hoarse but I still answered.

"Yeah, I'm good. We'll be out in a second."

"Alright."

Logan stared at me for a long time.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. I mean at first but I guess it's because it surprised me more than anything. It feels weird but good."

"It's real. The baby is real."

"The baby is real Logan."

* * *

We wasted no time getting back to the Palm Woods. On our way, I had managed to set up a doctor's appointment so we can finally learn the sex of our baby. I've never seen Logan this excited yet he was the one speeding down the highway and dragging me to his apartment just so we could get our friends. He even called my dad and told him to meet us at the doctor's office.

When we got to the apartment, we must've looked insane because Jo and the guys' took one look at us and immediately asked us what was wrong.

"Nothing. You should be asking us what's right!" Logan said out of breath.

"Um okay. It's obvious Logan is on something. So Cami what's going on?" James said.

It was good timing because once again I could feel the baby. I walked or should I say waddled over to them and took Jo's hand. She looked at me weirdly but after a moment she felt it too.

"Oh my God. Guys, you have to feel this." She said motioning the guys over.

James, Kendall, and Carlos still didn't understand so one by one I let them touch my stomach and one after the other they felt it.

"Whoa." They all said.

"Right?" I asked giggling.

"Let's go guys. We have twenty minutes to make it on time for the appointment." Logan said trying to rush us out of the apartment.

"Where are we going?" Kendall asked.

"We're going for to find out what we're having." I explained.

"Duh, you're having a baby!" James said stating the obvious.

We all looked at him and shook our heads.

"We're just going to pretend we didn't hear him." Jo said grabbing her keys.

We all nodded and left. Kendall stopped to get his mom and Katie and the rest of us went to the parking lot. Logan and I went in his car, James, Carlos and Kendall and Jo went in Jo's car. And Katie and Mama Knight went in their van.

While we were driving Logan reached out and squeezed my hand.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Logan."

"What did you think it is?"

"A boy."

"Nah, I'm sure it's a girl. With all the fuss Jo has made with this baby I'm pretty sure it's a girl. Plus, there's a lot of money on it being a girl." He stated as we pulled into the parking lot of the clinic.

"Wait, you guys' are betting on my baby?" I said in disbelief.

Logan opened my door and helped me out as he chuckled.

"Really? You didn't think we'd bet on this?"

"Please, tell me you didn't bet along with them?" I said pleading.

"Um, no. No" He said walking hand in hand with me.

I knew he was lying but I didn't want to argue. Not now. Not here.

We were perfectly on time and even though we brought our family with us we were the only two allowed in the room when it came to finding out the sex. As the doctor squeezed the gel on my stomach I couldn't help but get teary eyed. I mean I was going to find out the sex of my baby for god's sake so I had an excuse for the waterworks this time.

"Okay, so are you two sure you wanna hear the sex of the baby?" The doctor asked.

Logan looked to me and I nodded.

"Yeah, we're sure."

"Okay then. Well, Ms. Roberts, Mr. Mitchell congratulations you two are having a beautiful baby..."

* * *

From the start as long as my kid was healthy than I really didn't give a damn about what the sex was. But I'm pretty happy about how it turned out. Same with Logan. As we walk out into the waiting area hand in hand everyone jumps up expectantly.

"Would you like to do the honors?" Logan asked.

"Of course." I said rubbing my belly "James, Carlos, Jo, Logan and Katie you guys might wanna empty your pockets because Kendall wins the bet. We'll be welcoming are baby boy around Thanksgiving!"

* * *

**I'm pretty sad to say that the next chapter will literally be the most important chapter or at least one of the most important chapters for the story. It is sad and I'll post it sometime later this week or early next week.**

**Please review and tell me your opinion about this chapter. **

**P.S. Did anyone experience the log in glitch for the website? I couldn't review or log in for days!  
**


	14. Emergency

**Here it is... The chapter will either make or break my story. I hope you enjoy and please don't curse me out too much. After all I'm only a fourteen year old girl trying to live out her dreams through writing.**

**Oh and due to the fact that people keep reporting my story I've now changed the rating to M. Don't worry nothing is too graphic. I'm not too good at detail.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the plot.  
**

* * *

**Camille**

For all those liars on tv who say pregnancy is a beautiful thing I want all of them to be in my position right now. I mean I feel like shit and it's like what 5 in the fucking morning? Worst part is that I'm too tired to move and it doesn't help that Jo is sound asleep next to me with her hand resting gently on my stomach.

Yes, it's a little creepy but honestly I don't mind it. I mean I'm used to her falling asleep in my bed and not getting up until the next morning. What I wasn't used to was her deciding that every night that Logan wasn't sleeping over in our apartment or vice versa that she would come sleeping in my bed each time.

She doesn't want anything to happen without her there. Her words not mine. Right now I felt really uncomfortable and I wasn't sure if it was the way we had been sleeping or what but my lower back wasn't doing too good either.

For the moment I couldn't feel LJ move and for once I was glad. The kid moved a lot and seemed to enjoy hearing music which if you think about it is kind of nice but after a while it hurts a bit when he gets really excited. I've got BTR's biggest fan in my stomach.

Jo says he's a fighter like me. And I hate to say it but I agree.

As I lie here I can't help but feel a little weird. My nausea isn't to the point where I have to race to the bathroom. Not like I could run anyway but I felt too uncomfortable to sit still. I tried to get up without waking Jo but of course that's impossible and the second I moved she got up.

"Whoa, what's going on?" She said grabbing the video camera.

Oh yeah, for the first time in the last three weeks I almost forgot about the camera._Almost_. The camera that I've been seeing everywhere I go. Apparently she has to capture all these beautiful moments. Logan and the others know better than to shove a camera in my face unless they have a death wish.

"Jo, go back to bed." I said finally managing to get up. Of course with Jo's help.

"Cam, are you okay?" She asked worriedly.

"Shut up, I'm fine."

I stood up and almost fell back down. These kicks really catch me off guard.

"Okay, Cam you do not look fine. Do you need me to call 911?"

"Hell no. I'm good. Honest. It just takes awhile to get used to being this huge."

She didn't look convinced. She grabbed my phone that was under my pillow and she started dialling a number. And to be nice she even put it on speaker. After just one ring the person picked up.

"What's wrong?" Logan immediately asked.

"Logan, it's Jo. Cam is sick."

"Whoa, Cami is sick?" James asked in the background.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are." Jo argued.

"Jo, put Camille on the phone please." Logan asked.

"Go ahead and talk you're on speaker."

"Camille? What's going on?"he asked me

"Seriously, nothing is wrong."

And of course right there and then I felt a cramp. It took me by surprise and I gasped. Jo grabbed the phone off the bed.

"Logan, get over here NOW." She said before hanging up.

"Jo, you're overreacting. Sometimes I get like this and it ends up being gas or something."

"What if this time that something turns into something really bad for the baby? I don't feel right leaving you alone today. Maybe I should cancel my meetings today."

"No. Seriously, I don't need a babysitter!"

"Cam, I'm worried. I have a bad feeling."

"Jo, I'm fine."

Before she could answer the boys came into the house. Without knocking of course. And came into my again without knocking. I was getting beyond annoyed at this point because I couldn't understand why they were overreacting.

"Cam, are you okay?" Logan said rushing up to me and placing a hand on my stomach.

"I'm fine." I said a little harsher than I meant to.

"Cam, if something is wrong you can tell us." Kendall offered.

I looked around the room at all my friends and couldn't help but feel bad about how mean I was being.

"Guys, I'm good. I just want some alone time. You guys need to go do BTR business and Jo you have to figure out your schedule for next year. I promise you guys that nothing is up and I just want a nice stress free day. Okay?"

They looked at each other and nodded. Even though it was only 6:30 the boys were already dressed and ready to start their day. I suddenly felt self conscious as I looked down at my loose t shirt and boy shorts that I wore to bed. Logan immediately took notice and grabbed my hand.

"Hey can you all give Cam and I a second?" He asked.

"Sure." Kendall answered and one by one they exited the of course James couldn't leave the room without adding one little comment.

"So, are you guys talking or_** fuck-**_"

"James!" Kendall yelled pulling him away.

"Is it me or has he gotten more perverted over the years?" I asked.

"No I'm pretty sure he's gotten more perverted." I said.

"Hmm that's what I thought."

I got back into bed and Logan followed.

"Camille, tell me what's wrong." He pleaded.

"I did. I said to be alone. Yes, I feel uncomfortable but it's most likely gas. Plus I did sleep a little weird since Jo's arm was around me most of the night."

"Haha if I didn't know any better I would say you were cheating on me with her."

"Ha. Nah she's not my type. Plus, I prefer brunettes." I said kissing him on the mouth.

"What a coincidence. I _**adore**_ brunettes especially one's with eyes like yours." He said deepening the kiss.

Sadly, I had to break the kiss. He looked at me strangely.

"You have to go to work."

"Oh yeah." He said disappointed.

"But... there is always later...tonight...you...and...me..alone." I said seductively. Well, I**_ tried_** to say it seductively.

He immediately brightened up at the thought.

"Well then... I guess I should get to work. I'll call and check on you okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye. I love you Logan."

"I love you too Camille."

And then he left. The rest of the guys popped their heads in one by one to say good bye and apparently each of them will be calling to check up on me as well. An hour later Jo was ready to go to a couple of appointments and soon left.

* * *

**LOGAN**

The second we all got to Rocque Records we were immediately pulled into Gustavo's office by Kelly. When got to his office we found Gustavo in a corner pouting while Griffin sat in his desk with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"So I hear that you guys want more time off?" He says.

"Uh, sir it's more like we_** need**_ more time." Kendall answered back.

"I see. And why is that?"

"Well, sir, I'm having a baby."

He burst out laughing. Like literally he was on the floor. Tears were coming out of his eyes.

"What's so funny?" James asked.

"You," he said pointing to me, "are having a baby? In what world?"

"I don't get it.."

"You were the last BTR member I ever thought would have a kid so young! I didn't even think you had the sex talk yet. And who's the kid's mom? That psycho chick you've been with for like a year?"

That really pissed me off. I understand that it's unexpected but still have some class and save the jokes for someone who cares. He's lucky Camille wasn't here or else she would've ripped his throat out with her bare hands.

"I've been with her for 2 and a half years and yes she's the baby's mother. Plus I had the sex talk when I was like ten."

"But still I didn't know you had it in you." Griffin said still laughing.

"I know right?" Gustavo said in his little corner.

"Griffin, haven't you seen the news? Logan and Camille have been all over every gossip site." Kelly asked annoyed.

"I have people to do that for me." He answered.

"Look, do we get our time off or not?" Kendall said breaking into the conversation.

"Yeah, BTR needs a break. The longer we let fans wait the more albums we sell, Gustavo get to writing. You have the next six months to make the next BTR album the best yet. Boys you can have your vacation just know that year 2012 will be hell for you!" And with that he took one more look at me and laughed.

"Thanks sir." I said bitterly.

"No problem,**_ dad_**." he said walking out of the office.

"Hmm, he's not a nice person is he?" Carlos asked.

"Well, he did give you guys the rest of the year off..." Kelly offered.

"This is as nice as it'll get for you." Gustavo said getting out of the corner.

"True." I agreed.

"And we'll be here for the birth and the baby's first Christmas! I can't wait to get your kid his first helmet!" Carlos squealed in delight.

"I know! I can't wait to get the baby it's first comb." James said staring dreamily into absolutely nothing.

"Well, at least we didn't have to come up with some stupid plan." Kendall said.

"True that. Let's go home."

* * *

This morning I was so sure it was gas but now I'm not so sure. I finally took a shower around noon and spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch watching t.v. I started to get stomach cramps around one. When Jo called, I told her I still had gas and for her to get me something to help me with it but it's now two thirty and the cramps have become more intense.

"LJ, do mommy a favor and find a comfy spot because you are really killing me here with all this moving." I said to the baby.

In reply I got the worst cramp ever and I had to go into fetal position for several minutes before it stopped. Something was seriously wrong. I was scared. Really scared. I waited a while just to make sure no more cramps were coming and I got off the couch and headed to the bathroom.

Once I closed the bathroom door I pulled my pants down to pee. For a second I was in shock. I was bleeding really badly. It had actual seeped through my pants. I felt dizzy and I had to grip the edge of the sink to steady myself. I pulled my pants up and crawled to the living room. Halfway to the couch the pain came back and I was brought to tears.

This couldn't be happening. Not to my baby. I had to reach the phone. 911 was my top priority. The room was spinning and I could hear someone at the door.

"Help me!" I tried to scream but because of the pain it came out barely a whisper.

I was on my hands in knees in front of the counter. I was sobbing and the pain was getting worse. The front door opened.

"Camille!" Logan yelled running to me.

I couldn't breathe and the pain was suffocating me.

"T-th-the baby. Logan. The baby." James said.

"I'll call 911." I heard Carlos say.

"I'm bleeding." I managed to choke out in between sobs but they didn't seem to hear.

"Cami it's going to be okay. I promise just breathe."

I shook my head and sobbed harder. Logan and Kendall were on either side of me and helped me up. I took two steps before I collapsed to the floor.

"Kendall we have to carry her to the car." Logan said.

"Alright."

I felt myself being lifted and Logan's face came into view.

"You're going to be okay. I promise you that Camille."

"The baby." I said still crying. The pain was getting worse if possible.

"Logan, she's...she's bleeding." I heard Kendall say.

"Oh my God." Logan gasped.

That was the last thing I heard before I passed out.

* * *

**Major cliffy! I've always wanted to do one of those. Anyway this was supposed to happen a few chapters back but I got so into the story it didn't feel story is long from over and I hope you guys aren't too pissed at me for this. **

**Please review and tell me what you think. You guys are free to curse the hell out of me too. And the more reviews the quicker we see what happens.  
**


	15. Guilt and Complications

**Okay so here is the chapter hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**LOGAN**

I have to say that I've had my fair share of bad situations several times in my life but this one had to be the worst. Sitting in this stupid hospital waiting room not knowing anything for sure was giving me anxiety. Everyone was here and yet I still felt alone. Camille was who I wanted and needed to see. I looked around the waiting room and saw that everyone was looking back at me. Waiting to see what I'm gonna do next when I had no idea.

Gustavo and Kelly were speechless. For once Kelly wasn't texting or confirming appointments even though her phone had been vibrating for the first two hours that we were here. Katie and Mama Knight were huddled next to me along with Jo who was crying and Kendall, James, and Carlos who were just as lost as me.

Five fucking hours since bringing her here and yet no one could tell me what was going on with my baby and my fiancee.

"Logan, go to sleep. You must be exhausted." Mama Knight suggested.

I shook my head no in reply. It was only seven o'clock and plus every time I shut my eyes I see Camille in pain around all that blood.

"Logie, it might be a good idea. It's been a long day for you." Jo added.

"I said no." It was only 7 PM way too early to go to sleep anyway.

"Logan." Camille's dad said walking closer to me. He looked like a mess but then again I knew I looked worse.

I didn't answer him but I looked up to show him that he had some of my attention.

"Son, it's not your fault. It's no one's fault. None of you could've predicted something like this could've happened."

"Actually, it is my fault. Last time I checked Camille didn't get pregnant by herself and even though I had the feeling something was wrong this morning I still left her alone. Thus, it was my fault."

"Logan, I hate to say this but everything happens for a reason. We all love that baby boy and my daughter and we just have to leave the rest in God's hands."

"And if he doesn't listen to us?" Carlos asked.

"Then we follow whatever plan he has for us." Camille's dad answered.

"Family of Camille Roberts?" A man, who we guessed was the doctor called out.

"Here!" I said practically jumping the man "Is Camille okay? What about the baby?"

He hesitated for a second and I suddenly knew, one of them was far from okay.

"Are you all the family?" The doctor said looking around.

"Yes, now can we hear what's going on?" I said impatiently.

"This isn't easy for me to say but Ms. Roberts had a miscarriage. There was nothing we could do to prevent this. It wasn't foreseen and my records show that she had an appointment a few weeks ago and everything was fine. It could've been too much stress."

A silent tear slid down my face as I shook my head. I didn't know how much longer my legs could hold me. I felt the guys' hands on my back and Jo and Katie each holding one of my hands but I still felt nothing.

"Cam...Where's Cam?" I managed to say.

"Due to so much blood loss we had to take her into immediate surgery. It was tough and she is heavily sedated in the ICU. You may all go see her." The doctor explained.

"Does she know?" Katie asked.

"No. She has been unconscious since she was brought here so she has no idea. If you think it's best that we tell her we can do so or you can do so yourselves."

"The baby...is gone. Camille doesn't know." I finally said the words out loud.

"Many complications occur in teen pregnancy and a miscarriage, in this case it would be called a stillbirth is one of them." The way the doctor droned on was so monotonous. No sympathy whatsoever in his words.

"So what happens now? Is it some sort of condition she has or can she not have another baby? You're not really giving us much to go on here." Katie said obviously pissed.

"It's no condition and yes, she is perfectly fertile. In my opinion it's just stress."

"So, it is my fault." I said really realising it.

"Logan, it's not your-" Kendall started to say.

"I don't want to hear it." I said cutting him off before he could finish.

By now I really couldn't take it anymore. The tears were already falling and I didn't know how much longer I could stand without being with Camille.

"I want to see Camille. _Now_."

"That can be arranged. If you and your family could follow me I could take you all into the ICU. Although you all should bear in my mind your friend has gone through some major surgery and is on some heavy medication. She might need to be on some medication for awhile." The doctor explained.

"Why? I thought there wasn't any condition." James asked.

"There's not. But I highly doubt Camille can handle post traumatic stress without it. Even though she's a fighter, I prescribe some anti-depressants along with some pain medication."

* * *

**JO**

When we got to the ICU we all had to be suited up before we were allowed to enter the room. The scrubs were uncomfortable but necessary. Cami had her own room and one of those huge hospital windows like you see in Grey's Anatomy and ER where you can see the patient in there bed or doing whatever in the room and the patient could see their doctor or friends through the glass too.

I guess you could say we all saw Camille at the same time. It's like it wasn't even her at all. Her curls were looked so out of place on top of her head in a messy ponytail with her face so pale it blended in with the sheets. Her round stomach was gone and left was a bump that you could only see if you were truly looking for it.

Logan didn't look good at all. I tried several times to reach for him but I knew it wouldn't do anything because I was not Camille. None of us were. As he stared through the window more tears kept falling. Not only from Logan but for all of us. We were really at odds here. The person who we not only loved deeply but depended on just lost her child and she doesn't know.

As many times as I think Camille can go through any situation and come out even stronger I have no idea what happens next. This was like a really bad movie that wouldn't end. Camille is headstrong, independent but how is she going to get through this when she thinks she can handle everything on her own?

* * *

**LOGAN**

I was the first to go in. No one came in with me and I was grateful. I didn't want anyone to tell Camille but me. The one who got her into this mess in the first place. I took her hand as I got close to her right next to the bed. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and sat down on the chair next to the bed. And there I let it all out.

Maybe it was seeing her from a more close up view but I could now clearly see what I have done to her. Her cheeks were gaunt and colorless. She literally blended in with the sheets. The baby bump was gone and in place of it was a little lump. Her hair was piled on top of her hair and wires and machines surrounded her head.

"I am sorry." I whispered as I sobbed into her arm.

I wanted and needed her to know that this was my fault and that everything was going to be different now. I mess everything up.

I had no idea how Camille was going to handle this and I didn't know how to make it easier. I knew absolutely nothing.

I kept crying until I heard the door squeak and footsteps. I felt hands on my shoulders and head attempting to comfort me. We all weren't supposed to be here in the room but I didn't care. I needed them just like how Camille is going to need all of us.

The room was silent and soon we all just stood there. No hands were covering my head anymore. I was about to speak when for a second Cam's heart monitor began beeping faster. We turned to looked at Camille.

Her eyes were slightly opened and from what I could see held some uncertainty and confusion.

"Logan? What's going on?" she asked.

* * *

**Okay not my best but it was a needed chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you guys realise that throughout my story I tried to make Camille seem really independent and I hope that came through because she's not going to handle the loss of her kid well at all. **

**So how many of you readers did I lose by killing off their child? Have a complaint or just a comment about this? Then review! BTW should I stick to just doing Logan's and Camille's POV or should I do some of the others?**


	16. Weakness

**Camille**

"Logan? What's going on?" I asked.

I was tired. Scratch that exhausted but I literally felt like something was wrong. I could hear the beeping of machines and I could hear people. A lot of people and most importantly, I could hear Logan.

When I opened my eyes everything was a bit blurry and I was struggling to focus on one thing. It was getting too hard and realised how sedated I probably was at the moment.

"Cam?"

"Right...here" I said struggling to find the words.

"Isn't she supposed to be on some heavy drug thing?" I heard James speak.

I ignored him and attempted to grab Logan's hand while the other went to my stomach. I heard a few gasps and then the room was completely silent.

"Logan?" I said again

"Yes, Cami?" He said. He had been crying. That was easy to tell from his voice.

"What..." Before I could ask my question I felt the sleep come over me again and I had no choice but to fall back asleep

* * *

**Logan**

"Cam? Camille?" I asked frantically.

"I guess the sleep came again." Carlos answered.

"Yeah, I guess so." I replied.

Her hand went limp in mine and I gently put it down.

"Where do we go from here?" I heard Katie asked.

No one knew that much was obvious but one of us had to answer.

"We go back to the way we were. Except it'll be harder to get back to the usual." I answered.

"And if we can't? What do we do if Camille can't take it?" Jo asked as Mama Knight rubbed circles on her back.

"We keep going. And going. And going. Because that's what you have to do when things get hard." Kendall answered.

And he was right. But so was Jo. We've all seen the strong, superwoman Camille but what happens when she breaks?

* * *

Camille

When I woke up everything was a blur. I knew where I was but for some reason my mind couldn't wrap around a sensible idea why I was there. At first I thought I was alone but it wasn't until I noticed there were five other people surrounding me that I realised I wasn't.

"She's up." I heard Jo whisper.

"But for how long?" James asked.

"The doctor said he took her off the sedative since her scars seem to be healing fine and no sign of infection." I heard Logan speak.

I kept trying to think why I was here and it finally clicked.

"Oh my God." I gasped.

I frantically searched my wrists for any signs of scars or dried blood or any indication that I had tried to maybe kill myself but there was nothing.

"Cam? Whatcha looking for?" Logan asked concerned.

"Why am I? Did I?" I couldn't get out any real questions because I really didn't want to answer.

I sat up and immediately felt a pain in my stomach. It was so fierce I felt like I had actually torn something.

"Cam, slow down. Breathe." Logan said trying to calm me down.

It was slowly working and I felt my breathing go back to normal.

"Camille, do you know why you're here?" I heard Jo ask from somewhere in the room.

"Did I cut too deep or something? Did I try to kill myself?" I asked fearing for their answers.

All I got in return were confused and almost fearful looks.

"Cam, you didn't harm yourself. That's not why you're here." Logan said holding my hand, "Why would you think that you injured yourself?"

I ignored his question and went on. "Why am I here?"

Everyone looked around as if searching for the best way to tell me. I sighed and leaned back into the uncomfortable hospital bed. I waited for a response but nothing came. I waited impatiently as I rested my hands on my stomach where I had felt such sudden pain only a moment ago. It then all clicked.

"Where's LJ?" I asked Logan.

His eyes met mine and he took one of my hands into his.

"Camille-"

"Where is he Logan? Where's my baby?"I said frantically.

I looked around and I knew we weren't in the maternity ward. I watched as Jo turned away and I noticed her trembling in Kendall's arms. Carlos shook his head and James was speechless. Logan was careful.

"Camille, I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

I didn't want to hear him say it. I didn't need to hear him say it because the news was suddenly evident to me. I had lost my baby.

As the reality set in I panicked. I let go of Logan's hand instantly missing the warmth it gave as I let go. I pulled my knees to my chest and burried my face there. I didn;t want any of them to see me. Not now not like this. They couldn't see me be weak when all they knew of me was my strength. I felt my breath go uneasy and I could hear shuffling around the room. I felt Logan's hands wrap around me and his voice to get past my curls and into my ears.

"I'm sorry. He's gone." I heard him say.

I rocked back and forth and my breathing was getting worse. I knew if I kept this up I would be soon unconsciois and at the moment it was my initial goal. The longer I sleep the less reality I'd have to face.

I could hear sobs echo through the room and it made it harder to breathe. The room was literally closing in on me. Logan was close but to me he was distant. How could he be near me after what I let happen? How can he not be disgusted by such a murderer like me? My baby is gone probably suffered because his mommy wasn't strong enough.

As I slipped into unconscious the sobs slowly silenced and that made me realise that it was me who had been crying in the first place.

Just me letting everyone see just how weak I really am.

* * *

** Mostly a filler but it is important that you paid attention. Why would Camille think she was admitted into the hospital for self-harm?**

**Please review!  
**


	17. I am not okay

Camille

Fuck my life.

And I mean it too. I don't know if this is another lesson I have to learn or maybe God is trying to be sick and twisted but I do know that I have to pretend even harder now. I feel empty and it's the weirdest feeling. I can't even consider it a feeling because there's nothing there.

When the doctors examined my stomach after I tore a stitch I didn't feel one once of pain but maybe that was the drugs. When Logan and everyone else was comforting me and trying to get me to speak I felt nothing and said nothing. They tried bringing a therapist in just to see if she could help me but it was merely a waste of time.

I do remember saying something that I actually meant those first few days. I called for my father and when he came I asked him to be my manager. He was hesitant even though he had done the job before but in the end he said yes.

Going back to work meant I wouldn't be home often. It meant not havng to see the shame on not only Logan's face but the faces of my family. I needed this and I was going to do all I could to show them I was sorry, even if it meant being away from them when I need them the most.

* * *

Logan

Today, we're back at the Palm Woods. Thank _God_. Being at the hospital was just too depressing and a constant reminder of our loss.

I held Cam's hand as we walked from the parking lot to the lobby. The guys and Jo had already come home in order to fix the appartment up a bit for Camille's homecoming.

"So are you excited babe?" I asked as I held her hand.

"For?" She said in monotone.

"Coming home."

"Oh, yeah. I'm happy." She lied.

It was evident in her voice. I wasn't sure who she was trying to convince. Me or her.

"So, um...your Dad told me that you wanna start working again." I said trying to be subtle.

"And?" She said.

We were getting closer to the lobby and I immediately regretted even thinking about the subject.

"Logan. And?" Camille said expectantly.

She was looking at me. Her face was relaxed but her voice tensed.

"Nothing. It's stupid. Forget I said anything." I was silently praying she would move on.

We were in the lobby now, hands still locked but I could feel the tension. As we walked passed our friends they gave us encouraging looks and sympathy.

"Welcome back, Camille." Mr. Bitters said from his desk.

"Thank you." was her only reply.

On our way to the elevator we were stopped by Guitar Dude and the Jennifers.

"Yo, Cammy and Smart Guy. So sorry about your loss. If you need us we're totally here." He said

"Well, thanks Guitar Dude. That means a lot." I answered.

"You're really strong you know that?" Jennifer #1 said to Camille.

"Yeah, you are." Jennifer #3 agreed.

"Thanks." And with that she pressed the button to our floor and we stepped into the elevator.

Once we were in the elevator Cam finally let go of my hand. We were now on opposite sides of the elevator and she was looking anywhere but at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"Is there?" She asked knowingly.

"Cam, I know you're upset about what's been going on, but please talk to me. Open up."

"What is there to say? I miscarried. Is that what youy wanted to hear?" She said annoyed.

"Camille, it's not your fault." I said just as the doors opened only to reveal the guys and Jo waiting for us.

"How many fucking times are you going to tell me that? You can say it all you want but I still don't believe it."

"Uh-oh." I heard James whisper.

"Camille, even the doctor said it's not uncommon in that type of pregnancy." I reassured her.

She shook her head still not noticing our friends.

"You don't get it, Logan. You really don't."

"Then help me get it. Help me to understand why you're so angry with me. Why is it so hard for you to tell me your feelings?" I said raising my voice.

Tears were beginning to pool in her eyes.

"I'm going back to work. That's final." She said before getting out of the elevator and to her apartment.

"Trouble in paradise?" James asked.

"If this is paradise than what is hell?" I asked.

We all walked to our apartment agreeing that maybe Camille needed some alone time. I was worried about her. About us. I am upset about the baby. I really wanted my son but it's not Camille's fault. It was never hers. It was mine. My idea for the sex in the first place. My mistake that may have officially ruined Camille.

* * *

Camille

After the fight with Logan I was happy to get away. Not only from him but from everyone. All those sad and pitiful looks people were giving me were sickening. Just another thing to remind me of my crime.

As soon as I got into the apartment, I wanted to get out. Scratch that. I needed to get out. Being in such a closed space made me feel claustrophobic and breathless.

As soon as I was sure that no one was in the hallway I tiptoed past the guys' apartment and to the stairs. It was a really long way up but I couldn't take the risk of going by elevator and seeing another sympathetic person looking my way.

Twenty minutes later I realised taking the stairs was worth it. Once I got on the roof I felt a wave of relief come over me. I was alone and in the open.

As I walked over to the edge of the roof I stared down at all the people below. So many people and such a long way down. To others this was terrifying but to me it was scarily welcoming. I stood there for a good ten minutes before I stepped down and sat on the floor.

All the memories of this past week flooding in my mind. The sobs were clogging my throat and I couldn't breathe. I hadn't cried since the day I found out about LJ.

I cried for so many reasons. I cried for LJ. I cried because I wanted Logan not only to come for me on the roof but to not hate me for not being strong enough. I wanted everything to be alright again. And worst of all I cried because I wanted my mother.

* * *

**BAD CHAPTER! I Know but seriously I'm trying. Please review and tell me what you think**


	18. What they don't know

**Okay this is Cam's point of view! Next will be Logan's POV. Thank you for reading!**

* * *

Camille

_"You should've been stronger Camille. Maybe then this wouldn't have happened to you." Logan said sighing "Because of of you my son is dead."_

_"God, Cam was it that hard to be safe during a pregnancy? Maybe you should've let Peggy be with Logan at least than he'd have a kid." Jo said harshly. _

_I looked around as all my friends and family kept telling me just how weak I am. From Logan to Jo, the rest of BTR and their management to even my own father. The last person I laid my eyes on shouldn't have even been there._

_"You know Camille, Maybe next time around you'll listen to your mama. All you are is a professional liar. Can't even tell your own boyfriend or your friends how you feel." My mother said ashamed._

_"Mama, are you real?" I said reaching out for her._

_"What do you think, liar?"_

_Even with such harsh words I kept reaching out for her but the closer I got the farther she seemed to slip away._

_"Mama. Mom!"_

Suddenly I was wide awake. My PJs were soaking wet with sweat and I struggled to breathe. My room was dark and even though it's been days since I got back from the hospital I can still smell the scent of the cold hospital floors.

I looked over and saw Logan in a peaceful slumber and I sighed. I needed to get over this. I needed to stop thinking about this.

I quietly got up from my bed and tip toed over to my bathroom. I needed relief and I needed it quickly. As soon as I shut the bathroom door I fell to my knees. I couldn't hold my weight anymore and the room seemed to get smaller.

It was official. I had lost my damn mind.

I gripped the edge of the sink and hoisted myself up in order to reach the medicine cabinet. I opened the door quietly hoping there was no loud squeak. Fortunately, there wasn't.

I pulled out the prescription the doctor recommended for the pain. I was only supposed to take one dose but I pulled out and extra pill and swallowed the both of them.

I still felt no release. I finally closed the door not caring for the squeak at all. I did care when I finally saw my face. My eyes were bloodshot and my curls weren't even curls anymore. I had bags under my eyes and my cheeks seemed way too hollow. In other words I might as well be dead.

I walked over to the bath tub and sat at the edge with my head in my hands and I rocked back and forth for who knows how long. I probably wouldn't have stopped if I hadn't heard something drop to the ground only a few feet away from me.

When I looked up to pick it up I realised it was just my razor, nothing actually worth picking up. After that thought, anyone would immediately look away and go on with their business but I didn't. I continued to stare at it until I finally reached over and picked it up,

It was _fascinating_. How one little flick of the wrist could be such a beautiful release from all my pain. Before I could even act on my thoughts, I dropped the razor and lifted myself from the tub and shut the light. I opened the bathroom door and walked back to my bed. Amazingly, Logan still hadn't woken up yet and it made me realise just how much of a heavy sleeper he was.

I grabbed my phone from off my night stand and once again slipped out of my room. I stopped at Jo's door and quietly turned the knob and pushed open the door. Jo was sleeping with Kendall's arms wrapped tenderly over her body. Both were pretty knocked out so I closed the door and slipped out of the apartment.

As I walked down the hall, I glanced at my phone and looked at the time.

4:03 AM.

Perfect timing.

I took my time getting up to the roof even though I was anxious to get there. My mind was racing but my body was going a mile an hour. When I did get up to the roof, I felt everything drain out of me except a sudden feeling of relief.

I walked over to the edge like always and smiled. It was cold outside and the night time breeze wasn't helping but it was like being in the sun for the first time in years.

The lights. The unsuspecting people. Everything just seemed so free and it was like all the other things in my life had just stopped from the time I got up here.

"Beautiful."

I didn't want the moment to end but something in my mind kept telling me that it was time to go back. I looked at my phone and realised that it was almost six thirty in the morning. I had been out for almost three hours.

I took one last glance at my beautiful view and ran down the stairs. Once I got inside and all the warmth embraced me and I finally realised just how cold I was.

I made it home in record time. Just as I got to the kitchen counter and sat down, Jo's room door opened and out came Jo and Kendall, swollen lips and all.

"Good Morning love birds!" I said in my most convincing voice.

They looked at me strangely before shrugging and coming to sit with me.

"Good morning, love. How did you sleep last night?"Jo asked.

"Hmm, not much. She looks a little suspicious." Kendall said smirking. "You and Logan have a wild night or something?"

Jo shot him a disapproving look before turning back to me.

"As I was saying-"

"I slept fine. How about you?" I said cutting her off.

"That's good. And I slept fine."

We sat in a comfortable silence until Logan came in to the kitchen.

"Morning." He said before wrapping his arms around me.

"Good Morning to you too." I replied before kissing him on his lips.

I felt him shiver a little before I finally pulled away.

"Cam, you're really cold."

"I am? Hmm, I didn't notice."

"Really? You sure, you don't want me to put up the heat?"he asked.

"Dude! Do you know we're like in August? You're just asking for someone to die!" James said springing up from the couch.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. How long had he been there?

As if reading my thoughts Logan asked the same question.

"What are you doing here? And where's Carlos?"

"I'm here!" He yelled from somewhere on the floor.

"What the fuck?" Kendall said before going to see where Carlos was.

"I really don't remember you guys sleeping over." Jo commented.

"Yeah, we didn't plan on it either." James said right before grabbing a bagel and popping it into the toaster.

"Then why are you here?" Logan said a bit agitated.

All I could do was stare at them both with wide eyes. Did they know?

"See, after we said goodbye to you four, we did technically leave here." Carlos explained as Kendall helped him up from the floor.

"But then we realised that we forgot our keys. So we came back here instead." James said all while eating his bagel and checking his appearance with the back of a spoon.

"I still don't get why you slept here." Logan said.

"Did you really expect us to sleep outside on the filthy floor?" James asked disgusted.

"Yeah." Jo said.

"How did you guys get in? Camille locked the door." Logan said.

At the mention of my name I snapped out of my trance.

"When did you guys get in?" I asked.

"One question at a time, please." Carlos said looking for corn dogs." We got in around one in the morning. Asleep by two."

"We got in by using the key Cam gave us for emergencies." James added.

I sighed in relief at the thought of them not knowing about my nightly outing.

"Bet you wish you didn't give them that key now Cami." Kendall said laughing.

"I don't care. Next time at least go to the guest room." I said struggling to smile.

I was still a little antsy but relieved that they didn't know.

For now.

* * *

_**That was the easiest chapter out of the whole story because the words came out naturally. I never stopped to think once about any sentence. I loved that feeling. **_

_**Please review because as much as I love my silent readers I love my reviewers!**_


	19. Untitled

Bear in mind that this is set after Camille's adventure on the roof!

Logan

I have dreams of it. The doctor telling that me that LJ is gone and me having to tell Camille that he's gone. It just keeps happening and as many times as I say it's going to be okay it's hard to believe that one day it will be.

I wouldn't say that Camille and I are drifting apart but I can't say we're all that close either. Even though it had only been a few days since we've been back from the hospital it feels as if we're still there.

Her actions are almost mechanic. It's like she knows exactly what to say or do to make everything seem okay and I know it's more for everyone else's benefit than for hers.

I couldn't get her to open up so I had no choice to play along. It may seem like I didn't care but it wasn't something that I've been through before. I didn't know what it meant to lose a child until a few days back.

It hurts. It really does. When the nurse let me hold him I had thoughts about what could've been. Worst of all, I don't think Camille even remembers holding him. Or even having to let him go.

* * *

Logan (Cont'd)

After figuring out why the hell Carlos and James slept over at the girls' apartment we all sat down for a breakfast that Camille insisted that she wanted to cook.

"Okay, seriously Camille. I love you but I love your cooking more!" James said stuffing his mouth with scrambled eggs.\

"Thanks James, but uh slow down there before you choke on it." she said smiling.

"Hey! My cooking was good! You guys never complimented me on it!" Jo said in mock anger.

We all looked at Kendall hoping he could cover for his girlfriends lack of ability to cook anything edible.

"Babe, that's not what they meant. Its just we haven't had anything cooked by Camille in like 5 months and they are just trying to tell her she still has the magic touch." Kendall said making an excellent save.

"Oh. Okay then. It is true though Cami. Your cooking is great."Jo answered.

"Thanks guys. I don't know but something about cooking makes me feel good."

"Well if you feel bad I wouldn't mind you baking me a cake." James suggested.

"Or lasagna. We haven't had your lasagna since the house warming dinner." Carlos added.

It was suddenly quiet and as I watched Camille for any reaction. Something passed over her for like a second and then it disappeared.

"Don't worry James. When I get home later I'll see what I can do. You too, Carlos!" She said as if she was completely unaware of the memory that all of us just shared.

"W-where are you going today Cami?" I asked trying to play along.

"Oh I didn't tell you?" She said taking one last bite of her breakfast. "Since my dad is back to managing me, he got a couple of auditions and a couple of scripts that I wanna check out."

She got up with her plate and headed to the sink.

"You're going back to work?" Kendall said cautiously as Camille made her way back to the table with some more juice.

"Well yeah."

"You don't have to so soon. You could hang with us all day!" Carlos said

"I would love to do that but I want to. I miss it." she said trying to be convincing.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Okay, what the hell? What is wrong with me going back to work?" She said in frustration.

Although it was evident in her voice that she was upset her face was unreadable.

"Cam, you just got out of the hospital." Jo said

"And?" Cam demanded.

None of us wanted to say it but one of us had to. Camille's eyes met mine and they pleaded with me. For what I wasn't sure. It was quiet for a few minutes.

"Camille, we're not trying to hold you back but we don't want you to jump into soemthing when you're not ready."

"God, I'm not a kid you know. I can take care of myself. Let me have this. You especially should understand, Logan!"

And that unfortunately is when I snapped.

"What the hell Camille? I do understand. I understand how hard you try to keep everything together when you know you're breaking. You think I don't understand how fucked you feel when you realise LJ's not here. To only get to hold him once and not even hear him cry? I get it Camille. Maybe not as much as you but I get it and I feel it."

For the first time since telling her about her miscarriage I saw Camille cry.

"Y-you g-g-g-g ot to hold him? And I-I didn't?"

Everyone else was too shocked to speak and remained quiet.

"You were barely conscious but you held him twice. One to say hello and the other goodbye. You got to hold him."

She joined the silence while I sat there just looking around at all of us. Who were we kidding? Sooner or later we were going to have to talk about this.

I chose later.

"Excuse me."

I walked back to Camille's room and into her bathroom. I felt dirty and needed a relief.

I turned the shower on as hot as it could go. To the point where it burning and stepped in clothes on. I felt too exhausted to strip down.

It hurt like hell at first but then the heat was too inviting too escape. I sat at the bottom of the shower and rested my head in my hands.

I didn't hear the door open or hear the shower door being pulled back and someone entering.

I felt her hands as she lifted my head and slowly kissed me with passion that took me so off guard that I didn't kiss back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that you didn't understand it's just I'm trying but it's like it's not good enough anymore to try." Cam said.

"I know. And I'm sorry too but you have to understand that I'm not going anywhere."

It was like she was looking at me for the first time. Her eyes were questioning and needed reassuring.

"We're stuck together whether you like it or not."

"And why is that?"

"Because we have a son. Who would hate to know that his beautiful Mommy wasn't with his daddy. And this love I have for you isn't going away. I'm pretty sure it's going with me forever. Just like you're supposed to be. I mean I didn't ask you to marry me without actually having intentions of marrying you."

Camille turned off the water and looked me in the eyes. Her beautiful brown orbs held me completely.

"You mean that? Like you're in it forever?"

"Did you not just hear my little mini speech?" I said wondering about the urgency in her voice. "I love you. I know that much."

She was quiet and the steam had disappeared by now. We were both soaking wet and still on the shower floor but there was no sign of getting up in Camille's eyes.

"I love you too."

"Wait what?"

"I love you Logan."

I couldn't hold back anymore. I kissed her.

The kiss deepened and soon she was straddling me. This was the first time in months that we'd gone past kissing and I realised how much I missed the intimacy.

"I don't want you to do this if you don't want to. I'm already in this for good. You don't have to prove anything." I said trying to reassure her.

"No, I want this. I need this." And she peeled off my shirt.

As much as my penis was saying otherwise my mind was telling me not to do this. I couldn't disappoint Camille by pushing her off because it's not like I wasn't attracted to her. So I gave in and I tugged at the hem of her night shirt as she lifted her arms in anticipation.

**Here it is. It SUCKED. Review. **

**BTW this is not the end. There is more drama and fighting to come. BTW can you guys believe Big time break up? And we have to wait until July 23 for a new episode? Sigh. Anyway this chapter is basically a little bday present to myself even though my bday isn't until next friday.**

**Anyway thanks for reading and shout out to happygirl57! SHe's the sweetest! Check out her story Haunted! And yes it's Logan/Camille!  
**


	20. Unwanted Promises

**Camille**

In the last month anyone could tell you that everything is okay. And in a way it was. We were all okay. BTR still had a few months left of vacation time and Jo had to go back shooting season 5 of New Town High. So a majority of the time if it wasn't me and Logan, it was me and the rest of the guys.

After my little breakdown and Logan and I making up I promised myself that no matter what I couldn't let that happen again. I had to be strong. I had no choice. So I played the role. Instead of going back to work, I put my career on hiatus and hung out with the guys like Logan wanted.

I went to the pool. **_Like Logan wanted._**

I hung out with the Jennifers. **_Like Logan wanted_.**

I was happy. **_Like Logan wanted._**

I was playing everyone. And not one of them knew.

Sure, there were times where I was genuinely happy but there were also just as many times where I had to fake being alright just to get through the day. I had to admit I was barely alone anymore. Someone was always with me and I wasn't sure if they all planned this but it was like they were making sure I wouldn't breakdown.

It was hard to get some alone time. Except for today.

Today, I was supposed to go to the movies with the guys to see the new Transformers movie. Too bad when I got up I had cramps. For the first time in my life I was so happy for mother nature. I couldn't let Logan know that I was actually happy to get my period so I had to put on my best front.

And that's exactly what I did.

Logan had already got up and I could hear him and the boys attempting to make breakfast in my kitchen. That was another thing. The boys of Big Time Rush practically lived here now-a-days.

I got up (in pain, I might add) and headed down the hallway to the kitchen. I expected them to be in front of the tv watching a game. What I didn't expect was my kitchen to be a mess and Kendall and Logan to be on the floor fighting over a cookbook, James in a corner with flour in his hair about to cry and Carlos sitting on the counter eating a corn dog with a look of satisfaction on his face.

"Really?" I said to no one in particular.

But it did get the boys attention.

"Oh hi Camille." Carlos said still, admiring his corn dog.

"Hey sweetheart." Logan said as he and Kendall attempted to get off the floor.

"We were um just trying to make you some breakfast!" Kendall said pointing to the cookbook.

"I can see that. Um, why is James crying on the floor?" I said pointing to James who was now trying to see if he could fix his hair by looking at his reflection in my metal garbage can.

"Well, about that. It's a funny story." Kendall said.

"You know what? I don't wanna know!" I said smiling.

It's not something I wouldn't expect from them so I brushed it off.

"Clean this mess up. You guys can get something to eat on your way to the movies."

"Why are you still in your PJs?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah, aren't you going to get ready?" Logan asked.

"About that. I think I'm going to pass on the movies today."

"What? Why?" Kendall said concerned.

"Not feeling too good, if you know what I mean." I said hoping that they would get the hint.

They all looked at me. Then each other. Then me again. Then each other.

"Do you have a fever?" James asked.

"No," I said "It's more like mother nature paid me a visit."

"What? It's a perfect day outside." Carlos said confused.

"Guys, that's not what she meant." Logan said "I checked this morning and the pollen count is at a record high today. She's talking about her allergies!"

"Oh!" the others said. I just looked at them in pure stupidity.

"Really? Allergies?" I said to them.

"Yeah. It's okay. We understand." James said.

"Guys, I'm on my period." I said.

All their eyes widened.

"Oh did your allergies cause that?" Carlos asked.

Wow, the moment couldn't have gotten more awkward than that.

"No, that's what I came out here to tell you. I have some really bad cramps and I wanna be by myself for a few hours. Therefore, I want you guys to go without me."

"Oh. Well then." Kendall said making the situation more awkward then it is.

"Do you want us to get you something?" Logan asked.

"Like feminine products?" James asked.

"Wow, you guys really can't say pads or tampons? Can you even say period?"

"Please don't make us say it." Kendall begged.

"Look, I just want to be alone. Everything is covered. Just go. _Leave_."

"We'll clean up, so you don't have to do anything." Logan said.

"Alright." And with that I walked away.

I couldn't help but roll on the floor laughing at how immature the guys are. I mean really. _Allergies_?

Twenty minutes later all the guys came in to say goodbye and five minutes later they were on their way out. I took this as a chance to take a quick shower and finally have some time alone. With the cramps I didn't think I would be doing much of anything but that was fine by me.

After my shower, I couldn't help but gaze at my reflection in the mirror. I had surprisingly lost my bump very quicly and was close to my original size but I still ran my hands over my lower stomach as if maybe my baby would magically appear.

I opened the medicine cabinet and took four pills from my prescription bottle. I knew the effect wouldn't be immediate but that didn't mean I didn't need it. I wasn't addicted.

As I turned and headed to my room I chose a simple long sleeved white shirt and some black shorts to wear. When I headed back to the bathroom I couldn't help but notice my razor just sitting at the edge of the sink. Taunting me.

I knew if I was going to do this I had to be quick. Even though I was sure no one would be home any time soon I still couldn't waste time. I remember doing a movie about a cutter once. It was an indie movie that I got to play when I first moved out here. I sat on the cold tile of the bathroom and took apart the razor.

In the movie it only took a matter of seconds for the character to take apart the razor. For me, it took at least 8 minutes.

When I finally got one blade out I rolled up my sleeves and brought it to my wrist. I wasn't sure what I was doing but I wanted to do it. I dragged the blade over my skin and at first I didn't see the blood. So I did another. Both were barely the size of a fingernail. I decided to try one more time.

Right as I slid the blade down I heard the front door open causing me to cut a bit deeper than I wanted.

"Shit." I cursed as the blood appeared.

"Cami! You alright?" I heard Kendall yell.

I pulled down my sleeve and threw the blade only God know where. I scrambled to get up. Before I could make it to my bed Kendall had already managed to turn the knob and enter my room.

"Hey Kendall." I said trying to keep my voice steady.

He looked at me strangely. He came closer until there was only a foot between us.

"Are the others back?"I asked.

He kept looking at me and then finally answered.

"We actually never left. We're down in the lobby. Guitar Dude and the Jennifers want to come so everyone else is waiting for the other tickets to print out. Plus, I forgot the tickets we had already printed in here. What's going on?"

"Nothing. Why would you think something is going on?" I laughed nervously.

HE could tell something was up. I didn't understand why it was so hard for me to lie right now.

"Camille, I know you. What did you do?" He asked full of concern.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." I said pushing my hair from my face.

Suddenly, he gasped. His hands immediately reached for my wrist. The same wrist I had just cut moments ago.

"Cami, no" He said leading me to the bed.

He rolled up the sleeve and looked at the three small cut on my wrist. The same cuts that stained the sleeve of my shirt.

"Cami Bear, why did you do this? Oh my god, I have to get the others-"

"No!" I yelled. "Please don't"

"Camille, you just cut yourself and you expect me to ignore that?"

"Yes." I said as if it wasn't obvious.

"Why? Why this in the first place? I thought you knew you could come to me or any of us if you needed help."

"Kendall, it's a one time thing. I don't even like doing it. I just wanted to try."

"Why!"

"I don't know. I just did."

"Camille, I know you. What's going on?"

I looked into his eyes and I knew he needed an explanation but I really didn't have one yet. I couldn't afford to let him know how bad things were getting either.

"Look Kendall, I'm fine. Please don't tell Logan or anyone else for that matter. I have things in control."

He let go of my wrist and rested his head in his hands.

"You do know what you're asking me to do, right? Lie to not only your boyfriend but to everyone else too"

"Please. I promise to explain everything to you but please not a word to anyone."

He was quiet for a moment and then he sighed.

"Okay. I won't tell anyone for now. But Camille, I don't know if I could live with myself if I knew something bad was happening to you and I didn't do anything about it."

"I know. But nothing is going to happen."

"It better not."

And with that, he grabbed the tickets and hugged me goodbye.

* * *

**Kendall**

What the hell did I just agree too? I just promised my best friend's girlfriend I wouldn't tell anyone that I found her cutting herself. I know Cami and this just isn't her. There was no way I could keep this a secret. I had to tell someone else.

I took out my phone and dialed the one number I doubt I could ever forget.

It rang three times before someone picked up.

"Hey, big bro!" Katie's said.

"Hey Katie..." I said

"Uh-oh, what happened? Your voice is totally giving you away."

"You will never guess what I just promised."

"I'm all ears."

* * *

**Okay so this was a tad bit rushed and didn't come out as well as I'd hope. I wanted to rush and get this chapter out since my birthday is tomorrow and if I don't update today you guys probably won't get an update until 2 weeks from now.**

**Next chapter is going to be a fluff. So we're going to stop the angst for awhile. Thanks for reading and please review. I'll redo the chapter later and fix a couple of things. **

**-Nessa  
**


	21. I'm here to listen and support

**Kendall**

"Well, I sure did not see any of _**this**_ coming." Katie said

"Yeah? Well neither did I and I practically live at that apartment."

"Then again, even under different circumstances you probably wouldn't have known. Consider yourself lucky you even found out."

I stared at her for several minutes before I spoke.

"This, of all the things, is what you call lucky? I mean come on Katie!" I stood up from the couch and began pacing around 2J.

"Kendall, calm down." She said in this weird therapist like voice.

I did stop pacing and stared at her again. This time really looking. Time really did go by quickly. Could Katie really be almost 14?

"I shouldn't have brought you into this." I said sighing. "Can you...just like..._**forget**_ about this conversation?"

"Really? Forget about this? Not a chance."

I rested my head in my hands and exhaled.

"Great, first I'm a bad friend, now I'm a horrible big brother. Shoot me now!"

"Wow, someone is a little dramatic."

Seriously, I am really beginning to rethink the whole going to Katie for help thing.

"Why the hell are you so calm about this? It's like you thought this was going to happen." I said to Katie.

She was silent for a moment before speaking.

"I didn't want this to happen. I hoped this wouldn't happen. But I think Camille has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I mean it's not surprising since LJ and all. But I've been talking to the guys and from what they've told me about her, it might be true."

"But she was fine!"

"She seemed fine. Just because it took the girl awhile for people to see her acting potential doesn't mean it was there all along. Not to mention, wasn't Camille a bit freaked out at the hospital when she first woke up. She thought she had self-harmed. It makes sense."

"Fuck. I have to tell Logan." I said as I got up and headed to the door. Only to be stopped by Katie.

"Wait. Do you really think telling Logan is the best idea?"

"And why wouldn't it be? He's my best friend and I owe him this."

"Think about it for a sec. Camille trusted you with her secret. That means you've got some of her trust. It's been almost an hour since you left her apartment. She knows that if you had told Logan he would've been there already."

"So?"

"So, act on that trust. Find out more. _**Talk**_ to her. _**Listen**_ to her."

"And then what?"

"We'll figure that out when we get there. Now go to her apartment. By the way I already texted the guys that you were here and helping me out with something. They went off to the movies without you."

I nodded my head in understanding.

"Wait, when did you text the guys?"

"When you were pacing around the room and explaining everything to me."

"Oh."

"Kendall?"

"Yeah. Go to Camille."

"Right!" I kissed Katie goodbye and took the elevator upstairs to Camille.

* * *

I didn't have to knock or anything. I just went straight in and scanned the apartment. I walked towards her closed bedroom door in anticipation.

I knocked and waited for her to open the door. When she did, I mentally eyes were swollen from crying and she just looked so lost.

"Look, before you say anything, let me talk. I'll keep your secret but I want to hear more. Tell me everything you can. I'm here for you. I'm here to listen."

"Okay." She whispered.

She moved aside to let me in and with an open mind I stepped in waiting to listen to Camille.

* * *

**Shockingly I'm satisfied with this filler. It flowed pretty nicely and I hoped you enjoyed it. I'll update sometime later this week. Thanks for reviewing and please review!**


	22. Conversation Continued

**Camille**

When I closed the door after letting Kendall in, I seriously stopped and wondered what the hell was I doing. Here I was, about to spill my secrets to my boyfriend's best friend. If I hadn't already lost my mind then I think I just did.

"Camille, please talk to me." Kendall said as he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

I was still by the door deep in my thoughts but I did hear him. I just didn't know what to say to him.

**_'The truth works out fine you know.'_** a voiced in my head told me.

Really? Voices. Shit, I really have lost my mind.

"Look, Kendall I appreciate this, I really do but I'm fine. You know how I get when I'm PMSing. Really I'm fine."

He looked anything but convinced.

"I know I'm not a girl but I'm pretty sure most girls don't turn suicidal when they're on that time of the month."

"I'm not suicidal."

"Okay, if you don't want to die, than why were you cutting yourself?"

He had me there. Like he really had me there. Even though it barely happened 2 hours ago it seemed like it happened years ago.

"I'm not suicidal. I just wanted to try it."

"So, if I wanted to try jumping off a bridge what would you think?"

"How high is the bridge Kendall?"

His mouth dropped open in shock. But really that is the first thought in mind.

"Camille, look I don't want to pressure you into anything but seriously. You didn't want to go into therapy so this is all that's left. Your friends and family. I'm right here and I won't tell Logan."

"How do I know that?" I asked.

"Because I've never betrayed you before."

As I though about it, he was right. He'd never given me a reason not to trust him.

"Fine. Sit." He smiled and sat down on my bed.

"Why are you here?" This time it was my turn to ask the questions.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. But you need someone and since I'm someone then maybe you could need me."

"Really, that's your logic?"

"Yup. I'm sort of doing this as I go along." He said smiling.

"Sit." I sighed.

With another sigh I walked over and sat next to him.

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

"Talk. Say something. Anything at all."

"Anything?"

"Anything, Cami."

"What do you see yourself doing in the next few years?" I asked seriously.

I was actually curious. It was something that had been on my mind for awhile and I wanted to know if I was the only one who thought about stuff like that.

After what seemed forever he finally answered.

"To tell you the truth, I don't know. It's not like I never thought about it because I do. But really life's too short to be organized."

"So, it doesn't scare you not knowing what happens next?" I asked shocked.

"Actually no. It's like somehow I'm sure things will end alright because I have you guys by my side and mom and Katie too."

"Wow, you really are carefree."

"Ha, I guess you could say that." He answered laughing.

It was quiet for a moment but I soon found myself relaxing and wanting to talk more.

"What about you Cami Bear?" He said as he laid down staring at the ceiling with me.

"Unlike you, I think about my future a lot. It's weird almost."

"Well, why is it weird? Everyone thinks about their future. Some more than others but still everyone does it."

"I know, it's just lately my future seems to be foggier and foggier as I go."

"What do you mean?"

"Forget it." I said immediately shutting down.

"Camille..."

"Please, can we just talk about something else?"

He sighed. "Fine..."

We were quiet after that. I had something on my mind that I wanted to ask him but I didn't know how he would react. I could sense that Kendall had something on his mind but it didn't seem like he was going to say anything anytime soon.

I closed my eyes and immediately my thoughts went back to the one thing I've been trying to keep from going back to. LJ.

"Did you get to hold him too?" I suddenly asked.

I didn't mean to ask him but the words just came out. The strange thing about it was that after the words came out I was anxious to hear his answer. He knew exactly what I was talking about and didn't pretend otherwise.

"I got to hold him. So did Jo, and the other guys. Even your dad. I know it sounds weird but we wanted to say goodbye too."

I nodded. And one by one I imagined everyone holding LJ. Everyone except me.

"Do you really not remember holding him?"

"To tell you the truth, it's more like bits and pieces. It's hard because sometimes I can just be sitting down minding my own business and then it hits me. I see his little face and that hospital room and I'm not sure if it's real or not."

"I think it's real. We were there when you got to hold him the first time. You kept going in and out of consciousness but you held him."

"What did he look like?"

This time he turned to face me and soon after I did the same.

"He looked like the both of you. But more than ever that kid had some hair. He had curls just like you. I think that's what made James upset the most. All that hair and he never got to show you how to style it."

"Only James."

"Yeah."

Silence. Again. The thing is, it wasn't awkward. It was comfortable and I think that's what made it worse.

"Lately, I don't feel eighteen."

"How old do you feel then?" Kendall asked.

"A million. But then I realize that I don't know a lot to be that old."

"See, I have that same problem. Except it's a tad bit different."

"How so?" I asked.

"I don't feel eighteen. I feel so much younger than that. It's like according to my ID and everything else I'm eighteen going to be nineteen in November. But I still feel like that sixteen year old kid from Minnesota. Does that makes sense?"

"It makes way more sense than you know." I answered.

And it really did.

"Are you hungry? You never really did get your breakfast."

Kendall laughed then nodded. He got up off my bed and helped me up in the process. Even though I was off the b ed Kendall never let go of my hand. As we made our way out of my room into the kitchen I couldn't help but stare at our hands.

I wasn't falling in love with him or anything. Nor did I have any other feeling for him other than the brotherly kind but I couldn't help but feel safe with my hand in his.

"You know Cami, even though you are Logan's girlfriend doesn't mean you aren't my friend. Same with the others. We're here for you no matter what."

And I actually believed that. And at the same time it scared me that I did. He let go of my hand and I went to work on some lunch.

As much as I didn't want to talk before I am sure as hell happy that I did now.

Okay. So many of you anted me to continue the conversation between Camille and Kendall so here it is. Also I found that a lot of you were super curious about the whole baby holding thing so I decided to put some of that in here. This chapter was slow for me and didn't flow as well as I liked.

**I promised some fluff so I'm bringing it in soon! Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think. Next chapter will probably have way more Logan and Camille action.**


	23. Birthday Lovin'

**Logan**

Everything had actually been going well over the past few weeks. We were well into September and my birthday was coming up in a week.

My birthday wasn't always something I wanted to celebrate but every year since I've met Camille she's always made a big deal about it. My sixteenth birthday she had my party at her place. That night was crazy. The guys invited just about everyone we knew and all of LA. The party got so wild that Bitters actually gave Camille two strikes in one night. In the end, Camille was crying her eyes out and I was laughing my ass off at how great the night was. That was my sixteenth birthday.

My seventeenth birthday was cut in two. The morning and early afternoon to do whatever with the guys and sunset and the evening with Camille. It had been a year since she and I had started dating and she had tried to make it special and one I couldn't forget. And she was right. I didn't forget it. See, she tried to make this great big birthday dinner of all my favorite foods and dessert. Instead she ended up burning most of it and like the year before crying by the end of the night. But that's not what made it unforgettable. It was the first time we said I love you and the first time we had sex.

My eighteenth birthday Camille booked a club for all our Palm Woods friends and family. I told her not to go over the top and she simply replied that since I only turn eighteen once I have to go over the top. I remember having a couple of drinks and just hanging out. It was perfect. I felt so free. I had no worries and everything was really going my way around that time. By the end of the night everything went as planned. Except James got a bit tipsy and ended up spilling his drink all over Camille's new dress. Not only did Camille end up crying but she almost killed James that night. And of course I ended up laughing about it.

As I lay here in my bed I can't help but wonder what on earth she planned for this year. In all that has happened it would feel weird to have a party and I don't think I would be up to even celebrating anyway.

"What are you thinking about?" Camille asked as she shifted closer to me.

I actually forgot that she was even next to me.

"You." I said. And it was true. I was thinking about her.

"And?" She asked as if she truly knew there was something else on my mind.

"How do you know there's something else?"

"How do you know what you're going to eat for breakfast? How do you know you are going to have a great day? How do you know that you are going to wake up in the morning?" she asked.

"Well, you don't. It's like guess work." I answered wondering where she was going with this.

"Exactly. I don't actually know if you're thinking about something else. I'm just going with my gut."

"Interesting. I was honestly just thinking about my birthday."I explained as I sat up with my back against the headboard.

Camille sat up too. Before continuing I just stared at her. It wasn't necessarily staring more like gazing. It was hard to believe that I get to wake up to her. I mean I'm pretty lucky. At the moment she was wearing one of my shirts which was pretty big on her and some boy shorts that she loves to sleep in. It was quite sexy.

Maybe it was because we hadn't had sex in awhile but I couldn't help but get a bit heated as she sat with me her back against the board. We were just barely touching but I had to try hard to control myself.

"Your birthday **_is_** coming up. Makes sense to start planning now. How do you want to top all those other birthdays of yours?" She asked.

"Eh, I really don't want anything special this time around."

"Ha, when has that ever stopped me before?"

"Never. But seriously I've had enough great birthdays to last me awhile."

"Which was your favorite?" She asked curiously.

I thought about it for a second. And to tell you the truth it was a no brainer.

"My seventeenth birthday. The day I told you I love you for the first time."

She smiled remembering that it was a night of many firsts.

"I remember that night. I nearly burned the Palm Woods down but you still loved me either way."

"I'll always love you either way." I responded looking into her eyes.

"I love you too Logan." She said right before kissing me.

As much as you would think that since I'm the horny one I'd be the one to deepen the kiss but this time it was all on Camille. Before I knew it she was straddling me and the need for oxygen forced us apart.

"I love you wasn't the only first that night." She said smirking.

"I know." I said.

With her on my lap it was hard to control myself and I knew that she was doing this on purpose.

"You know, people say the past tends to repeat itself." She said playfully.

"Are you trying to tell me that you wanna try and burn down the Palm Woods again just for sex?"

"Of course not! Why go to all that trouble if I already have you in bed?" She said as she pulled my shirt over my head and ran her hands down my upper body.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" I asked.

"Is it working?"

"You tell me."

And with that my lips crashed against hers.

* * *

**Camille**

Two hours later we were both showered and ready for the day. We guessed that everyone was awake since we could hear the rest of BTR in the kitchen.

"Seriously, how is it that we haven't managed to burn down the apartment?" Kendall said annoyed.

"Look, I didn't know you weren't supposed to put them in a deep fryer. I didn't even know we have a deep fryer!" Carlos said innocently.

From the looks of the kitchen, Logan and I weren't the only ones who had an interesting morning.

"What happened to you guys?" I asked as I looked around the kitchen.

"And what wasn't supposed to go into the deep fryer?"Logan added.

"Well, according to Kendall, toaster waffles should not go anywhere but a toaster." Carlos said.

"You do know that's why they call them toaster waffles_.Toaster. Waffles_."

"I still don't see your point." Carlos answered back.

"I honestly didn't think you would." I responded.

"By the way _love birds_, you ruined my beauty sleep." James said angrily.

"Us? How?" Logan asked.

He walked over to the counter and grabbed an apple waiting to hear the rest of James' complaining while I helped Kendall clean up whatever he was trying to clean.

"Warn someone if you're going to have morning sex, so early in the damn morning! I mean seriously, I may be naturally gorgeous but I still need some god damn beauty sleep!"

"Seriously, you need therapy." I said smiling.

"And you need to learn to have quieter sex." James said.

"Sorry, James." Logan apologized.

It was obvious he was embarrassed about it but for some reason I really didn't care.

"Apology accepted but seriously you are paying for both botox and my anti-wrinkle aging cream cream."

"You said cream twice."I said confused.

"I know."

"So what's the game plan for today?" Carlos asked.

Somehow between James' rant and Kendall trying to clean up he managed to get himself a corn dog.

"Yeah, what are we doing today?" Kendall said

"We are planning Logan's birthday!"I said excitedly.

"Alright!" All the boys of BTR seemed to agree with me except one.

Logan of course did not seem happy one bit.

"Camille, I said I didn't want a party."

"I don't see your point." I said attempting to mock Carlos.

"See! I'm not the only one who doesn't see these points!"

"Look, I don't want anything special. I just want to spend the day with my friends. I want this birthday to be exactly how I want it."

We were all quiet for a moment. I guess we were just thinking if we would go along with it. And to tell you the truth I guess we should.

"Okay. Fine. If that's honestly what you want, than that's what you'll get. Tell us what you want us to do that day and we'll do it." I said.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"It was that easy?" Logan asked astonished.

"Who made it difficult?"

"You did. You and your begging and now that I think about it were you bribing me with sex just so you could get me to agree to something big for my party?"

"No matter how smart that sounds, I just wanted the sex. No bribing was involved but I will save that idea for next time." I smirked.

"Seriously, did anyone else notice that we are way too open with each other?" James said fixing his hair in the mirror.

"Yes. But it works." Kendall answered.

And it was true. We were really opened with each other. Sometimes though we were too open.

* * *

**Camille**

**Two hours later**

As much as I wished I could say that the need for the blade wasn't strong anymore I just couldn't. The power I had with that tiny piece of metal is literally the control and power I've wanted all these years.

I was alone in my apartment for the next few hours since Jo would get home around five. I entered my bathroom and went to work. Soon I had three little blades in the palm of my hand.

I couldn't help but smile. I had it. It was mine. All mine.

* * *

**So that was three updates in a week! Yay! Here is your requested fluff. Sort of. But it's still fluff. For all of you who thought that there would be some good ol' smut in this chapter I am sorry. I suck at that stuff. No pun intended! **

**Hope you liked it. Please review**


	24. Wannabe

The days before Logan's birthday were supposed to be easy. Yet turned out more complicated than I imagined. I felt myself relaxing a bit more and sort of finding a way to accept what happened. I was starting to I guess be alright. Sure, cutting wasn't something I was proud of but it was mine. And I liked having something that was mine and no one could take away from me. So technically I was happy.

I could truly smile and know that I wasn't kidding myself. So, I decided to pay a visit to my dad. See what he's been up to. And honestly I really wanted to go back to work. I felt ready and I missed being able to escape into someone else's life. Even if it was for only a few scenes. Those scenes were the only other way out of reality. Well, not the only ones. But the only one I think anyone would be okay with.

The visit didn't go the way I planned. I wish it had. Maybe I should've reacted better. Maybe he just shouldn't have said what he had said. Either way, it was just another flashback to add to the list of the ones that already tormented me every step of my day.

_Flashback_

"_Camille, maybe going back to work isn't what's best for you right now." My dad said as he cleared some dishes._

_We were at his condo, just the two of us, having a much needed father daughter dinner my intentions still work related.  
_

"_Not you too, Dad. Don't you think I've learned what.s best for me and what,s not?" _

"_Camille, I don't want you to rush yourself."_

"_Don't you think a lot of things have been rushed?" I said almost accusingly._

_He finished up and finally came to sit next to me by the counter. I knew he had his reasons but I also had mine. I needed this. I actually needed a lot of things (most of which were unattainable with the exception of this one)._

"_Look, it's been what 2 and a half months since you've been out of the hospital. Why go back so early?" _

_Before I could answer a thought came to mind and suddenly everything started to come to light. _

"_No one wants to hire me, do they?" I had already figured out the answer but I needed to hear it from him. _

_One look was all it took for me. He didn't have to say a thing. He didn't want to either. _

"_Answer me, Dad." I said not demanding just simply asking._

"_It's not that they don't want you, they do. But again with you being in your state they don't want to take any risks."_

"_What risks? I lost a baby! It's not like I'm crazy. I didn't mean to lose it. It just happened!"_

"_They know that honey. We all do." He said attempting to calm me down. "It's just that they don't want you to overwork yourself when you should be mourning your loss."_

_I couldn't believe it. _

"_So I have no career?" _

"_You do Camille. Just not now. In another year or so-"_

"_A year?" I didn't wait for him to finish._

_I grabbed my bag and keys and left without a goodbye. _

_When I got home later that night no one was home. I walked straight to my bathroom and into my medicine cabinet for something I've managed to put off for a while. _

_In the pill bottle held the key to forgetting. To numbing. And that night I began to take as much advantage as I could take of that._

_End of Flashback._

That was the day after Logan told us what he wanted for his birthday. I never told anyone about that conversation with my dad. And I kind of wished I could. I didn't want to ruin Logan's birthday and everything is going so well. I can't just ruin it. We all know I have a habit of doing that.

Once again, the cold early morning wind breezed right past me. I shivered a bit. I was wearing only some shorts and a tank top as I stood on the Palm Woods roof top. These nightly (or should I say morning) outings really help me clear my head.

I look at phone and realize that it's 20 minutes after six and I was way late getting back to the apartment. I took one last look over the edge at the unsuspecting people and went back home. The guys' had an early morning meeting and Jo should be getting up soon. I had to quietly rush past the guys' apartment just in case one of them magically decides to open the door just as I pass by.

I made it safely into my apartment. That is, until I heard someone clear their throat as I attempted to walk through the living room unspotted.

"Good morning, Cami." Jo said as she sat on the counter sipping some coffee.

"Hey Jo." I said, my voice cracking a bit.

"So, where were you?" she asked.

She had this creepy smile on her face and I felt like a little kid whose just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"And don't lie and say you weren't anywhere. I heard you leave. Really early actually." She said expectantly.

"I went for a walk." And it wasn't a lie. I_ walked_ to the roof.

"Hmmm at like four thirty in the morning? Where the hell did you walk to?"

"Palm Woods park." I answered slowly easing into actress mode.

"Why? Are you and Logan having one of those early morning meetings again?"

"No. It was just me. I couldn't sleep so I decided why not?"

I've not only seen but also been in those shows or movie scenes where you lie and say "Oh yeah I was with so and so" and then that person you were with gets asked about it before you can get to them and the whole lie blows up in your face.

"Well missy, next time wake me up too. I miss hanging out with you. Plus, I couldn't sleep either."

I smiled. I did miss Jo too. I loved the guys but there was some much needed girl time for me and Jo.

"Tell you what, how about we have a girl's day. The guys will be busy until a little after dinner time so it can be just you and me the whole day." I offered.

"Really? You don't have any plans today?" Jo asked.

"Of course I do. Hanging out with my best friend!" I laughed as her sudden frown became a smile.

"Yay!" She squealed as she jumped from the counter and hugged me.

I was surprisingly excited for today. Anything to get my mind away from the toxic thoughts from before.

* * *

Logan

After spending the whole day with Griffin, I couldn't wait to go home. And thank god the guys agreed. Due to recent events. Griffin decided now with even more publicity surrounding the miscarriage it was time for tour. Since we didn't have a tour for our last album it was time to head out.

He gave us two weeks before we had to start preparing everything. Two weeks to tell Camille.

"How do you think she's going to react to you going to tour?" Carlos asked as we made our way to the Palm Woods elevator.

"I don't know. I mean she's been good for awhile now. But I think she still needs me."

"And us, too" Kendall added.

"True." Carlos agreed.

We quickly made a beeline for Camille and Jo's apartment the second the elevator doors opened. Surprisingly, we actually had to use a key to get in. And that never happens unless the girls were out.

So when we opened the door we were instantly embraced by the voices of the Spice Girls and Jo and Camille. Clad in white robes and Guacamole masks the girls danced around the apartment singing along.

"If you want my future, forget my past. If you wanna get with me make it fast." Jo sang.

"Now don't go wasting my precious time, get your act together we'll be just fine." Camille sang

And together they sang the infamous chorus all while us guys watched.

"I think she'll be just fine." James whispered.

"Oh yeah." Carlos, Kendall and I agreed.

"We should join in." Kendall suggested.

And so we did.


	25. Truth in a Field of Lies

**Little shout out to all my readers and reviewers! Seriously you guys are great. And if you don't mind head over and read some of GhostGirlMD's stories. You will be hooked! Also, a special thank you to one particular anonymous reader. Q. I'm not sure if Q is a boy or girl but it doesn't matter because this person always reviews and is just so supportive. Thanks Q!**

* * *

**Logan**

It's been three days and some how I've managed to do everything but tell Camille about the tour. I wasn't sure what made it so hard for me to just come out and say it. So here I am in my room laying right next to her feeling guilty as hell.

Today, I was officially nineteen years old. And I had to admit I felt a bit different. Eighteen was just the beginning of adulthood. Nineteen feels like the actual start. I finally see what James was talking about. Nineteen feels free.

"Morning birthday boy." Camille said kissing me on the cheek.

"Good morning beautiful."

She smiled as she eased herself up more to face me.

"Are you excited for today?" She smirked.

Turns out not telling Cam about leaving for tour wasn't my only problem. Griffin decided what better way to announce the next BTR tour than to have a big blow out party. On my birthday. With friends and family. And Camille. Who I still haven't told about the tour. And tonight I'm taking her to the party for the tour. _Great!_

"Uh yeah. C-can't wait." I said nervously.

Camille looked at me strangely before speaking to me again.

"So, why is Gustavo throwing this big party?"

"Uh well, it's not just for my birthday exactly. He feels like since we didn't have such a big release party for our last album why don't we do it now? Plus, he just said he feels like it. And you know how Gustavo is." I said not completely lying.

"Hmm, that's nice of him. I still wish you had let me throw you a party." She said pouting.

I pulled her closer to me so that her head was resting on my chest and my arms were wrapped comfortably around her.

"Babe, you don't have to throw me a party. All I want is you. Spending time with you is all I need for my birthday or any day."

"Aww, really?"

"Of course."

"Than that's great. You guys aren't working on another album or going on tour until 2012 so that I guess it works out perfectly." She said smiling.

And that's when the rest of my guilt stabbed me straight through my heart.

"Well Cami, I've been meaning to tell-"

"Happy Birthday!" Kendall, James, Carlos and Jo all yelled as they entered my room. As usual uninvited.

"Hey thanks guys. Especially for interrupting." I said through clenched teeth.

"Lighten up Logan. It's okay it's not like we're doing anything." Camille said as the guys got closer and she untangled herself from me.

"But Cam, I had to tell you-"

"Cake!" Carlos yelled as he smashed some cake into my face.

How the hell did telling the truth get to be nearly impossible?

"Happy Birthday, Logie." Camille said as she kissed some off the cake off my cheek.

All I could think about was how happy this birthday really would be. I better enjoy it while I can because I have a feeling it may be my last.

* * *

"What the hell do you mean you haven't told Camille yet?" Kendall said walking out of his bedroom and into the kitchen where the rest of the gang were.

"Well, if a certain group of people didn't manage to charge into my room every single time something important is going to be said than may be I would've been able to tell her!" I yelled glaring at each of my best friends.

"Does this mean you didn't like the cake?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah, that cake wasn't cheap either!" James added.

It was times like these that make me wonder why I never got new friends.

"Yes, idiots I liked the cake but that's not the**_ point!"_**

"Hey at least you liked the cake." Carlos said with a look of satisfaction.

**_"Oh. My. God."_** I sighed as I hit my head against the counter. Hopefully if I do this long enough I'll need to be sent to the ER to nurse my sudden concussion.

"Hey, does anyone else see that Logan is a little frustrated?" Kendall said as he reached over and pulled me from behind in attempt to stop me from causing any further harm.

"Nope. I think he's fine."

"No, I'm not! My girlfriend is going to kill me! You guys should've heard her talking about how great it is BTR has no upcoming albums or tours!"

"So, you're screwed if you take her to this party..." James said as always stating the obvious.

"Exactly!"

"Than don't take her to the party! Pretend to be sick, do something. I mean come on. You_** are**_ the smart one."

"James, that's a great idea. But that still doesn't finding out. Either way the tour is still on." Kendall said.

Great so either way I'm still screwed. Why didn't I just tell her when I first found out. Stupid Spice Girls.

"Logie, just tell her. It's worse if she hears it from anyone else." Carlos said sympathetic

"Yeah, Jo understood. Cam will too."

"Wait you told Jo?" I asked Kendall.

"Of course! She would kill me if I didn't. I told her not to say anything yet to Camille."

I honestly have to be the worst boyfriend ever.

"Cheer up. Things we'll get better. Now let's go pick up the girls."

* * *

**2 hours later**

**Logan**

So far the night had gone well. I still didn't tell Camille but the guilt wasn't as strong as it was before. Instead I had a weird feeling that I spent awhile trying to ignore.

I danced, ate and drank with Camille and it all should've gone off without a hitch. But something was really wrong. Camille looked beautiful in her little black strapless dress that hugged her curves perfectly. Her curls were straightened and her cascaded down her back. I had to admit she looked breathtaking.

Gustavo still had to make the big BTR tour announcement to the party goers about the tour so I was hoping he could put that off for the last possible minute.

Like I said something as just way off. And for once it wasn't me. It was Camille. It's as if she was waiting for something. She did everything with me but it was like her heart wasn't in it.

"Camille, are you sure you're okay?" I asked again as I brought her back some soda.

"Yeah. Are you okay? Are you having fun?" She asked.

"Yeah. But really Camille you look like something is bothering you."

"Is there? Hmm, I didn't notice."

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

She looked at me for a long time before she finally answered.

"Enjoy your birthday, Logan." She said her voice sounding sad.

Just before I could say anything Gustavo stopped the music and picked up a mic.

"Hello, everyone. As you already have guessed I have an announcement!"

I looked from Gustavo to Camille. Who was staring at me the whole time.

"Rocque Records and I have decided to begin the North American tour for Big Time Rush's fifth album in exactly two weeks. Tickets go out on sale on midnight tomorrow. But if you don't want to wait the long we'll be auctioning off some tickets later on tonight."

I didn't even listen to the rest of Gustavo's speech. I felt like a complete idiot for not telling her myself. She stood not even a foot away from me shaking her head. I looked around and I could see The rest of BTR and Jo watching from a few feet away. Jo looking remorseful as ever.

"You knew." It was more of a statement rather than a question.

"So did you." I answered back.

"Yeah, but you weren't the one to tell me. I had to find out through Kelly."

Now that I didn't expect.

"Kelly? Like assistant to Gustavo Kelly?"

"Yes. She sent me and Jo flowers explaining Griffin's sudden decision to put you guys on tour. That was the morning after you found out. I waited for you to tell me. I said so many things Logan. I was planning a bunch of shit to do together just so I could hear it from you!"

"Camille-"

"Shut the fuck up, Logan." She was furious at this point and people started to stare. The rest of BTR was now standing behind me while Jo had a hand on Camille's shoulder.

"What were you going to do in two weeks? Tell me right before you leave? If this was your way of protecting me than I sure as hell don't want anymore protection from you. All I wanted was the truth. You've gone on tour before. Just because of LJ you don't have to tip toe around me. I'm fine! I just wanted the truth. I wanted to hear it from you. Have a happy fucking birthday Logan. I'll deal with you tomorrow."

She gave me one last look of disappointment before walking away. Jo tried to go with her but she only gave her a sad smile and requested that she stayed. She said she needed some alone time for awhile.

I simply stood there speechless.

* * *

**Camille**

I don't remember ever being so mad at Logan. I thought he was going to tell me but he didn't.

When I got to my apartment I went straight for the blade. I made a few cuts on my ankles and took a couple of painkillers. I ignored the tears threatening to fall.

After I got changed into some sweats and a hoodie I took my blanket and headed to the roof.

My safe haven was just as I had left it and I gladly took my spot near the edge to watch the night. I allowed the tears to fall.

Honestly I would've been okay with Logan leaving. I would miss him sure but I knew he would be back. I just wanted to hear him say that he was leaving and coming back. I needed to hear that come from him. And it never did. He let me sit and talk about how happy I was he was staying.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket but I ignored it. I couldn't stand to hear anyone right now. I needed to be alone. I watched the stars for the rest of the night before the night air finally got to me and I went inside. Luckily no one was in the hallways or even at home. And for that I was grateful.

I walked into my room and left the door unlocked knowing that Jo would come into the room to comfort and most likely sleep with me tonight. And for now that was the only person I could stand.

I relaxed into the embrace of my bed and accepted the foggy haze of sleep.

_Why couldn't I just have heard it from him?_ Maybe then I wouldn't feel so alone right now.

* * *

**There you go! Just so you guys know. You'll be getting some massive updates since school is starting and I won't be able to update that much during school. The story is ending in the next ten or twelve so we do have a longish road ahead of us. It will be a happy end though. **


	26. Engagement Revelations

Camille

The next morning as I predicted I awoke with Jo sleeping right next to me. Her arm was draped over my waist and the moment too me back to the worst day of my life. I shook away the memory and attempted to get up. In the process I of course awoke Jo.

"Not so fast missy!" She said pulling me down.

"Too early for this Jo."

"Actually, it's like noon. And we need to talk."

I sighed before reluctantly moving back into bed.

"What?"

"Are you alright Cami?"

"Really, Jo? Of all things to talk to me about you asked if I was alright?"

I rolled my eyes before walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen for breakfast. My stomach was growling like crazy and food was my main focus at that moment.

"Camille, look maybe that wasn't the best ting for me to say but seriously, don't you thing you overreacted? I mean Logan would never do this to you without some weird reason."

'Pancakes sound really good for breakfast.' I said thinking to myself.

"Camille." Jo yelled before throwing a spoon at the back of my head.

"What the hell?" I yelled turning around to meet her glare.

"Gosh, Camille you know I'm always on your side but seriously you were wrong last night. Sure, Logan didn't tell you he as leaving for tour in two weeks and he was wrong for not personally telling you but I know he had his reasons behind it. And technically you were just as wrong. You not only knew he was leaving but you kept baiting him."

"Jo.."

"Camille, listen. You were just as bad. You and Logan are all about trust and you should know that he always tells you the truth unless he really doesn't want to hurt you and even then he finds away to tell you. He was trying to protect you."

I stood and pondered what she had just said. For a minute I just stood there and debated what I should do. And then it all became crystal clear.

I put down the pancake mix and walked out of the apartment. I could hear Jo's footsteps behind but I didn't bother to tell her to go back.

I know most people would knock or even call before they go over to someone else's place but hte guys never bother to really lock the door either way.

When I barged in I saw that the guys were (surprisingly) having a quiet breakfast. All except for Logan.

"Hey Cam-" Carlos started but didn't finish as I held up my finger to silence him.

I made a beeline for Logan's room and instead of barging in like I usually would I stopped myself. Logan always wanted people to knock and wait for him to answer before going in. And in retrospect, I did owe him that much and way more.

So for the first time ever I knocked. And waited. And waited. And then knocked some more. Then waited.

"Camille..."

"No Jo I have to do this." I said not bothering to look at her.

"Logan, I know you can hear me. I have something to tell you. Look, I know I don't say this much but seriously...I was wrong...

* * *

**Logan's POV**

I had just finished my shower and just as I opened the door to go back to my room I saw Camille's brown curls just whirl past me and towards my room followed by the guys and Jo.

I looked to them for an explanation and was just answered by a few shrugs. She started knocking on my bedroom door. Which was a first for Camille. Actually a first for anyone.

"Camille." I said calling to her.

"No Jo I have to do this." She answered not bothering to look back.

I was a tad bit offended that she thought I was Jo. It wasn't until she actually started talking to my door that I realized why she was here.

"Logan, I know you can hear me. I have something to tell you. Look, I know I don't say this much but seriously...I was wrong...And I'm sorry. I overreacted as usual and it was stupid of me to think that you didn't tell me because you were going to leave me. You were protecting me like always. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I love you Logan and you probably never want to speak to me again but please just hear me out. And Logan can you please just open the door."

"Why? I'm right behind you."

I could hear giggles and snickers from behind me and I could see Camille immediately tense up. She slowly turned around to face me.

"Hi."

"Hello, Camille."

"Did you um, hear all that?" She asked referring to her previous rant.

"Uh huh." I said nonchalantly.

I stared at Jo and the guys expectantly hoping they would take the hint and leave. And of course they didn't.

"Can you guys leave Camille and I alone?"

They all gave me dirty looks before slowly but most definitely going back to the kitchen. Once they left I opened my room door and motioned for Camille to come in.

She hesitantly entered and sat on my bed.

"I was really wrong Logan."

"So was I."

"Yeah, but I should've came to talk to you instead of baiting you. I just needed to hear it from you."

I watched as she rested her head in her hands and looked anywhere but me.

"Camille, do you think I would just go on tour and forget about you? Not even telling you in the first place?"

"No...but..."

"Did you think I would just not come back?"

"..."

"Camille, like the song says, yes I may meet a million pretty girls that know my name, but don't you worry 'cause you have my heart."

"But still..."

"Camille, I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I didn't actually have intentions of doing that one day."

"One day could never happen."

I took hold of one of her hands and made sure that she was looking at me.

"Camille, I'm going to marry you. As long as you want to marry me."

"I do."

I smiled. Then a thought came to me.

"Sweetheart, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Close you eyes."

She did as I asked and I reached into my closet and pulled out something I haven't looked at in years.

I realized I was still in my towel and blushed at the thought that I really didn't have time to change into anything else. I positioned myself in front of Camille. The way it should've been done the first time I asked. Going down on one knee I felt ready.

"Camille. Open your eyes."

And she did as I told her and gasped the second she saw me.

"Logan..."

"Camille Roberts, would you like to marry me?"

"No..." She said.

"My heart dropped for a moment but before I could ask why someone else answered for me.

"What the hell girl say yes!" Carlos said bursting in with the others.

"Yeah, I mean seriously he had the guts to actually put a ring on it. You might not find that again." James said equally agitated as Carlos.

"Camille! Say yes."

"Can you guys let me finish?" Camille asked not at all shocked that they were listening in the first place.

She turned back to me and smiled.

"As I said no, I would not _**like**_ to marry you because there's not a lot to _**like**_ about being with you. But on the other hand I would _**love**_ to marry you because I _**love**_ each and everything about you. So yes, Logan Mitchell I would love to marry you."

I slipped the ring out of the box and onto Camille's finger. It wasn't as loose as I expected it to be so we didn't have to do much resizing to do.

The ring was a simple silver band with forever engraved on it and was once my mother's. It was something my dad gave to me years ago as a little reminder of her. He always said the day my mom came back he would come looking for the ring to give to her. That was nearly 10 years ago.

"I love you." Camille said smiling.

"I love you too." I answered giving her a kiss.

"Aww" I heard Carlos exclaim as he and James hugged.

"You know Logan, we just made up and got engaged all at once. You do know what that calls for." She said smirking.

I was confused for a moment and it seemed like everyone got it before I guys chuckled at first before Jo pushed them out of the room and out of the apartment.

Then it all clicked.

"Make up/ Engagement sex?" I said before locking my door and scooping her up.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. Also thanks for getting me into the 3 digits! Thanks IluvBTR166. You may not like my choices when it comes to my story but you still read no matter how bad it gets. And you are a good you are my 100th viewer. Anyway, please review everyone!**


	27. Au Revoir Goodbye

_**Camille**_

Engaged to be married.

Something I never imagined for myself. I honestly never thought we'd really get to the point where he'd be on one knee but boy was I proven wrong!

The past two weeks were troubling yet fun in a way. Logan and I tried to fit as much time in together all while getting ready for tour. I decided that I really didn't want to start planning the wedding any time soon.

Logan, of course, took that as a sign that I didn't want to marry him and that really wasn't the case at all. I wanted to get some things situated first before planning the actual ceremony and stuff.

After explaining that to him he was fine. But that didn't stop the fact that he still had to leave for 2 and a half months for tour.

Which is how I ended up awake at four in the morning helping the guys get situated at their apartment. They were to leave for tour in an hour and a half and they barely had anything packed.

"So explain to me what the**_ hell_** you guys were doing that made you forget to pack?" Jo said angrily as she sat on James' suitcase full of hair products while he attempted to zip it up.

"**_I_** remembered to pack. **_They_** didn't." Logan said emphasizing the fact that he was the only one remotely ready.

"Jo, be careful! These are my hair products."

"_**Shut up**_ James."

I watched as they continued fighting over James' bag completely amused. I found it hilarious what Jo and James managed to argue about.

"Kendall! Tell your girlfriend that my beauty products cost more than her!"

"Kendall! Tell your best friend that no normal guy cares about his beauty products!"

Kendall completely ignored them as he sat and ate a corn dog with Carlos a few feet away from me. It was all up to Logan now to make sure that they didn't kill each other. I was definitely not getting into this.

I played with the ring on my finger nervously as I looked at Logan. I always felt anxious when I touched the ring. Sometimes I wondered if I forgot about it for just a second would it suddenly disappear?

I needed some space for a moment so I hopped done from the chair I was sitting on and tried to get out of the apartment. Not easy when Logan wants to know everything I'm doing. It wasn't controlling but it wasn't too convenient either. He always wanted to make sure that I was safe and protected.

Yet, he still didn't know that I needed to be protected not from everyone else but from myself.

"I'll be back guys. Make sure no one kills anyone while I'm gone."

Everyone momentarily stopped acknowledging what I said and than resuming their positions. I was happy that they easily let me slip away with no questions asked.

I got to the apartment and immediately got on the couch and relaxed. I felt so tired and I knew why. I hadn't had a solid eight hours of sleep in awhile. The most I had been getting was 3 hours. Everything seemed somewhat normal all of sudden. The boys going away to tour, Jo working and me finally getting some auditions (much to my dad's dismay). My body had gone back to it's original size, so that was a plus too.

All was well, yet I couldn't stop that feeling inside me that everything was alright but me.

I sighed as I stared at the ceiling. I'd already reached the point of acceptance when it came to Logan leaving but I couldn't help but be sad know for the next couple of months I'd be sleeping alone.

"Having fun?"

I jumped up a bit surprised when I heard his voice echo through the apartment. I really didn't for him to come find me.

"The best time ever." I said laying back down.

I heard his footsteps come closer until he was hovering over me. He got done on his knees and laid himself down onto the wooden floor. The only thing heard was our even breathing.

"He's going to miss you a whole bunch Cam."

"I know. I'm going to miss him, too. I'm going to miss all of you."

I looked over at him and saw that he was doing the same to me.

"I'm going to be alright Kendall."

"I know you will be. I'm just afraid of what will happen when you're alone."

"I won't be alone, I'll be working. I'll have Guitar Dude, the Jennifers, Katie..."

"And at night?"

I didn't answer that. He seemed to know that the night was my weakness. I never knew what to do with myself at night.

"Please go see someone. Anyone. Just don't hold it all in. Or call me."

"Logan will be suspicious."

"No, he won't. He just wants to help you. So do I."

I got up from the couch knowing that my break was over. I helped Kendall up and we both made our way back to the other apartment.

We walked into a scene that was completely expected. James was hiding under the counter holding a bunch of Cuda products, Carlos was eating, and Jo was on Logan's back trying to get past him and to James.

"Guys!"

They all froze. Jo glared at James before getting off Logan. In turn, Logan ran to hide behind me and James checked his hair as Carlos looked through the fridge for more food.

"What are you doing?" Kendall asked.

"He accused me of not being a natural blonde!"

"She called me a pansy!"

"She tried to kill James and I!"

"We're out of corn dogs!"

Kendall and I looked at each other and at the scene before us and then at Jo's hair.

"You're not a natural blonde?" Kendall asked stupidly.

"Yes, I am! Look at my roots!" Jo said as Kendall examined them.

Meanwhile Logan decided that it was safe to come out from behind me.

"You alright, honey?" I asked.

"I am now that your here." He said thoughtfully as he wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled my neck.

"I'm going to miss you."

"Me too, Camille."

"Don't worry. I'll try to tuck you in every night by Skype, E-mail, or phone call."

"Promise?"

"Of course. But only if you can promise me that you'll wait for me and not fall in love with someone else."

"I promise, Logan.

* * *

**_AN: Thanks for reading. Next chapter will be set about two weeks into the guys' tour and a big thing will be revealed._**

**_Hint? Mother. Better yet. Camille's mother._**

_**Review. Tell me what you think.**_


	28. Because of You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush (both show and group) nor do I own Google.**

* * *

_**Two weeks later**_

_**Camille**_

Much to my dismay, I hadn't booked any roles that I had auditioned for. I was disappointed, yes, but at the same time knowing I was doing something was better than sitting in my apartment waiting for Jo to come home all while doing nothing.

Logan and I had been communicating in just about every way we said said we would. He would text and call every night and day and vice versa. When he had enough time we would video chat and tell each other about our days and our adventures.

He was happy and I couldn't help but be happy for him. I could be happy for everyone else but never myself and I couldn't understand why. I had looked into therapy and found some really good therapists to look into. But I made no final decision in actually signing up for appointments.

Kendall had also been texting me, which wasn't really a surprise. James and Carlos sent me texts also but Kendall's texts always seemed to have more meaning behind them. I was pretty sure Logan wasn't aware of all the texts and for that I felt guilty.

I wasn't technically cheating since there was no romantic feelings involved but I still felt like I was lying. Kendall was merely checking in on me making sure that I wasn't getting myself into any trouble.

And really I wasn't. Had I stopped cutting? Not necessarily and the need was getting more and more heavy the longer I went without.

I started having minor panic attacks. They were only a few minutes long but seemed hours to me. Whenever I felt anxious or even went two days without a slice of the blade I had a newfound tendency to panic.

One of those times happened to be right now. It was late afternoon and Jo was stuck at the studio due to a few extra night scenes that required actual night. Outside looked horrible and as much as I wanted to go to the roof I knew it was too risky because of the storm that was coming so I was stuck inside alone.

I knew being alone for too long could cause me to really do something wrong to myself. My cutting had become more reckless and I couldn't care less how deep I was going and it was scary yet exhilarating.

I shook the tempting thoughts from my head and decided it would be best to go over to my dad's. I sent Jo a text telling her where I was and how I might not be back home tonight if the storm got bad. And for good measure I left a note on the counter where she could easily see it when she came in.

I grabbed my phone, keys and a hoodie and made my way out.

The drive was a lot quicker than usual. There weren't many storms in LA but this one had everyone on alert. No one should be out past seven which is when the storm was supposed to begin. It wasn't a hurricane or tornado but the rains were supposed to cause major flooding.

It was only 5:30. So I felt as if I had plenty of time to visit and be back before the storm really started.

I didn't bother knocking on my dad's door. I got out my keys and entered his apartment.

The apartment had recently been cleaned. The fact confirmed by the scent of bleach roaming the apartment.

"Dad, I'm here!" I yelled as I made my way to the counter.

I put my phone and keys down and headed to the fridge in hopes of finding an ice cold Dr. Pepper waiting for me. Sadly, there was none.

I noticed that I still had yet to hear from my dad.

"Dad? I'm home." I said yelling down the hallway.

I walked down the hallway and towards his room. I gently put my ear to the door. I could hear him talking to someone but I had no idea who it was. I couldn't understand one word so I knocked on the door so he could know that I was there.

"Dad," I said while knocking, "It's me Camille."

It was silent for a moment before the door opened to reveal my father.

"Hi sweetheart, what um brings you here?" It wasn't like he was out of breath but his voice seemed to crack a bit.

"I- I just stopped by. I was home alone and I thought I'd see how you were. Are you alright?"

He exited the room and I followed him as he went into the kitchen. I took a seat at the counter and looked at the mail.

"Yeah, I'm fine what about you?" He took out a beer and took out some Coke for me.

"Yeah, I'm hanging in there."

I looked through some bills and a couple of postcards from people on my dad's side of the family. One letter in particular was bulky and the name surprised me a bit.

The letter was addressed to me but that wasn't the weird part about it. It was from my mother. My actual mother. The one who left all those years ago.

I looked to my dad who was looking at the letter angrily.

"Camille, give it to me." He demanded. He held out his hand in anticipation. But I wasn't giving in all that easily.

"No. Dad, I want to read it. Why would she send this to me all of a sudden? It could be important."

"I said no." He reached for the letter and I hopped off the chair I was sitting on.

On rare occasions, my dad gets really angry with me. Like when he found out about me dating Logan, or when he found out I was pregnant but this time he was really scaring me. Why won't he let me have this? And then I instantly felt stupid.

My dad was only a few feet away from me now and I held the letter closely.

"She's been writing me hasn't she? Hasn't she?" My tone was now just as demanding as his was.

He stopped for a moment and sighed.

"Camille, I refuse to argue with you. Now hand me the letter."

"No. Dad, just let me see what she has to say. I'm owed this much."

The next thing I knew I was on the floor. My face stinging yet the letter still clutched in my right hand. My dad standing over me. The only noise in the apartment being my father's voice.

"You are owed this much? What about me huh? I did everything for you. I supported you and sacrificed my whole world just so you could have some one in a million Hollywood dream! That bitch doesn't care for you. I do."

I stared back at him as he kept up his rant and I couldn't believe it. My dad had never layed a hand on me before. I've been punished but my dad has never done that to me. Sure, my mom did it once but that was a whole other thing.

I couldn't understand why he was so mad at me. I just wanted to see the letter and possibly the other letters that he's hidden from me.

"How many more are there?" I asked interrupting him.

He shook his head in defeat and moved towards his room. I followed behind closely as he reached into his closet for several shoe boxes. One after the other he put them down.

No emotion. No words. No compassion.

There were about seven shoe boxes. All the same size. All with lids covering them.

"Take them. Take them all." He stood in a corner in his room as far away from me as possible.

"These are all from her?"

I gasped when I saw how many letters were really in there. There had to be a little over 50 in each one. Birthday cards, Christmas cards and just plain old letter. Each letter seemed to be a tad bit bulky which made me assume that she had written more than just some lousy little note.

Then more revelations hit me. All this time I thought that I was abandoned. That she simply didn't want me. But she did.

"She left you, not me. And you knew that. You saw how bad it hurt me for years. And yet you said nothing. You made me hate her when this whole time she never stopped loving me. Sure, she wasn't the best mom but god dad she was mine!"

As I looked through the letters I realized something else. Her addresses seemed to change. From Connecticut to California. Which means she most likely followed us to California.

I looked over at my dad in the corner. He was looking at the shoe boxes in disgust.

I walked out of the room and into the hall closet where I had left an old duffle bag of mine for safe keeping. I went back into the room and began stuffing the boxes in and thankfully they fit.

I didn't bother looking back at my dad. I just walked out of the apartment. He didn't bother to stop me. I had really lost track of time and almost didn't notice it had started to rain. It wasn't too bad so I took the risk of driving back to the Palm Woods.

When I got into the parking lot I grabbed my duffle and looked around for Jo's usual parking spot to see if she was home. And of course her car was.

The lobby wasn't as packed as I thought it would so I guessed that most residents had made it back to their apartments. I took the elevator to my floor and made it to my apartment right as a loud crack of thunder rippled throughout the hotel.

I could hear Jo talking on the phone to someone in her room, so I decided not to bother her. Yet.

Right now was not the time for me to be alone but I had some arrangements to make. I hid the duffle under my bed and took a quick look in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed and I still had the red mark from my dad's slap.

I turned on my laptop and paused for a moment. Everything just beginning to sink in.

I had been lied to. I never thought it would get this bad but it did. This whole time I thought my mom was the bad guy and my dad was superman but now I no longer knew the position of either.

I silently thanked God that I had remembered to take my cell from off my father's kitchen counter as I left. I grabbed it and texted Kendall.

_U were right. I do need help._

The text sent out and I waited for an answer. My laptop had finally opened and I searched Google. I knew what I needed and I couldn't believe that I was doing this. Again the feeling of stereotypes hit me hard. I copied a few numbers down and then cleared all my history just in case someone decided to figure out what was going on.

The anxiety was coming in strong but I had to fight it. I could feel my breathing quicken a bit as I realized just how much I wish I was six feet under right now. I wanted to be gone so badly.

I curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth as I waited for the urge to pass but it was literally like I was burning.

Everything kept playing into my mind. All the lies, the heartbreak, everything was really beating into me now. I had no one to hold me and tell me it was okay. At least no one I could trust.

How many other people had lied to me?

I heard beep coming from my phone indicating that I had gotten a message.

_What happened? Are you alright?_- Kendall

_Hey sweetheart, everything alright? Heard a storm was coming. Stay safe. And call me when you can. I love you._- Logan

I smiled a little. Logan. Kendall. Jo. Carlos. James.

They cared. They loved me. My mom loves me. Or at least cares in someway for me.

That's why I have to do what I have to do...

"Camille?" I heard Jo call.

I quickly texted responses to both boys before getting up and opening the door for Jo.

I literally jumped into her arms for a hug.

"Hi to you too Camille. I know it's a bit scary having the power out but it's not bad. I gotta a flash light."

I looked around and wondered just how I missed the fact that the power was out?

"Thanks Jo."

"For what?"

"Dealing with me. Living with me. Being there for me. Everything."

"No problem. That's what friends are for."

* * *

Okay, so here it is. Took me awhile to write but I got it done. Turns out i have summer reading to do and school opens in two weeks and I haven't done any of it. I am so screwed and this may be the last update for awhile just in case I get punished but please review and tell me what you think.

Next chapter will be from other people's point of view and I've already started. You all must be wondering what Camille is going to do next. Well that's for me to know and you to find out.


	29. Clingy

**Basically this chapter is the same as last chapter but it's in Kendall's and Logan's POV. This seems a little rushed to me but I'm trying. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.  
**

* * *

**Two weeks Later**

**Logan**

"Carlos! Don't touch my Cuda!" James yelled.

"Seriously, do you know how wrong that just sounded?"Kendall yelled from the couch.

"Do I look like I care?" James retorted back.

For the past two weeks of our tour that's all I had been hearing. Carlos touching things he shouldn't, James yelling at Carlos, Kendall then yelling at James for yelling at Carlos and finally I step in to make sure no one is critically injured before the show.

"Can you guys just chill for like 10 minutes?"

I was sitting next to Kendall checking some things out online. Tour had been going fairly well but I couldn't help but miss Camille and the Palm Woods.

That was the most logical explanation I could find to explain why I was searching every celebrity gossip site for Camille news. So far, none. For some reason out of all our celebrity friends, Camille always managed to keep her life hidden from the media. The pregnancy was just a tiny slip up, which was very rare.

"Seriously, man? You're actually looking through gossip sites to see what's going on with your girlfriend?" Kendall said peering over my shoulder.

"Damn, Logie. You've got it bad!" Carlos said laughing as he plopped himself between Kendall and I.

"Logan, just call her. I mean she's not even your girlfriend anymore. She's your fiancee. If you wanna talk to her than call her, email, text do something!" James said coming in.

I looked from Kendall to Carlos and to James(who for some reason decided to take pictures of himself AGAIN). They were right. I just didn't want to look like the clingy overprotective type. I mean technically there wasn't much change between us besides the ring. The ring just made everything official.

"And if she doesn't want to talk to me?" I questioned.

"You'll think of something." Kendall reassured me.

_Click. Flash._

"And if I don't? What if I mess it up?"

"You're not going to mess anything up. You're like 2,000 miles away from LA right now. What's the worst you could do?" Carlos answered.

_Click. Flash._

"I don't know guys. I just don't want her to walk away from me. What if one day she wakes up and decides she doesn't love me anymore? It's possible. I should know. My mom did it before."

"Logan, is that what this is all about? Your mom? Do you think that if Camille leaves you, you'll end up like your father?"

"Kendall, history repeats itself. All the damn time. What if that's what happens?"

_Click. Flash._

"James!" The three of us and a couple of other band mates yelled.

"What? You guys know I have to have my daily picture time!"

"Really? Like seriously, you're making me question your manhood." Carlos said trying to get the camera from James.

They wrestled each other for awhile before taking the rest of their argument to the back of the bus. Leaving me to ponder my thoughts and Kendall to convince me otherwise.

"Logie, you're not like your dad. Nor is Camille like your mom. You have to accept that."

"But, Kendall..."

"No Logan, Camille needs you now more than ever and doubting her won't help her."

For a second I was confused. I looked at him for a second and realized just how concerned he was. A little too concerned.

"Anything, you wanna tell me buddy?"

His look changed and before I could really decipher what he was thinking he spoke.

"Nope. Nothing at all. Just saying you two have been through a lot together. You too have history. Don't let the past ruin that."

I didn't push anything. We sat in silence for a minute and before I could say anything else Kendall's phone beeped. He took out his phone and stared at the screen before typing furiously into his phone. Concern evident on his face.

I didn't want to intrude but I couldn't help but feel a little anxious about his actions. I took out my own phone and texted Camille for good measure. I had to know that she was okay. I heard about some bad storm on the west coast and it was supposed to it LA pretty hard.

_Hey sweetheart, everything alright? Heard a storm was coming. Stay safe. And call me when you can. I love you._- Logan

* * *

**Kendall**

_U were right. I do need help._

I was baffled when I saw that text from Camille. Terrible thoughts sprung through my head as I stared at the screen. What if you cut again? What if she's been cutting since I last talk to her about it? What if she cut too deep and is dying? I began typing at a ridiculously sloppy pace and I had to rewrite the text. In that time Logan had already been toying with his phone.

_What happened? Are you alright?_- Kendall

I sat back and waited for her text. I needed the text from her. I needed to know she was alright.

"Is that Jo?" Logan said pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I said looking around.

"Your phone. It just beeped." And at the same time his did too.

I looked at the screen and it wasn't Jo but Camille. The text that I was anxiously awaiting. I looked over once more at Logan and he was staring at his screen probably texting Camille too.

"Yeah, it's Jo."I lied smoothly.

I looked at the text and sighed in relief.

_I'm fine. I know now what I have to do. Thank you. Don't tell Logan. I'm getting some help. Only you know please keep my secret.-Camille_

I was happy that she was getting help but afraid at what cost. I was willing to keep her secret but I don't know what might happen. My only wish is for Camille to get better and Logan's friendship with me to stay strong. God only knows how badly this could end for us.

* * *

**Logan**

_I'm good. I miss you and I love you Logan. The storm isn't that bad and I'm with Jo. Don't worry about me. Take care of yourself. I love you.-Camille_

I smiled as I texted her a reply back. All my negative thoughts extinguished. I looked over at Kendall's tense form. His mood swings were a bit confusing.

I managed to convince myself that it was just something between him and Jo and that it'll be resolved in time. I realized just how quiet it was on the bus and decided to make sure James and Carlos hadn't managed to kill each other.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Just a quick question. Should I make James or Carlos gay or bisexual? I have no idea for love interests for them and I thought since they both are single they could have a chance of being together. Leave a review and tell me what you think. I'll basically put it to a vote.**


	30. Trips and Breaking News

**I will not be making Carlos nor James gay/bisexual. It was a suggestion I was PMed about from a reader and I wanted to know what my readers though of it. I decided against because that would throw off the rest of the story completely. So thanks for your opinions and I hope you like this chapter. **

**And like I said they are still straight. No mix-ups! Plus, writing slash is not easy from what I heard.  
**

* * *

**One Week Later**

**Monday Morning**

**Camille**

I had to believe that everything after this would get better. If I didn't find away for myself to believe that than I would be really screwed.

I was scheduled to leave in an hour and I had everything packed and ready that I would need. I was allowed to bring my phone but wasn't permitted to use it during my time there. My laptop had to stay home and really all I was going to need was clothes and a few personal items. I opted for my ring, a few pictures, and some of Logan's clothes. Things to remind me of my friends and my lover. I even had a picture of my mom. It was old but still beautiful.

It would help me remember why I was doing this and who I was doing this for.

I had written each of them a letter telling them where I was going and when I'd be back. I could've called or texted or emailed but too many questions would be asked and I still didn't have the answers. I would be gone for 8 weeks and the guys' tour would be over a day or two before I was released.

That was good in my opinion since then maybe that'd give us a fresh start.

I put each letter in its rightful place. Jo's letter on her night stand. Big Time Rush's letters on their kitchen counter and I put my mom's letter in the mailbox hoping she'd get it soon.

An hour later I was walking through the front door of the center. The reception desk was in the center of the room and a nice-looking woman was sitting typing away at her computer. She looked up and smiled when she saw me.

"Hi, welcome to Toluca Lake Rehabilitation Center. Guessing by your bags you're not a visitor?" She asked.

"No. I'm a patient. Camille Roberts. I called about a week or so ago."

She nodded in recognition and led me down a hallway.

* * *

**Fast forward a few days later**

**Logan **

**Friday night**

It was supposed to be a calm night. After rehearsing all day for a concert that ended up being canceled we were surprisingly alright with not doing a show.

I was sitting next Kendall watching the Soup when I got a phone call.

When I looked at the caller ID, I was surprised to see that Jo was calling me and not Kendall. I picked up though thinking that she had just made a minor mistake and pressed the wrong speed dial.

"Hello?"

"Logan!" Her voice came through as panicked and I quickly became alert.

"Jo, what's going on?"

Before she could answer Carlos came in and put the volume on the tv higher so everyone on the bus could hear. I looked at him annoyed but he didn't seem to notice because his eyes were glued to some breaking news on the tv.

"Jo, I can't hear you." I said at the same time Kendall tapped my shoulder and said "Logan, look."

The same time I looked at those brown curls on the tv screen Jo's voice came in loud and clear even though she was crying.

"Camille's gone. She entered a rehab center."

I dropped the phone and watched as the news came in.

"The fierce Hollywood starlet has gone where many have gone before her. As you can see from the picture of her entering Toluca Lake Rehabilitation center with her bags she has entered rehab. As you all know, she recently lost her baby to an unfortunate miscarriage and was apparently very broken after that according to our sources."

The bus was dead silent and I could feel everyone's eyes on me all except for Kendall's. He put a comforting hand on my shoulder but said nothing.

She didn't tell me. Yet, I still should've known. What could she have been dealing with that she couldn't tell me about?

"Logan?" Carlos called.

"How could I have not known?"

"Logan, it's not your fault." James said.

"But I should've known. I made sure that she was happy and that she was alright but she still ended up in some shitty center all alone. Who's going to call her every night and tell her how much they love her and how beautiful she is? Whatever she's dealing with she couldn't have been dealing with it alone. Someone had to have known." I accused.

"We didn't or we would've told you. Jo doesn't know. And Camille's is one for secrets. She probably didn't want anyone to know she had a problem but get help for it before it got too out of control." James reasoned.

"He's right." Carlos agreed.

"Someone had to have known. We were with her 24/7."

"Don't worry about it now. Let's just wait for some more news on Camille. Let's call Jo." This time it was Kendall who answered. He picked my phone up from the floor and handed it to me.

"You're right. At least I have you guys."

* * *

**So now you guys know! Yes, I put Camille into a rehab center. I actually didn't intend to do this. This was something I literally thought of during chapter 23 and realized how well it could fit into the story. Thanks for reading and next chapter will be up by Monday!**

**Shoutout to thepassiontoread! THanks for reading and reviewing my dear.  
**


	31. Can't shake the feeling

**Kendall**

I should've expected this. I should've known that this is where she would go. This was her only choice.

Yet, that did not make me feel better about any of it. I, Kendall Knight, have done the ultimate betrayal. Why didn't I just tell him? Why did I get involved in this in the first place?

Logan had been a nervous wreck since he heard the news. We had been able to get to rehearse and perform with us but any other precious moment he had to spare was put on Camille. Jo had rescheduled a couple of shooting dates and had come to tour with us. With her she brought letters that Camille had left each of us before she had gone.

That was two days ago and I still had yet to open mine. I can only imagine what she has written to me. The letter burns in the back of my pocket. I plan to read it. I do but not now. Not here.

I checked my phone for texts or missed calls and realized I had about five. All from Katie.

Everyone on the bus was sleeping still and we were already at the arena that we were playing tonight. I took this as an opportunity to get out of the bus and call Katie back.

After I was a safe distance away from the bus. I found a safe place by the entrance of the venue.

The phone rang about three times before Katie decided to finally pick-up.

"Hello?" Her voice said filling my ears.

"About time you picked up Katie. I'm like freaking out here!"

"Well, Kendall, if you had answered any of my calls or texts than maybe you wouldn't be freaking out! I mean seriously. I've been calling you for days now!"

"Look, Katie, I know but it's been a tough time out here. Camille in rehab has things out of whack."

"Things are out of whack or you are?"

"Both! Now Katie help me! I lied to my best friend Katie! He's already suspicious that someone knew about Camille and that someone is me or rather us."

"Oh no big brother. As much as I love you I am not in this."

"What do you mean? You're the one who told me not to tell Logan!"

"And? Why the hell did you go listening to me for? Then again, I didn't think she would end up in the nut house."

I sighed. That's just fan-fucking-tastic. My whole friendship is in the hands of my little sister, not to mention she's not willing to help me in the first place!

"Kendall, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here Katie. Look, I just don't know what to do."

"Camille couldn't have just left without some plan. She had to have told you something in that letter."

Katie was right. May be the letter could tell me what to do.

"Wait a minute. How do you know about the letter?"

"Oh, well about that. The same day Camille went to rehab she stopped by. She told me to make sure all of you got your letters. And she told me that if some lady comes looking for her tell her she's be back soon."

"What lady? And why did she tell you?"

"I don't know the answers to either of those questions but I do have a copy of a picture of the lady. And let me tell you this lady looks like Camille. Or rather Camille looks like her."

"Whatever, Katie. It must be important so just keep a look out. What am I supposed to do about Logan?"

"Read the letter and then you can tell me. Until then I gotta go. Mom should be up soon and she would kill me if she knew I was involved in this."

"Alright, I'll call you when I can. Bye."

"Bye, brother. Good luck."

"I'm going to need it." But it was too late she had already hung up.

I took out the letter that was stashed into my pocket and sat at the pavement. Camille's neat writing scribbled on the envelope.

"Please tell me what to do."

I tore open the envelope and began reading.

* * *

**Logan**

_Dear Logan,_

_You might be pissed or upset or guilty as hell and I am so so sorry. I know that I never told you everything was wrong but I couldn't. And before you get mad let me tell you why. Logan, no matter what you say, you are the rock in the relationship. You are my rock and I couldn't do that to you. When we lost LJ it hit me so hard that I didn't know what to do with myself. It was like I had finally found something to live for and then it was just taken away from me. Then I started to realize that I had you. That I always had you._

_And you and all our friends are the reason I had to go. Before I continued on I had to fix myself. And it took a lot to make me realize that. I love you and I do intend to marry you. Let me get back to that happy girl you fell in love with and hopefully still in love with. Within a month you should be able to come visit me if you want. Bring the others if they want to come too._

_As I write this, I realize that i have yet to tell you why I'm in rehab in the first place. I've been depressed. And it would've been worse if you hadn't gotten everyone to keep me occupied. But I've cut myself on several occasions and I wanted to die. I wanted it so badly. But I managed to figure out I need help._

_This letter isn't a goodbye but more like a heads-up. It's me telling you that I hope you'll wait for me and continue to love me and when I get out I promise you I'll be better. I know I've written many pages to you but this page is the most important one. Please wait for me. If you don't want to I understand. I'll give you the ring and let you go._

Even after reading the first part of her letter, I couldn't help but be mad at her. She was hurting this much but she couldn't come to her soon-to-be husband? What kind of bull is that?

Still, I understood why she did it. She's always trying to put people's needs ahead of hers. She was trying to protect me but I didn't need any protecting she did.

"Logan, don't beat yourself up over this. That's not want Camille wants you to do. We should all be proud that she made such a strong decision by herself." Jo said coming to sit down.

"How sure are you about that Jo? I mean it's Camille we're talking about. She's smart but at the same time, she had to have something or someone snap some sense into her. And I wish I knew what or who that was."

"Are you sure you're just not trying to put the blame on someone? I mean who could she have gone to?"

I couldn't answer her. Because I didn't have an answer. I just didn't want to believe that Camille found someone else. She said she wasn't leaving me but I still couldn't shake the feeling.

* * *

**_Kendall_**

As I opened the letter my hands shook and my mind slowly wrapped around the idea of what was really going on.

_Dear Kendall,_

_Thank you. For so many things that you did. You helped me and kept my secret even though it must've tore you inside. I have only one more favor to ask of you. Please, talk to Logan. Tell him the truth before it's too late. He's not stupid Kendall and I know this might be really bad when you tell him but if he finds out from anyone but us it'll be way worse._

_I don't want him to get the wrong ideas. He knows the basics. I already told him why I'm going to the treatment center but not who helped me figure this all out. You guys' are the best of friends and I know you guys will get through this but please talk to him._

_I realized that maybe it was fate that I had my period that day and stayed home. Same with you forgetting the tickets. You were meant to help me and that's what you did. I'm going to get better and hopefully everything else does too. I love you Kendall. I love all you boys because you all are my brothers. Well, except for Logan since you're not supposed to have sex with your brother and plus I love Logan a lot more than I love you guys. No offense but Logan is the one for me. If he needs proof show him the letter and tell him everything and don't leave one detail out. _

_You did nothing wrong Kendall. You are the fearless leaders. A true Knight in shining armor. Take care of Jo for me. I'll be home soon._

My hands were shaking violently now. It's like she thought of everything. She knew what her actions would lead to. SO she planned this out. Even if she didn't try to, she still did.

I found myself walking at a quick pace to the bus. I didn't care if he was sleeping the guilt was killing me. Luckily, when I arrived back at the bus he was up and him and Jo were on the Internet looking curiously at some web page.

"What if someone knew? What would you do? Especially if they had good intentions." I don't know why I wasn't out of breath but I could hear my heart beating loudly.

"Kendall, what?"

I handed him the letter and I sank to my knees in front of him.

"I'm sorry. She didn't mean for me to find out. No one was supposed to know. And-"

I paused as he held a finger up to silence me. His eyes widened as he read more and soon his heads were shaking also.

"Oh my God." Logan said as he stared back at me

* * *

_**Cliffy! Thanks so much for all wonderful reviews and readers. And thank you to all the people who put me and my story in their alerts and favorites. **_

**GhostGirlMD! I saw the banner and girl it was AMAZING. No one has ever done that for me!_ Thanks a million!_**

**_Next chapter will be up in a couple days!_**

**_Important Note: I may have said Kendall did nothing wrong in this chapter but at the same time he did. If you know of someone dealing with a problem like this talk to a parent or someone and find help for them  
_**


	32. Why?

Logan

"Oh my God."

I looked from the letter to Kendall. It wasn't real. This all had to be a dream. It had to be because this couldn't have been happening to me. Jo took the letter from my hands and began reading. I heard her gasp but didn't bother to look at her. I already knew what she was feeling.

Disbelief. Hurt. Betrayal.

"Kendall, what is this?" Jo asked.

I stared at Kendall. His lips were moving, I could feel Jo shift from the couch to kneel in front of him. I just couldn't hear a word he was saying. Everything was just slowing down for me. And then it stopped all together.

Before I knew what I was doing I pushed Jo out of the way and I hit Kendall. It wasn't just once. I kept hitting him, and he didn't fight me back either.

I had never hit one of my best friends out of pure hate like that. My fist first connected with his nose. Then his stomach and I just kept going. Hitting every piece of his body I could. Jo was trying to push me off of him but I merely pushed her back.

She was screaming and crying. My fists were covered in Kendall's blood but I couldn't stop. I just couldn't. Soon hands were all over me and I was being pushed outside of the bus and so was Kendall followed by a crying Jo.

"Logan! What do you think you were doing? You could've killed him!" It was James. James. If only he knew.

"I'm so sorry Logan. Please. Logan. I was trying to help her."

I looked at him. Not with pity, or hate, I just looked at him.

"Why? W-why?" I began sobbing and James let me go as I sunk to the ground.

"I'm sorry Logan."

By now paramedics had shown up and started treating Kendall. I was given an ice pack for both hands.

"Dogs! What the hell?" Gustavo said as he and Kelly came into the scene.

I was still crying and now it was just like I was suffocating. I wanted so badly to pass out but I just couldn't. Kendall was still yelling about how sorry he was. I just needed everything to stop.

* * *

Two weeks later

Camille

"Camille? Can you tell why you think you're here?"

I stared back at my therapist Ms. Simmons as she asked me that same question she always did.

"Do you expect me to have a different answer each time you ask me? Or are you waiting for a meltdown from me?"

"Camille, I'm here to help you not break you. You are one of those types of patients that just checks themselves in knowing they have a problem but think it'll be easy to fix it. Camille, all problems start from somewhere. I'm just here to help you find the roots."

"By asking me the same question?"

"You'd be surprised what answers you can come up with."

That was how these conversations usually ended. It's like she had a smart answer for everything. Or she just answered me back with questions. In my opinion it depended on her current mood.

"We're out of time Camille. But I'll see you tomorrow. Then maybe we can talk about the upcoming visitors your having."

I nodded and without another word I exited her office and went down the hallway to my room. As usual my door was open. One of the many rules in this place. Always leave doors open. Apparently they don't want to risk it.

I smiled as I made my way to bed. Hanging over it was a Big Time Rush poster along with a New Town High poster. I momentarily paused and looked at it before throwing myself down on the bed.

"Going to group today?" I heard someone call.

I looked up at my roommate Peggy from across the room.

"Yeah. I guess I need to. I had a little episode after breakfast this morning. What about you?"

"I'm going. Not to spill. But more to listen."

I nodded and went back to staring at the ceiling. I was getting very accustomed to the slang the patients used in my case stood for a panic attack.

"So what was it about? Like what triggered it?" Peggy said coming to sit on the edge of my bed.

Peggy was pretty straight forward with just about everyone. She said what was on her mind and in a place like this people often found that good and bad. Good for group meetings and therapy sessions. Bad for some of the really bad patients when she asks too many questions or say things at the wrong time. Something she tended to do quite often.

"One of the girls at breakfast was talking about some latest Big Time Rush news. Then one of her friends started talking about in love with Logan she was. That's when another girl pointed me out. Next thing I know the walls feel like their closing in and I had to be sedated."

"Bummer, how you feeling now? Still sober?"

Although the term sober is mostly associated with being drunk and alcohol, here sober can be linked to anything. Whether you're a cutter, anorexic, BPD the term just fits. So if you're asked "Are you still sober?" then you're being asked if you had a relapse.

"Yeah, I'm still sober. You?"

"5 months. Are you excited that your friends are coming to see you?"

"I should be and I am. I'm just afraid of what they'll think of all this. Especially Logan."

"Look, they're your friends. I'm sure if they could they would be breaking you out here. You made a decision and now they're supporting it. That's better than some people here. Some people are forced in by family and friends and some check themselves in. Like us."

I nodded. I remember first meeting Peggy a few hours after I had arrived. She was sweet and nice and I couldn't understand how someone like her could be here. She explained to me why she was here and how long she was here. Pretty soon I realized she was just like me.

After that we really hit it off.

"We have a few minutes left before group" I said checking the clock on on the bedroom wall. "Wanna get a snack?"

"Sure."

* * *

" Okay Camille, I'm giving you a choice. Your friends are waiting outside near the entrance, do you want to let them see you?" Ms. Berg the group counselor asked.

I sat on my bed and silently thought about it. They've waited this long without an explanation. Don't I owe them this much?

"Cam, look they are here to see you. That has to mean they care don't they?" Peggy asked from her side of the room.

I looked over and sighed.

"I'll see them."

Ms. Berg smiled as she led me down the hallway that led to the entrance. I could feel my heart racing as I thought of Logan. Sweet Logan. Would he still want me?

I twisted the ring on my finger for assurance.

"Go ahead dear." Ms. Berg said before leaving me for myself.

I stood at the corner a few feet away from them. They all seemed anxiously awaiting to see me. I stepped out and for a minute they didn't notice I was there. They were all stuck in their own personal thoughts.

"Are you guys waiting for someone?" I asked.

Their heads snapped up so quickly I swore they all had whiplash. . It was like they rehearsed it. All at the same time they rushed to me screaming.

"Camille!"

* * *

**Here you go. About five more chapters left! Please review. I know this had been a long journey and I know I've lost a lot of reviewers but seriously thank you for keeping up with me!**

**Next up is the group meeting and you'll find out more about Kendall and Logan  
**


	33. You're Coming Home

**Camille**

"Okay, guys I missed you too but you gotta let go sometime." I smiled as one by one they let go all except Jo.

"I missed you so much! Are you okay? How are they treating you?" She just kept going on and on with all these questions and it was hilarious.

"Jo, let her go." Logan said.

"Sweetheart please! Your hurting her!" Kendall said prying her hands away from me.

"Sorry. I j-just missed you, you know?"

"I know. I missed you, too. I missed all of you." I said making my point by looking at all of them and stopped at Logan.

He blushed and I realized he had been staring at me too.

"Camille, why don't you give them a tour? Your session isn't for about another 15 minutes. That gives you time to show them around." The receptionist suggested.

"Sure. Um, if you can't find me just ask Annie for me."

She nodded in response.

I looked back to my friends.

"So you guys want a tour?"

"Why not?" Logan replied. And with that I showed them around.

* * *

**After the tour**

**Camille cont'd**

Everything surprisingly seemed okay with everyone. We were all laughing and joking around and it wasn't like anything was wrong. It gave me an uneasy feeling.

I understood that they were supportive of me but they were just too calm. No one was asking me any crazy questions, no explanations demanded of me, something just seemed like it was up.

I decided to end the tour at my room. I probably should've started the tour with my room but I wanted to save the best for last. When we got to my room, I saw Annie with some boxes beginning to pack up. She been at the center for a few months and the had finally deemed her ready to go back to work into the real world.

"Hey Annie. Got a few people I want you to meet." I said excitedly.

She looked up and immediately smiled.

"Ahh, so I'm guessing that's the guy who put that ring on your finger huh?" She said pointing to Logan (who blushed) "And the rest of your friends."

"And you must be the girl who's rooming with Cam." Carlos said stating the obvious.

"You, are exactly right. But pretty soon she won't have to deal with me any longer." She said making a point by gesturing to the boxes.

"Oh so you're leaving the center?" Logan asked cautiously.

"Yeah. I guess they realized five months was enough."

Everyone's eyes widened a bit as they looked from Annie to me.

"Camille, you're going to be here for five months?" Kendall asked.

"Oh no. See, some people are here longer than others. Wanna explain Camille? I have to go see Ms. Berg."

"Sure, I'll see you later." I said as she passed by me.

"It was nice meeting you guys. Now I see how Camille stays so strong. Because of you all."

She left us in an awkward silence and surprisingly I felt myself start to relax. This is what I was expecting the weird silence and all sorts of questions coming from my friends.

But before I could explain anything Ms. Simmons walked into the room.

"Camille, it's time for your meeting. Are you and your friends ready?"

Without looking at them at all I nodded. We all preceded to follow her down the hall to her office. Her office could easily fit us all in there since it was pretty huge. I took a seat in the middle of the couch and Logan took the seat to the left of me and Jo took the right. The others sat on the couch across from us.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Ms. Simmons took the hint that she was going to have to start the conversation.

"Okay, everyone. I know this is weird for all of you but this is something that has become routine for Camille in the last month."

"Why are you guys not mad? You guys should be upset with me." The words just blurted out of my mouth and I could feel myself panicking a bit.

"Camille, we're not mad at _you._" Jo said as she grabbed my hand for comfort.

"Then why are you guys acting like this is okay? Why are you acting like I didn't ruin anything?"

"Because Camille we're mad at each other. We're mad at ourselves. You didn't come to any of us willingly when you had a problem." James explained.

I looked over at Kendall and saw that he was staring at the floor. No doubt that he was guilty as hell right now. AN dof course that was my fault.

"Don't be mad at Kendall either. And Logan don't be mad at Kendall. I begged him not to say anything."

"How do you know I'm mad at Kendall?" Logan asked.

"He didn't get all those bruises form dancing now did he?" I said as calm as possible.

* * *

**Logan**

I didn't hate him. I just didn't want to be near him. After our fight the rest of our tour was canceled indefinitely and we were all sent back to California. Griffen was furiously and added more dates for next year's tour. Kendall and I didn't speak with each other.

No one took sides. No one said a word to each other. Jo and Kendall remained together but I could tell it was hard for her. Knowing something that huge and not saying anything was deemed unforgivable.

"How did you know about that?" Kendall said looking up.

I stared at his face. The bruises had healed and the scars were beginning to fade but you still see them if you were looking.

"There are a lot of BTR fans around here. Therefore word spreads mighty fast." Camille answered.

"Camille, you said you were afraid of your friends' reactions to you being here." Ms. Simmons said.

It took her a minute to answer and when she did she refused to look at any of us.

"I was and I am. I did this. I tore them apart and they didn't even know. SO many things happened and I couldn't take it. I wanted to die. And I probably was."

"You said someone told you to get help. Did that same person know you were suicidal?" the therapist asked .

"You wanted to die?" I heard the words but I didn't know who it came from until I noticed everyone in the room was looking at me.

"Logan, how does that make you feel?"

"It makes me mad because I couldn't do anything about it."

"Why couldn't you?"

And before I could answer Kendall jumped up. His eyes pooling with tears.

"Because he didn't know. He couldn't know. It's not her fault she's here. It's no one's but me. I saw it I could've stopped it because I knew. But I didn't do a thing all because of a stupid promise I made. And I am so sorry Logan. It's killing me inside. I don't want you to hate me Logan. I tried to help her I did but I was scared. "

"He never knew I wanted to die. He didn't even know I continued cutting or anything about the panic attacks he never knew more than he should. He only knew of one occasion." Camille whispered.

I looked from my best friend who was sobbing on the floor to Camille who had begun to cry. Jo was now on the floor holding Kendall as James and Carlos sat there in shock.

"I couldn't help her because I didn't know how to help myself. At times I knew something was wrong but to me I thought love is all Camille and I needed to get by and it was too. Not all the time but it was. and I don't blame her and to tell you the truth I don't blame Kendall either. He did more for her then I could ever do. I'm not mad at you Kendall. I guess I'm just mad at the situation."

"Camille, isn't there something you had wanted to ask Logan when he got here?" Ms. Simmons said.

I stared at Camille and smiled at her encouragingly.

"You can ask me Camille. I still love you."

She nodded and took a deep breath.

"Do you want your ring back? I understand if you do."

I took a long look at her. I look at her curls and how nice her hair looked right now. Her cheeks were nice and full and her eyes seemed alive. It was something I realized I hadn't seen in Camille in a long time. She looked happy.

"Do you want to give it back? Would it make you feel better if you did? Would it make you happy?" I asked searching her face for any signs that that's what she truly wanted.

"No. I don't. I wanna marry you and have a life with you. You and our friends make me happy. Breaking up all those fights between James and Jo make my day. Helping Kendall think of schemes that are going to get us in trouble make me smile. Having Jo around makes me go crazy because we have way too much fun together but I love every minute I'm with her. Being able to hold your hand and say that you belong to me makes me feel like I have someone and that feeling is amazing. Kissing you and loving you and knowing that you love me back actually knowing that all of you love me the way I love all of you is what made me come here. I came here so I could keep all of you."

She looked into my eyes and smiled.

That look was all it took for me to lose control. I grabbed and face in my hands and kissed her. And it was like our first kiss all over again. The sparks were still there and seemed stronger than before.

"Awww." I heard as we broke apart after gasping for air.

Ms. Simmons, James, Carlos, Jo and even Kendall were all smiling as Camille and I made up.

"I love you Camille."

"I love you too Logan. Now apologize and hug Kendall." She demanded.

I got up and walked the short distance over to Kendall.

"I really am sorry buddy." Kendall said as we hugged.

"I am too. Especially about your face."

"I understand why you did it. It's all good."

"So when do you get out of here?" James asked.

"She can get out in the next two weeks as long as she does the out-patient program after she's out." Ms. Simmons explained.

I looked back at Camille and smiled.

"You're coming home baby. You're coming home!" I exclaimed.

* * *

**Horrible chapter. This'll be the last one before school starts. I'll try to have another up by next weekend. Please review! Sorry for any typos! At least you got what I promised.  
**


	34. Give Me Your Loving

**Hope you guys had a good first week of school or will have a good first week of school. Thank you for all the support for Learning to Love Abuse! I didn't think any of you would like the idea!  
**

* * *

**Camille**

**Release Day**

I stood in the middle of my room just looking around. I had to admit I was sad to leave yet excited to see my family again. I had tears in my eyes as I looked at Peggy's bed which had been empty for over a week now. She had been my only friend here and I felt safe with her. The last week of my treatment had been harder than the first. I had to get ready to once again function in society and I was terrified.

"Camille?" Ms. Berg called from the doorway, "It's time for your last session. Ready to go dear?"

I smiled as I took in Ms. Berg's appearance one last time. She was an old lady. Her hair practically white and wrinkles around her pale blue eyes. She always had a slight smile on her face and for some reason I found it oddly comforting rather than creepy. Today, her hair was in a bun and she wore a blue sweater and matching skirt and some low heels.

"I'm ready."

She nodded and waited as I walked over to the doorway.

"You know my dear, I think you'll do fine." Ms. Berg commented as we walked.

"Do you? I mean sure I do well in here but it's not like the outside world is like this. People are going to judge you and once people find out I was here it's going to be hard."

She was quiet for a while and I got scared. What if she agreed with what I was saying. What if I fail?

"Do you remember when your friends came to see you two weeks ago? They seemed like a pretty supportive bunch if I do say so myself. You have to remember that sometimes it's not about if they support you. It's about whether you support yourself."

"Isn't that the same as you telling me that I need to believe in myself?"

"Yeah. Pretty much. Here's your stop. Good Luck!" Ms. Berg said before leaving me in front of Ms. Simmons office.

I pondered her words before walking into the office.

She had clearly been waiting for me. She was in her usual chair and nothing about her appearance seemed different. But to me everything was.

"Camille, how do you feel?" She asked as I sat down.

I looked at her for a long time before a smile emerged.

"I feel good. How about you?"

"I'm well, thank you. So, if you will, can you tell me why you are here?"

That was it. The question that had bothered me for so long. I entered this place thinking I knew the answer when in truth I didn't. I came here with completely different intentions then the ones I'm leaving with.

"I am here because I am a cutter. I like to take prescription pills. I lost my baby and I lost me. But that was at first. I didn't lose anything because it was never really misplaced. I have a problem, sure, and this one isn't necessarily one you can solve but you can work through it. And I did. In here, I realized that even though my baby isn't here with me. He's somewhere safe."

For the first time ever Ms. Simmons smiled. She scribbled something on her notepad before ripping it out and standing up. I looked at her confusingly and waited for an explanation.

"Camille, I'd like to congratulate you. You have completed our in treatment program and are now officially released."

I looked at her skeptically. I mean this whole time she had been asking me the same question every day for like two months. Finally when I give her a clean cut answer I'm suddenly released?

"Uh...are you serious? I mean I know I'm supposed to be released today but are you saying I passed?"

She nodded. "In a way you did. Camille from reading your files and listening to your therapy sessions I can understand you better and learn why you're hear. Yet, it's ultimately up to the patient why they are here and what triggered whatever caused them to come here. You finally understood."

"So, let me get this straight if I had said that the first week I was here would I have suddenly been released?"

"Well, no but it would've made your stay and withdrawal a tad bit easier."

I nodded in understanding. "So, I'm officially released?"

"Yes, you are. Pick up any items you had to leave at the front desk and I can call you a cab or do you wanna have a family member come get you?"

I was about to answer when an idea suddenly came to mind.

"Actually...

* * *

**Logan**

For the first time in awhile I was home alone. Technically I wasn't in my apartment I was at Jo and Camille's place but still nonetheless home. I had just finished scanning the room for any pills or blades that Camille might have used or still could used. Getting her away from temptation was key right now.

I was waiting for the call that would come in when Camille was released today but for some reason my phone had yet to ring all day.

I looked at Camille's alarm clock that rested on her night stand.

4:03 PM.

Hopefully I would be getting the call soon. I missed her.

Everyone was getting ready for her arrival. Jo and Kendall had left to go pick up some of Camille's favorite foods from her favorite restaurants while James and Carlos went to pick up a few movies that she liked. Katie and Mama Knight were around to help with any last minute arrangements but so far there were none so they stayed in 2J.

I could feel myself getting anxious and every so often I found myself glancing quickly at the doorway in Camille's room to see if she was there.

"Come on Logan. She's not going to appear out of thin air. You're smart you know that." I said to myself.

I began pacing around the room and fixing things into corners and double checking random spots for any blades or sharp objects that she could've hidden. None were found.

"Whoa Logan, I thought I was the mental one in the relationship. You totally proved me wrong." I heard Camille say.

"Oh God. This can't be happening. I'm actually hearing voices? Nonetheless Camille's voice?" I said stopping.

I continued to rant to no one in particular until Camille stepped in front of me.

"Logan, I'm real. I'm right here. Baby, I'm home." She said with a soft smile.

I reached out and traced a finger around her lips as she stuck the tip of her tongue out and licked it. Okay, either I'm a vivid dreamer or she's definitely real!

"You're home." I whispered inching my face closer to hers.

"I'm home Logan." She whispered as she closed the gap between us.

Our lips came together perfectly and I couldn't help wanting more of her. It had been awhile since everything hadn't been rushed and I wanted to be slow and explore everything about her.

She finally pulled back. We had to since the need for air was closed the bed room door before coming back into my arms.

"I missed you." She said as I led her to the bed.

This time it was like she was fighting for dominance and she had won. I was too amazed at the fact that she was still mine. The fact that she was mine in general was mind blowing.

"I missed you too. Way too much." I answered pulling her down into a kiss.

Our hands were slow and sloppy. We both wanted a piece of each other. Her hands were on my chest and my hands were roaming her body just making sure she was real.

We held eye contact for a moment. Brown eyes to brown eyes speaking our own language and then we were off. Her shirt was soon on the floor and so was mine. I flipped her over and now I was on top in a way I wouldn't crush her petite body. I slipped her sweatpants off in one slick movement and then stopped.

My eyes roamed her body taking in any curve and crevice it could find. Now there was no way I could forget her. Her hands fumbled with my belt and soon they were off. We were both breathing heavily as we looked into each others eyes in agreement.

I eased into her slowly enjoying the feeling of being inside her and her gasps gave me the courage to go further. We moved in rhythm never once breaking our music. We both hit our highs at the same time. We rested there as I slowly pulled out and I pulled her close and just gazed into her eyes and she did the same with mine. We both stared at each other. Making it known that the other was real and not going anywhere.

* * *

**Meanwhile outside the bedroom door.**

"So, what do we call this? 'Make up sex or 'Just got out of rehab sex'? James asked curiously.

Logan and Camille could be heard from the living room of the apartment and neither of the other three members of BTR or Jo knew what to do.

"Let's just call it making love. What's so hard about that?" Jo said rolling her eyes.

Carlos and James looked at each other then at Jo.

"Just got out of rehab sex sounds way better!" They said in unison.

"Seriously, Kendall you need new friends." Jo said looking over at Kendall.

"Sorry Jo, I'm kind of stuck with them. Can't we just get out of here? Let's come back around seven they should be done catching up by then."

"He's right. Then I can get her to make me some food." Carlos said cheerfully.

"No Carlos! Tonight we're treating her. Plus, I'm cooking tonight." Jo added smiling.

Carlos, James, and Kendall suddenly frowned as they thought of the blonde's last attempt at cooking.

"Better yet, let's just stick with her favorite foods like Logan suggested." Kendall added hoping she would agree.

Jo thought about it and found he was right.

"Okay, off to the ATM machine and then grocery shopping."

* * *

**So this was my first attempt at smut so please don't flame too badly. I wanted this to be romantic but I highly doubt it turned out that way. **

**Special thanks to the silent readers nad all the people who added Learning To Love Abuse to your alerts and favorites!**

**Thanks to the following reviews who reviewed the story: happygirl57, prettylocks111, XxSmileyxD, GhostGirlMD, Carla, Julgan, cheyanne, squoctobird, Just Another Happy Ending, IfIRuledTheWorldOhYeah, ILikeThisStory, and Hanners Serket and any future reviewers.**

**Don't worry I will have the list of reviewers for this story too at the end. **

**Meanwhile review. Only a couple .chapters left. BTW sorry for any errors. Did not feel like spellchecking  
**


	35. Tantrum

**A lot of Camille and Logan action and James tantrum going on! Really M chapter! Hope you like it.**

**Camille**

Being back home was great and not as bad as I thought it would be. Oddly nothing had gone wrong. I did feel a bit bad that due to my rehab stint Kendall didn't get to celebrate his 19th birthday. Although he said it was fine I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty since it was my fault.

Thanksgiving was coming up so we had all decided to simply celebrate it then and I sorta felt better knowing I could easily mix the two together. It would be weird but we would make it work.

I was welcomed with open arms by everyone when I came home and it felt so good. I knew I had a strong support system. Yet, there was still a few things I had to do.

I was careful not to wake up Logan as I got out of bed. I tiptoed towards the bathroom until I was safely behind the door. I quickly got to work.

I looked through my drawers and any other corner I could find for any sign of a blade yet there was none. I then looked through my cabinet and my prescriptions were totally gone. All that was left were some Advil and Ibuprofen.

I began to panic. I had been home for three weeks yet I never once noticed any of them were gone. It's not like I had come in to use them but I had wanted to get rid of them myself almost like a sign of closure. I couldn't help but wonder where the hell my pills were.

I walked over and sat in front of the door and pulled my knees into my chest. I could feel myself start to panic and I had to stop it. I couldn't let Logan see me like this since I've been doing so well.

I was probably in that position for a good few minutes before I felt a pounding on the door and I could hear Logan's voice coming in.

"Camille? Are you alright?"

For some reason, I couldn't find the words to answer him. I didn't understand why I was freaking out so badly over this. Was I going into a relapse?

"Camille? Please answer me. Open the door." His fist once again collided with the door and this time I found the strength to get up and open the door.

His hair was a ruffled mess and he still had sleep in his eyes with a pinch of worry. He was wearing a plain white v-neck and some gray boxers. His eyes were roaming my body no doubt wondering what I had just done. Or rather in my defense had not done.

"Please tell me you didn't..." He said in a frantic voice.

I know I should have said no because that was the truth but I still couldn't find the words. He took my silence as an act of guilt and pulled me into his arms.

"No Cami. No." He whispered in my ear.

His breath was warm on my ear and his arms brought more warmth to me. All I wanted was to get back into bed and in his arms. I shook my head no trying to silently tell him that I had done nothing but my act had gone unnoticed. He was too busy whispering "no" and "it'll be okay".

I pulled away and shook my head again hoping he would understand but instead he merely picked me up and set me on the bed before hurrying back to the bathroom. I missed his warmth and felt myself shiver a bit.

"I didn't do anything. I wasn't going to." I said finally. My voice came out hoarse but th shuffling of drawers blocked it out.

A few minutes later Logan came back out. Once he got in bed I immediately snuggled closer to him taking in as much warmth as I could.

"Camille." He whispered in my ear.

Once again his hot breath sent shivers down my spine and I found myself right against him wanting as much of Logan as I possibly could.

"I didn't do anything. I was just trying to get rid of all my razors but they were gone. None of them were there."

I looked into his eyes and the sides his lips twitched.

"That's because I threw them all away. Along with your prescription. I didn't want you to be tempted when you got back."

"Thanks, it just felt weird that they just suddenly disappeared. I should have known it was you Logan."

"No problem."

We lied there once again lost in our own thoughts or at least Logan was lost in his own thoughts I just wanted him closer. I wanted his warmth. I wanted him.

I reached a slowly made my way down to the hem of his shirt. His whole body was warm and smiled. I traced the lines on his stomach and over to his boxers.

"Camille?" He said. His breathing getting shallow.

"Mmhmm?"

"What are you doing?"

I smirked. "You know exactly what I'm doing."

I attacked his lips and he immediately responded. I was finally getting my warmth and boy was it going to feel good. My hand slipped down into his boxers and Logan let out a moan. I smiled knowing that I had complete and utter control. I stroked his member, slowly teasing him. His eyes were closed and I could feel him thrusting upward in time with my strokes.

"Cam." Logan breathed out.

"You like?" I asked seductively.

"L-like would b-b-be an under...statement." He said or at least tried to say.

I smiled and gave one last stroke and then let go. I heard Logan whine in disappoint.

"Really Cam? I was close-" I cut him off by placing my lips slowly on his.

He kind of got the idea of what I wanted and soon pulled me on top of him. I pulled my tank top off and was immediately flipped over. Before I had the chance to do anything else Logan began to suck on my pulse point.

"Boy, do I love you." I said as he trailed kisses down my neck and began sucking on my nipple.

"I love you too." For a minute he stopped and just stared at me.

I stared back and I couldn't help but feel a bit self conscious as he scanned my body. There was a fire in his eyes that was intriguing and it wasn't a side of Logan I got to see often.

"You're teasing me, you know that?" I whispered.

He didn't answer. Instead he roughly took off my shorts and immediately rammed into me. Dominant Logan was always pretty sexy but sometimes it was unexpected. My back arched and he continued to thrust and I dug my nails into the skin of his back.

"I love being inside you." He said in between moans.

"Mmmhmmm." I moaned.

He began to pick up the pace and I didn't think I could go any longer. The familiar feeling in my stomach came and before I knew it both of us were both reaching our highs. Logan fell on top of me but wasn't too quick to pull out. We stayed like that for a few minutes before he slowly pulled out of me. He shifted his position so he wasn't directly on top of me. He wouldn't look at me and I could tell he felt like we got carried away. And we did. We really got carried away.

"Wow." He whispered.

I smiled in triumph. "I know right? Best sex ever!"

He blushed. "I honestly don't know what came over me. Are you okay?"

I shifted closer to him and rested my head on his chest. His heart was beating really fast and I enjoyed listening to it beat.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Better than okay actually."

"I can only imagine. What was that anyway? Were you trying to distract me Cam?"

I thought about it for a second. I didn't think of it as a distraction.

"I was just cold and you just so happened to be warm."

"Really?"

"Yup. What better way to get warm than through sex?" I said laughing.

Before Logan answer, someone knocked on the door.

"Logan! I know you're in there." James yelled.

I groaned. Why did someone always have to interrupt? Then again they did wait until we were done this time.

"What James?" Logan yelled not getting up.

"Get out here! I need to talk to you!"

"Damn, what did they do now?" I said jumping up.

I lost my balance and ended up slipping and falling to the ground. Logan sighed and helped me up as he picked up his t-shirt from the floor. Once we were both dressed we opened the door to a furious looking James.

"What did you do?" Logan and I asked at the same time.

I was afraid of what he and Carlos probably broke or set on fire.

"What did I do? Are you fucking kidding me? What about you two?" He yelled back. 

I met Logan's confused look with one of my own. It wasn't until Carlos popped up out of nowhere did the conversation get a bit weirder.

"Wow, you guys are loud. I mean good thing we have no kids around or boy would we have some explaining to do." Carlos said smirking.

"Didn't I say warn me if you're going to have morning sex? I mean what the hell? Can't a guy get some beauty sleep? Not that I need it but still any extra beauty is good in my book!" James said ignoring Carlos.

We were that loud? Hmm. I honestly didn't even notice.

"Ah man I'm sorry. I didn't know we were that loud." Logan said immediately apologizing.

It was so like Logan to apologize like that. What happened to sexy dominant Logan that was ready to do me senseless?

"Wait a minute? This is my apartment why are you guys here?"

James shot me a glare while Carlos seemed just as mad.

"Well, I would be in my room right now looking into my magic mirror if Jo and Kendall hadn't decided that they wanted our apartment for themselves."

"Yeah, we both forgot our keys and Kendall locked us out and so we had no where to go." Carlos further explained.

"Wait, I still don't get why you two are here. Better yet, how did you get in?" I asked.

"Remember the emergency key you keep hidden under the plant down the hall? Well, we used that and got in. I'm surprised you didn't hear us. James was pretty loud because Kendall and Jo made him forget his lucky comb."

I glanced at Logan and saw that he was glaring at me.

"What? Why are you mad at me?" I asked.

"I told you to get rid of that key!" He yelled.

"Well, what if there was an emergency or something? Plus, you told me not to directly give them a key. Then again it's not like I ever lock the door either way." I said defensively.

"Okay, back to me now. Seriously, I don't like to be woken up by Camille screaming Logan's name. And Logan do I even want to know what's on your shoulder of your shirt?" James said rambling.

I looked to Logan and realized that there were thin red lines from the top of his shoulder towards his back. I guess I was holding on a bit too tightly.

"Sorry, honey. I guess I shouldn't grip too tightly next time." I apologized.

He merely shrugged and kissed my forehead. "It's alright. As long as they don't get infected I'll be fine."

James gave us one last glare before walking back down the hall with Carlos. Logan and I followed them into the kitchen. The least I could do was make them breakfast. It's not like I didn't feel bad about it. I did.

James sat patiently on the couch while Carlos kept pestering Logan about our morning. Out of no where Kendall and Jo open the door. We all turned to look at them. Wearing the same clothes as last night and stupid grins plastered on their face I knew that they had a great time.

"Well, looks like everyone is getting it in lately." Carlos said chuckling.

"Want some breakfast guys?" I asked cracking an egg into the pan.

"Yes, please but let me get dressed. Don't forget to make the shopping list for Thanksgiving dinner." Jo said.

I had completely forgotten Thanksgiving dinner. Which is shocking to me since I had invited my mom to have dinner with us. I was so happy when I first heard back from her that I jumped at the thought of having a real dinner with her. Since my dad and I hadn't talked in weeks I figured it would be okay.

How could I have forgotten?

"Logan, can you finish dinner? I really should get ready. I can't believe I forgot about the dinner!"

I handed him the spatula and I noticed a slight pout on his face.

"What?"

"How do you that I didn't want to go shower with you too?" He whined.

"Really? Logan be serious! And plus if you let me go now think of all the fun we could have later." I suggested.

He blushed before nodding and resumed the cooking. I loved the way I could make him blush.

**Here it is. Thanks for reading. Two more chapters left and then the epilogue! Thanks to all who stuck by me. Please tell me what you thought. Review! BTW Happygirl57's stories Friends With Benefits and Haunted are getting so great! Not that they weren't amazing before but check it out!**


	36. What a Way with Words

**Logan**

"Logan, get your ass up now!" I heard as I felt the sun's harsh rays come into my line of vision.

I groaned. I was a bit annoyed at whoever had woken me so harshly. Before glancing at the person I looked to my clock that was resting on my night stand.

6:45 AM.

Fan-fucking-tastic! I just love being up so early in the morning.

I looked up at Camille and my irritation dimmed a bit. Not all the way but a bit. She wore an olive green strapless dress that hugged her curls perfectly. Her hair was up and make up was already done. I smiled at how stunning she truly looked.

"Morning dear." I said groggily.

She didn't bother saying anything back. She simply began rummaging through my closet for clothes and shoes.

"Ahem, good morning dear. If you don't mind me asking what are you doing?" I asked as nicely as I could.

She stopped rummaging long enough to look at me and sigh.

"Don't tell me you forgot what today is. My mom's coming remember?" Her eyes searched through mine hoping to see some familiarity. Sadly, I only began to remember when her eyes drooped tot he floor.

"Oh gosh, maybe this was a mistake. Having her meet all of you at the same time and on Thanksgiving? How stupid can I be?" She continued rambling until I got up and wrapped my arms around her.

"It's not a mistake. It'll all be fine. If it helps you look amazing." I said nuzzling her neck.

I heard her sigh and knew the next thing she said probably wouldn't be good.

"Logan, I'm not going to say anything. Just get dressed please and wake the others." Her face seemed sad almost and I felt a tinge of guilt.

This was a big deal to her. I don't know why I didn't realize it before. I watched as she walked out of my room. Shortly after the front door closed with a barely audible click.

I mentally slapped myself for being forgetful and went to wake the others.

First off was Carlos. Surprisingly, he was always the easiest to wake. I simply snatched the covers off of him and hit him a few times and he would be set. It did take a few more minutes to wake him up but in the end some cold water did the trick. As he muttered a few curses my way I walked towards Kendall's room.

I've come to learn to knock first before going into Kendall's room. You never know what the blond could be doing in there. I knocked and of course since it was like seven by now I wasn't going to get an answer. I walked in and no surprise there lying tangled in the sheets were Kendall and Jo. The blanket was pulled up to Jo's chest and up to Kendall's waist. I walked over to Kendall's side of the bed and tapped him lightly on the head.

"Jo, please we've done enough. Let me get some sleep."

I looked at Jo for a second than back at Kendall and tried tapping him again. This time his movement woke up Jo.

"Ken- whoa Logan!" She said as she jumped up grabbing the sheet with her.

Kendall soon followed but didn't jump off the bed like Jo did. I wish he had though. At least Jo was covered. Kendall on the other had not so much. I covered my eyes.

"Busy night?"

"Logan, it's seven in the morning. Why the hell are you waking us up so early! Plus we're naked!"

"One, I didn't know you'd guys would decide to flash me various body parts if I did and it's Thanksgiving so Camille told me to wake the rest of you up so we can get ready." I explained.

"Hey you shouldn't be talking you and Camille go at it like rabbits! At least Jo and I are quiet about it!" Kendall said defensively.

I slowly unshielded my eyes and found that Jo was still wrapped in the sheet but Kendall had at least put some boxers on.

"Actually you guys were pretty loud. Constant screams and crap. It was all night too. I mean seriously no wonder you guys always do it when no one is around!" Carlos said coming somewhat to my defense.

"Shut up." Kendall muttered as he handed Jo her clothes.

"Well, this is my cue to leave." Jo said before walking out of the room and out of the apartment.

We all stared at her in shock.

"Did she just leave with the sheet?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, I think she did." I answered.

"Hmm, that so doesn't happen in the movies." Carlos said.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Last but not lease James. He was always the hardest to wake in the morning. Not to mention he did go to sleep late because he went to go pick up Camille's friend Annie from the airport at midnight.

Why he offered to do it? I have no idea but he did.

"Can you guys help me wake James?" I asked.

Kendall and Carlos simultaneously nodded as we all exited Kendall's room and went down the hall to James'.

We didn't bother knocking and barged in. James' room was always unusually neat but this time various items were scattered across the floor. From Cuda products to CDs we had to carefully tip toe around the room to get to his bed.

"What the hell happened in here? James!" Kendall yelled while he tapped James' head that was covered by his thick black blanket.

Suddenly James walked into the room in only some boxer shorts. Our eyes widened as we looked from James half-naked form to the sleeping lump on is bed.

"If that's James then who's in James bed?" Carlos asked.

Right then and there the lump moved and wasn't exactly sleeping anymore. We watched as a smug smile grew on James' face as Annie's face emerged from under the blanket. Her sleepy hazel eyes watched us for a second before they grew wide in recognition.

"Oh wow! Um this is awkward." She said as she tightened her grip on the blanket more.

"James, when Camille asked you to pick up Annie I don't think she meant it like this!" I yelled.

"Logan, relax. It's not my fault. It takes two to eat a tangerine." He smirked.

"It's two to tango you idiot!" Kendall answered equally frustrated as I.

"Look, it was a mutual attraction. We couldn't help it." Annie said smiling a bit.

"Yeah what she said." James agreed.

I shook my head before walking out of James' room followed by Carlos, Kendall and James. We made it to the kitchen before I finally turned around to face them.

"James, explain why you would randomly hook up with Annie." Kendall demanded.

I was pacing now. Camille is already worried about today and now this? Someone shoot me now.

"Logan, relax. And it wasn't a random hook up either. I'm dating her."

"It is a random hook up. You've only met her one other time." Kendall exclaimed.

"Actually we've been dating for a month now." My jaw dropped as I heard the words.

"Wait, what?" Kendall and I both exclaimed.

"Whoa, good going bro!" Carlos said high fiving him.

"It's true." Annie said emerging from the hallway and over to James. He gave her a kiss on the forward before slowly embracing his hand with hers.

At least she had some clothes on now. She now wore some purple pyjama bottoms along with a black tank top her blond hair now in a messy bun.

"Okay, someone explain before Camille comes barging in here more upset than she was before." I said frantic.

I really didn't want to add more stress to her day. But of course with my luck she had to come in right there and then. The door opened and a now dressed Jo and a differently dressed Camille came in.

"Log-"Camille stopped mid-sentence as she took in the scene before her.

"I can explain!" I said holding my hands up and rushing over to her.

"Explain what? I just came to apologize but now that I see you aren't even dressed I'm second guessing the thought."

I looked back at Annie and James and then Camille and I realized that all she cared about was that I didn't get dresses yet. Hello, does she not see that her friend and James are together? Why is she not panicking.

"Why aren't you panicking? Do you not see James? He's half naked, with swollen lips and with Annie your friend. Does this not bother you?"

"Nope, why would this bother me. They've been together for like what two months?" She explained.

"Actually a month and two weeks." Annie exclaimed happily.

"Not that we're counting." James said with an equal amount of happiness.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around Camille. I kissed her gently.

"As much as I'd like to know what the hell is going on, can you guys go get dressed, Annie, Camille and I need some help in our apartment can you help us?" Jo said.

"Sure," she pecked James on the lips before grabbing Jo's hand and lead both of them out of the apartment.

"Logan, it's alright. I probably should've given you three a heads-up but I figured James would tell you instead."

"It's all good Camille. You look great today by the way." Carlos answered.

She smiled that Camille smile before grabbing my hand and walking out of the kitchen.

"Thanks Carlos."

"Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"If you want something done you have to do it yourself." She said before leading me into my bedroom

* * *

**Camille**

**Few hours later**

After somehow managing to get Logan dressed in record time, the moment I had been waiting for arrived. Mama Knight was kind enough to go meet my mom downstairs to the apartment and we were waiting by the door for her to come back. I had changed several different times and somehow Logan still managed to somehow match his outfit to mine. I had settled on a purple cotton sun dress and some black flats. My hair was now hanging down and was beginning to come down to my waist a bit. It had been awhile since I'd gotten a haircut so I put a mental note on my to do list.

"Logan, what if she doesn't like me?" I blurted out.

It's not like I had been thinking it or anything but it just came out. I quickly looked over to him and he sighed.

"Camille, would she be here if you didn't have some feeling for you? I mean she is your mother."

"Logan, being a mother doesn't actually make you instantly loving. I have very few vague good memories of her. And this moment brings me back to one of the bad ones. She always had a way of making me feel like I was a speck of dust waiting to be wiped away. I don't think she tried to but she can be very intimidating."

"How bad could it be?"

My eyes widened as he said that. If anything I've learned from not only personal experiences but television and movies too, you never say "How bad could it be?" because it always turns out bad.

Before I could even comment the door flung open and so did my mouth. There standing beside an annoyed Mama Knight were my mother and father. My mother forced a smile when she saw me and my dad didn't even bother to look at me.

"Oh dear." I heard James whisper from behind us.

"Camille? Wow, more beautiful than I could ever imagine." My mother said as she walked forward and stood in front of me.

It had to be obvious to anyone that she was my mother because I looked like her. Just a younger version of her. It was scary. Her curly hair and chocolate brown eyes were simply aged but the weird part was that she even had my infamous beauty wore black slacks and a purple cardigan.

"Hi mom. Hi dad." I said nervously. My voice cracked and it went unnoticed.

"Wow, I've wanted to hear you say that for so long." She said beaming.

"If you would've never left then you would've heard it." I heard my dad mumble.

My mom heard but chose not to comment.

"Hi, I'm Logan." Logan said as he reached out to shake my mother's hand.

My mother took his gratefully and smiled at him.

"Great to finally meet the guy who's been taking care of my little girl for a while."

"Hmm so what am I chopped liver Sara?" My dad said yet again.

Her smile fainted a bit but she once again ignored my dad's bitter attitude and continued to greet everyone else. I pulled Logan away and we silently made our way to the living room.

"This is why you never say how bad could it be!" I hissed.

"Cam, what's the worse that could happen now?" Logan said stupidly. I smacked him on the arm just as the doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?" I heard Carlos ask.

I glared at Logan before walking over to the door and opening it. There stood Mr. Bitters, I breathed a sigh of relief as I motioned for him to come in.

"Nope. I'm just a messenger. Your lover boy had a visitor downstairs in the lobby and since he's a stranger I didn't want to just send him up here so I decided to be nice enough to come up and get food and give you the message."

I frowned and silently cursed Logan. For a genius he really knew how to say the worst things.

"Who is it?" Logan asked.

"If I knew would I be here?" Mr. Bitters asked.

"Yes." I said.

"Just get downstairs. Both of you!" With that he pushed through into the apartment and went to the kitchen. I looked at Logan and he nodded.

"We'll be back everyone. There's someone in the lobby." Logan said.

"Who?" Kendall asked.

"We don't know."

"Then how do you they're in the lobby?" Jo asked.

"Bitters." Logan and I answered before exiting the apartment to meet this mystery person.

* * *

**Thanks readers! You've made it this far and now only two to go! Did I surprise you at all? Did you like it? Tell me what you think in a review! Only one more chapter left before the epilogue where it'll wrap up. If the next chapter comes out way too long I might separate it but it sort of depends. Anyway Review and don't expect another chapter until two weeks from now. I have a big Journalism project and a bunch other stupid school stuff to deal with. **

Thanks again

-Nessa


	37. Together Forever

**Camille**

I honestly couldn't help but be irritated right now. As Logan and I got into the elevator he tried several times to ease my anger but it just wasn't working. For all I know my mother and father probably have knives at each others throats right now and Thanksgiving would be ruined. Not to mention there's someone waiting for us in the lobby.

"Camille, just breathe." Logan said whispering into my ear.

I leaned into his touch as he wrapped his arms around my waist. It didn't ease the irritation but it still made me feel a tad bit better.

"Don't think about right now, think about later. Tonight. When were are all alone just you and me." He whispered once more.

I smiled as the elevator opened and the Palm Woods lobby came before us.

The usually crowded room was empty except for someone sitting on one of the couches. It was obvious he was male his dark brown hair graying in some places. He faced away from us and as I tried to get closer Logan pulled me back. I turned to him and noticed he had a look of worry.

"Logan, who is he?" I whispered. I didn't want to startle the man.

"Camille, please just stay here." He let go of my hand that he was holding and walked over quickly towards the man.

The man didn't look up as Logan approached neither did he flinch as Logan placed a hand on his shoulder when he sat down. I furrowed my eyebrows as they just sat there not talking just sitting there. It didn't even seem to be an awkward silence either it seemed old something they were used too.

"It's been a long time." I heard the man say

The silence was finally broken and the man finally dared to look at Logan just when Logan decided to look at him. My eyes immediately widened as I looked at the strong resemblance. Besides the gray hair and the wrinkles Logan was the spitting image of that man. Seconds later it all clicked for me. That man was Logan's dad. He was _the_ Mr. Mitchell.

In all my years of dating Logan I had only met his dad once. He was so nice to me and I really enjoyed that day. It had been awhile since I had seen or talk to him. He lived in Minnesota so Logan would go see him every other month but as far as I knew they still talked.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Logan's dad spoke again.

"Logan, are you going to let your lady just stand all alone over there? Camille, please sit down."

I hesitantly walked over and Logan's dad stood as I finally made my way over. He engulfed me in one of his memorable bear hugs and I hugged back as tightly as I could. The only difference between Logan and his father was their height. Logan was a decent 5'10 while his dad was like 6'2.

"Hi Mr. Mitchell. I'm happy to see you. Now you can come up and have Thanksgiving with all of us."

"Oh I just came for a quick visit. I don't mean to intrude." He said sincerely.

"Oh no." I said grabbing his hand, "You are coming with us."

I took Logan's hand too and I dragged both of them to the elevator. Mr. Mitchell still protested but I continued to shake my head showing him I would not relent. He was coming whether he wanted to or not. When the elevator finally opened and we stepped in realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

This would be the first time Logan's dad would be meeting my parents. Not to mention this would bet he first time in awhile my parents have spent this long in a room together. Crap, what the hell am I getting myself into

* * *

When we reached the apartment Logan was the first to go in, followed by his dad and then me. I expected fire and my parents both with knives in their hands as they tried to kill each other but I got the exact opposite. Ms. Knight somehow found herself in between my mother and father as the dinner table.

Mr. Mitchell was greeted by everyone and even talked to my dad too. Tension was still evident but at least no one was killing each other. Well, no one was killing each other yet.

After everyone made their acquaintances, I rushed over to the kitchen with Jo to get the food.

"So, how do you think this will all go? No offense but I don't how much longer your mom can take the little side comments from your dad." Jo said.

"Yeah, I know. As long as no food is flying I think everything will be okay. I mean seriously, if she's had this much self control all this time she can last a bit longer." I said hoping I was right.

Dish by dish and with the help of a few hands the food was served. I sat in between Logan and Jo and across from my parents. As everyone was eating and talking it was hard not to smile and just stare. For so long this is what I wanted and even though it's not under the circumstances I had thought of I still got it.

Everyone was joking and laughing just having a good time. Then Logan's dad noticed my ring.

"Logan, is that your mother's ring?" He said abruptly.

Everyone stopped talking and I could feel my hands start to shake as all eyes went to my finger.

"Um, yeah. I, uh, gave it to Camille." Logan said with his voice cracking.

"Wait, are you two engaged?" My mom asked.

Logan and I looked at each other before nodding our heads.

"Awww, my baby girl is getting married? That's so sweet, next thing you know I'll have grandchildren." My mom said excitedly.

I could feel my cheeks burn as I blushed and no doubt Logan was the same way. It was my dad who finally said something.

"You're a little late on that part." He muttered as he glared at the mash potatoes.

My mom gave him a confused look and turned to me for an explanation. Before I could open my mouth James did.

"Oh wow look at the time. It's time for cake." He said jumping up and rushing to the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, cake time. Cake, cake, cake!" Carlos said smiling too.

I thanked god for their quick thinking as I plastered the fakest smile ever on my face and got up.

"Cake on Thanksgiving?" Katie asked.

"Oh, we had to celebrate Kendall's birthday today since we missed it earlier in the month." Jo said as she cleared. the plates.

I could feel my mom's eyes on me but I didn't dare look at her. I got all the plates rounded up to make room for the cake and waited for them to bring it out.

"So, how old are you Kendall?" My mom asked.

"Nineteen. All of us guys are." Kendall answered.

My mom nodded and turned her attention back to me as I put the candles on the cake. We sang happy birthday and separated everyone's piece and somehow my mother never turned her gaze away. I thought I was being paranoid but when I looked in her direction my eyes would always lock with hers.

When there was a moment of silence, while everyone sat and made small talk my mom decided to ask her question.

"Wait, are you pregnant?" She blurted out.

Logan's eyes widened as she said that while Jo, James, Kendall, and Carlos all had their jaws to the floor. My dad was shaking his head, with a disgusted look on his face. Logan's dad was the first to speak.

"Well, congratulations. I know it was hard with LJ but hopefully everything goes fine this time." He said.

"Who's LJ?" My mom asked.

"You're pregnant?" Logan whispered.

"I'm not pregnant mom. I was pregnant three months ago but um it didn't end well." I said. It stung a bit since it was the first time I talked about my son in a long time but I managed not to breakdown.

"Wait, you had an abortion? John, you let her get an abortion?" My mom said jumping to conclusions.

I honestly see where I get my dramatics from. I sighed in frustration as my mom rambled.

"No, I didn't let her get an abortion. It's like saying I let her have sex which I didn't know about until the day she came to tell me about her being pregnant in the first place. And don't try to imply that I'm the bad parent here. I actually stuck around." My dad said yelling.

"You are bad. You never let me see her. I had my rights and you took that away from me. I wrote, called and even visited but you always managed to keep her away didn't you. How am I the bad parent if I'm here now?" My mom said arguing back.

"Exactly, you're here now! You made your decision I was just accepting it."

"How? By keeping my daughter away from me?"

I didn't even want to hear my dad's answer. I walked over to them and managed to get between them.

"Just stop. Please. It's been seven years and you guys still can't be in the same room? How sad is that? I had a damn miscarriage okay? I lost my son and yet Logan still wants to marry me. I've been fine on my own for the longest time and seriously both of you can get out if you don't act like civil human beings. I mean seriously on Thanksgiving? Then again it's you two, so I shouldn't expect anything less huh?"

"Camille-"My mom said trying to speak.

"No, let me talk. I love both of you but I couldn't take the fighting when I was nine and I sure as hell can't take it at eighteen. I love you two but I can't pick sides. For the longest I thought mom was wrong and then it was dad but both of you are just crazy yet I can't let the love I have for you two go. I am begging you to just give me this one day, even if it's an hour or two before you go home, to have both of you here equally. No hate and not necessarily love but some positivity."

I looked to my mom and then my dad and both nodded. I sighed in relief before walking over to Logan's awaiting arms. I buried my head in his chest as he held me close.

* * *

**Logan**

The night came pretty quickly and soon everyone was out of the girls' apartment. I was happy that Camille's parents both agreed to keep peace the rest of the night and even had some nice conversation with my dad.

After cleaning up, the boys and I were so tired after cleaning that we were too lazy to go back to our own apartment. I was going to stay whether I was tired or not in the first place. I couldn't leave Camille. I didn't want to.

The second I closed her bedroom door Camille pulled me into a soft kiss before leading me to the bed. I smiled at the fact that both of us were too lazy to change into pyjamas. We laid there under the covers in our clothes from earlier just staring at each other.

"Logan." Camille whispered.

"Yes" I whispered back.

Suddenly a smile came to her face as she scooted over to me so that our noses were touching.

"We're getting married."

"I know. I wanna throw you a big wedding and I want you to have everything. I want to take care of you."

"I know. But let's take care of each other. I've learned the hard way not to depend on someone for too long."

"Okay, but I'm going to protect you. No one is going to hurt you. I promise I'll try not to either. I honestly have never felt this way with anyone else. I love you Camille. I really do."

"I love you too Logan. Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want another baby?" She asked.

"Well, yeah. But I mean we should take sometime. I don't want to do what I did last time. I never wanna see you go through that again." I explained.

I didn't. It was my fault she got pregnant and had to go through all that shit after the miscarriage. I couldn't do that again.

"Wait, are you pregnant?" I asked.

"No. I'm just asking. Last time was an accident so I was just wondering just in case it happens in the future."

"Oh. You'd tell me next time around that you're pregnant right? No more secrets?" I asked.

"No more secrets."

We sat there in silence just lost completely in our thoughts. The silence was nice. I loved feeling her warmth and knowing that she was there. I didn't care if one day she stopped loving me. I'll always love her and my heart will always belong to her even if she abandons it. Which I don't think she ever will. This was the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with and I intend to do so.

For a minute Camille's eyes closed. I thought she was sleeping until she opened her eyes and spoke.

"Together." She whispered.

I smiled placing a kiss on her nose.

**"Forever." I whispered back.**

**Okay last chapter coming up in two weeks. School is kicking my ass right now so I need to focus. Thank you to the readers and reviewers of this story. All of you give me a reason to right. This chapter didn't come out exactly how I wanted but I promise I'll make it up to you. **

**Heads up, the last chapter is the epilogue and it's in the future. So they're all 21 in it. It's going to be funny and interesting and hint hint there will be and aisle if you know what I mean. So please review and tell me what you think!**

**Thanks!**

**Nessa**


	38. We are What We Experience

**Thank you to each and everyone of you. Here is the last chapter. Yay! Epilogue time! **

**Big time skip. **

**Big time rush is 21 in this and so are Jo, Camille, Annie, and surprise surprise Stephanie!  
**

* * *

**Camille**

Maybe this wasn't the best plan. I looked at the clock in the waiting room for my results. My wedding was in less than an hour and the only thing I had ready was my make-up. Sure, all of this could've waited but I couldn't spend my whole honeymoon thinking about it.

"Camille, do you mind? Watching you shake like this is making me anxious." Stephanie said.

I looked over at my friend with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry Steph. Sorry about all of this. I know how much you probably want to see Carlos and I ruined that by kidnapping you." I apologized.

She grabbed my hand and smiled sincerely.

"You really think you should be sorry about this. Carlos and I have been doing this long distance ting for a year now, another hour or two will not kill him. Plus, you're my friend. I'm happy that you trust me enough to let me come with you."

"Camille Roberts?" I heard my name being called.

"Wow, in a few hours that's the last time you'll ever be called that." Stephanie said smiling.

"I know." I said getting up.

* * *

**Kendall**

"Okay let's get one thing clear. You lost the bride?" I yelled.

My voice echoed in the empty corridor as I watched my girlfriend cringe at my words.

"Technically I didn't lose her. I just don't know exactly where she went." Jo explained.

I sighed as I watched Carlos hold James back from jumping Jo. I couldn't wait for this day to be over. All morning I'd been dealing with problem after problem and I was sick of it. Not to mention Logan is currently locked in a broom closet because we couldn't keep him from panicking.

"I can't believe she just walked out like that. Does she know how much it cost to make this wedding happen? This is like thousands of dollars I will never get back." James screeched.

"You idiot! You didn't even pay for the wedding. Logan and Camille did. Sure, you helped plan it but that's it. God, how does Annie deal with you?" Jo exclaimed.

"Can't we all just get along?" Carlos whined.

"We could if Malibu Barbie would be a bit nicer." James said glaring at Jo.

"James! Stop calling my girlfriend names!"

"Did he just call me Malibu Barbie? At least I'm not a Ken wannabe!"

"Excuse me but Ken ain't got nothing on me? Have you seen my face? The Face speaks for itself."

"You shallow bastard!"

"Fake Blonde!"

"Guys! Shut the fuck up!"

They all stopped and stared at me.

"Well, someone is a bit angry." Carlos half whispered.

"Yes I'm mad. We don't know where the hell the bride is, the wedding starts in an hour, my best friend and girlfriend are trying to kill each other and the groom is probably passed out in the closet we locked him in! I have reasons to be angry!"

"Aww sweetie." Jo said coming over to me.

She gave me a kiss on the lips before resting her arms around my waist.

"If it helps I won't kill James. I mean I didn't know it would make you feel bad." Jo said kindly.

"Of course he would feel bad. I came before you did! Hello, every heard of bros over hoes? I'm the Bro and you're the-"

"So help me God James you had better not finish that sentence!" I yelled.

"Fine." He said sitting down on the floor.

"Seriously guys, we have to find Cam." Carlos said looking at his phone, "Logan just texted me saying that it's starting to get hard to breathe in the closet."

"Well, at least he's still alive." Jo said in relief.

"I'm surprised that he didn't ask why we locked him in there in the first place." James said curiously.

"Oh he did, I just keep ignoring those messages." Carlos stated.

We needed a plan and quick. How far could Camille have gone?

"Da da da dum!" I heard a voice yell. "The bride is HERE!"

I turned and watched as Camille and Stephanie walked arm in arm towards us. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders as I realized there really was a wedding going to happen today.

"Stephanie? You're here!" I heard Carlos yell.

I felt myself being pushed to the ground as Carlos whizzed past me and into the arms of an awaiting Stephanie. Jo helped me up from off the floor as Camille made her way over.

"Long distance relationships hurt." I commented.

"Where were you?" Jo asked.

"I'll tell you but we really need to finish getting ready. Kendall take the guys and go get Logan. Hopefully he hasn't locked himself up somewhere and is panicking." Camille said.

"Well technically _he_ didn't lock _himself_ up, it's more like _we_-" James said before I managed to cut him off

"Good idea Cam. We'll meet you at the altar." I said before kissing Jo goodbye and grabbing James and Carlos.

* * *

**Camille**

"Oh my God. I'm getting married. To Logan. Logan wants to marry me." I whispered to myself as I stood behind the door in front of the aisle.

From the little window, I could see Logan pacing while Jo and Kendall trying to calm him down. James was looking at himself in a pocket mirror while Annie merely rolled her eyes. Carlos and Stephanie were staring at each other with loving eyes.

"Are you ready baby?" I heard my mom say.

I turned and watched as she and my father walked over to me. They had been getting along so much better now a days and both wanted to walk me down the aisle.

"I'm ready."

The wedding march began and the doors opened. Everyone stood as I made my way down the aisle. I never wanted a big wedding and neither did Logan. So although we let James and Jo plan it we had complete control over the guest list.

Everyone from the Palm Woods and Rocque Records. Kelly Wainwright Rocque sat in the second row with her daughter. Guitar Dude and Jennifer W. sat together along with the other Jennifers. Kyle and Katie stood together hand in hand smiling. Logan's dad was in the front row with Ms. Knight and the rest of the BTR's parents.

When we finally reached the altar, the priest aka Gustavo Rocque spoke.

"Who gives this beautiful bride away?"

"We do." I heard my parents say.

Logan stepped down and gently took my hand.

"Hello Beautiful." He whispered in my ear.

I giggled softly as I played with my newly straightened hair.

"Okay, we are gathered here today to watch the unification of a beautiful couple. Hortense Logan Mitchell and Camille Sarah Roberts."

I smiled upon hearing my name.

"Now if anyone thinks these two should not be married please stand now or forever hold your peace. Please forever hold your peace."

I looked around at my friends and family and prayed no one stepped up. Thankfully no one stepped up. Gustavo continued talking and soon it was time for our vows. I didn't write any. I felt like I should speak from my heart. I nervously played with my bouquet as Logan began to speak

"You loved me from the start even when I thought you were crazy. You never wanted to change me. I never want to change you. I was sixteen when we first dated and even when we weren't together we were. I always had that connection to you that even if I wanted to I could never break. You're my star. You're the formula to my math equation."

"Leave it up to Logan to use his smarty pants talk in his vows." James whispered.

"Shut up James." Kendall whispered back.

"Anyway." Logan continued. "All I want is for you to be happy Camille. I want to know that you're okay and that you know that you can come to me any time. It's you and me in our own little world. But if the time comes and you don't want me anymore I'll let you leave. I just want you to be happy. I love you Camille. That's all I need. Fame doesn't even come close to you."

"Seriously, you're offering her an out? Now of all times at the altar. Logan, you already out a ring out now take advantage of it. You might not find a girl this open-minded again. You're not as handsome as me." James said.

"James, I swear to God if you don't shut up I'll make sure that it'll only be you and your hand for the rest of your damn life." Annie yelled.

I couldn't help but laugh. This wedding was sure going smoothly.

"Anyway, Camille it's your turn." Gustavo announced.

I could feel all eyes on me and I began to panic a little. A familiar sense of nausea washed over me but I held my composure and spoke.

"Logan, I'm not going anywhere. Don't you know by now that you're stuck with me. The whole 'till death do you part' doesn't even count for us because even when one of us dies I'm still gonna be around waving my ring in front of all the angels just so they know you're mine. I'm happy because you're happy. It's been a rough ride for us and sometimes I think how is it that we are still together and still in love."

I watched as he smiled. And I knew it was okay to continue.

"Together we're invincible and we sure as hell proved that. When it came to LJ, me in being in rehab even when everything was just plain normal we got through it. But there is one thing you're wrong about. It's not you and me in our own little world Logan."

I paused for a minute and watched as everyone began to whisper and wonder where I was going with this. The boys including Logan looked downright confused. Only Annie, Jo and Stephanie knew what was going on.

"Camille, what do you mean?" Logan asked.

I smiled and reached into my bouquet for the picture that I hid inside it.

"It's you, me and our babies."

Logan's eyes widened as he took the picture.

"Wait a minute did she say babies? She said babies right? I'm not the only one who heard it?" James said.

"Yes, James I said babies. Twins to be specific."

"Whoa, twins. Didn't know you had it in you Logan." James smirked earning a head slap from Kendall and Carlos.

"We're. Having. Twins?" Logan said slowly.

"Yes. Are you okay Logan?"

"Whoa. I'm fine. I'm more than fine. I'm- Wait a minute is this why the guys locked me in a closet this morning?" Logan said turning to the guys.

"They locked you in a closet? You locked Logan in a closet?" I yelled.

I walked over to them and waited for an explanation.

"Well, in our defense we didn't know where you were so we panicked and hid Logan so he didn't think you were running out on him." Kendall explained. "Congratulations!"

"Can we continue this wedding now please?" Gustavo asked.

I walked back over to Logan who still stared at the picture in awe.

"Logan, I love you for you just like you love me for me. Thank you for sticking by me through everything and never giving up on me. I love you and I can't wait to become parents."

"Now that that's over with. Ring time!"

We were both handed our rings.

"Logan, do you take Camille Sarah Roberts to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold and cherish for all of eternity?"

"Eternity? Damn." James whispered. Logan ignored him and went on.

"I do." He said sliding the ring on me.

"Do you Camille take Hortense Logan Mitchell to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold for the rest of eternity?"

"Hell yeah I do." I said as I slid his ring on.

"Well then you may now kiss the bride!"

"Finally." Logan said as he closed the gap between us with his lips.

* * *

**Logan**

This was it. All my dreams had finally come true. I was going to be a dad again by next year and I had my beautiful wife by my side. What more could I ask for?

"Well, Logie. It's official. We're not kids anymore." Kendall said sipping a glass of wine.

"I know."

"Can you believe it? Logan's married. We're all in committed relationships. James actually found a girl who can stand him. I mean who would've thought?" Carlos commented.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with me!" James retorted.

"Keep telling yourself that buddy." Kendall laughed.

"Attention it is time for Camille to throw the bouquet." Gustavo who was also the DJ announced.

I watched as a bunch of girls including Stephanie, Jo and Annie rush to catch the bouquet.

"How much you wanna bet they're going to break their legs trying to get the bouquet?" Kendall said chuckling.

To our surprise, there wasn't much of a fight. The bouquet magically landed in the arms of none other than Katie Knight. Kendall spit out the wine and slammed the glass on the table.

His eyes went from a smiling Katie to a terrified looking Kyle.

"She's only sixteen. Katherine Knight you had better put the damn bouquet down this instant! Kyle, you little jit COME HERE!" Kendall screamed.

Kyle took off running and Katie's smile was immediately wiped off her face. She handed the bouquet over to Jo before running after Kyle.

"Kyle! I swear if you even touch my sister. I will kill you!" Kendall said as he took off running. Carlos and James ran after him along with Jo to make sure he didn't do any serious damage to Kyle. Me on the other went to Camille.

I took her hand and walked her over to the dance floor.

"Very eventful day, if I do say so myself." I said smiling.

"Very Very eventful my dear."

As corny as it sounds our song came on. "You and Me" by Lifehouse played beautifully and covered the sounds of Kendall shouting from outside.

"I can't wait to meet the twins."

"Me too. We have eight more months until we meet them."

We danced after that. In our own little world with our babies. The past didn't matter for us now. THe scars had finally healed and God was finally giving us a new start. It didn't even matter that we'd probably be bailing my friends out of jail in a few hours either. Everything was just perfect.

I was looking forward to the rest of our lives. In a way I was grateful for all the things that had happened to us. Without them we probably would never have even gotten this far. We are what we experience.

"I love you Camille Mitchell."

"I love you too Logan Mitchell."

* * *

**This is it. Thank you all of you for reading and sticking with me in all of this. Now for a sequel or a one shot about the babies I don't know. If enough of you want it then sure. Please review and tell me what you thought. I tried for humor and fluff but I'm not sure if it came out evenly.**

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